Sometimes I Do .....but Then

Some days I believe in love. On those days it is the only thing I want from life. Day after day I wake up and the first thought through my mind is about the woman I'm in love with. Then other days I realize I can't be with her and that she doesn't feel the same longing for me. On those days I think love is a fools errand. Some days I just go Spock. I think that being driven by emotion is illogical and not productive at all. Then I remember my marriage and how I loved my wife but was never in love with her. How  the " logical " mind had decided all those years ago that loving someone was much more desirable than the topsey- turvey state that being" in love " is...I learned the hard way that love is not enough. More recently I was once again shocked to find that someone was in love with me and I rejected them without realizing that . That would have been a day where I thought love was stupid ,unreasoning ,upsetting, and really more pain than it's worth. Mostly I try to push the love feeling out of my head. That lasts for a few days.

Every morning I wake up thinking about the same thing though. And try as I might, I cave in and have to see The woman I'm in love with again. Then Like being shot,,,, Suddenly I am in love with her all over again. After a couple of days I feel stupid for being in love with someone who isn't in love with me... And a couple of days after that I miss her so much that  I have to see her again.... It's a viscous circle. It makes no sense at all yet there it is. 
 

Alterede Alterede
51-55, M
2 Responses Feb 9, 2010

UPDATE-------She and I lived together for a year and I was happy for a time. She was happy for a time...( a short time ) she assaulted me 4 times in 12 months. then it was over. see poems -mind drippings, and mind drippings the sequel for the bigger picture

It makes sense...it's the way you feel.<br />
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You are not answerable to anyone for your own feelings.I also got mixed feelings about love and emotions...I understand what you are trying to say.