Love... Forbidden?

We have known each other for two years and have worked together for almost that long. For the last three weeks, we have grown very close to one another. We have a lot in common and both have home lives that lack something. Mine worse than hers. I feel imprisoned in my marriage because of my love for my children, and cannot see myself taking action on that imprisonment because of my love for the kids. It doesn't matter how upset or lonely I feel here (at home). I cannot leave them. I must provide for them.

My children are young, so I likely have 20 years left on my "sentence". Beyond that, who knows. I'll be in my mid-50's and my life will be mostly over from the high-stress career and the added stress of being what I believe is depressed quite a bit of the time due to a lack of love and companionship.

Her feelings do not seem to be of imprisonment and like me, her children are the most important thing to her. She admits to me that she is committed to her marriage, but also admits strong feelings for me. She has been honest with me from the beginning of our elevated relationship.

We have gotten to the point that we find a way to see each other a few times a week for a couple of hours each time and talk each day for what equates to hours. We speak on the way to work and on the way home during our long commutes, and throughout the day via phone and IM. I am sad when every encounter ends. I want them to last far longer.

I know that if I am not already in love with her, I will soon be. This is not a physical relationship at this point, but a very strong emotional one. We are quite attracted to one another, but both know that any significant physical act might destroy what we have, so we restrain ourselves from that. We hug and it feels right, but so far, that's it. So far, that's perfect.

We have discussed stopping where we are going, but both of us don't want that. We have had the conversation in those terms and our answers are honest. This is not likely to end soon and that feels equal parts good and scary.

I don't really have a reason for writing this other than that I have nobody to talk to about my feelings. I want to scream from the rooftops about them, but cannot for obvious reasons.

I sit here in my office on a Friday at 11:13PM and write. Write about her. Write about us. I am scared that I will love her too much. I am upset that we cannot experience unrestricted love, not necessarily physically, but in general.

I miss her and it will be Monday before I can hear her voice and tell her how I am. I don't know what we have in store for us, but what I hope is that it is beautiful and fulfilling for both of us. I fear that will never happen, and that we will hit "the wall" that we have talked about and that we will be separated from one another forever. The thought makes me very, very sad.

TwoAs TwoAs
31-35, M
1 Response Jun 22, 2007

DearTwoAs. is truly sad when you fall deeply in love with someone who can not be yours completely. True love is so rare and hard to find, that it is a shame to not be able to live it daily,
It Is a gift and and curse in your case,
I was married when I went to work for my husband, I found him to be a good and kind man and we became friends, after about six months we both realized that it was more than friendship, and he asked me to leave my husband of twelve years and marry him, I had three children that he barely knew, I Had made a vow to myself that as soon as they were grown I was gone, explained that to him,
He asked how long would that be, I told him probably about ten years, his answer was, I will wait for you, and I knew he would,
After weeks of thinking and praying about this decision, my husband did something that hurt me emotionally, which was not uncommon, but it was like, a sign, that I needed out now,
I called my friend, he had moving trucks there within the hour and had rented the children and I an apartment, and gave me his car to drive, when the husband got home that might, we were gone,
When I finally got a divorce, we were married, my children loved him he was a great father to them and we had. Baby daughter, just last month we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary, with children , in laws, grandchildren and even two great grandsons,
I am so glad that I made the decision that I did, I have been truly blessed.
Not all situations turn out this well, but if your love is true and your friendship strong, it could work,
I am not advising you to do this , I am only saying in rare cases it does work and I have heard all the stories where it didn't , all I am saying is even if you do not make it as a couple, be grateful for the love and friendship that you have had together, memories are nice in your older years, my best wishes to both of you.