The Responsibility Of Marriage

I read a question on EP recently, that asked - "How do I tell my husband I need to be submissive sexually", or something like that.

It always surprises me when someone asks something like this. Why don't people discuss these things with their partners BEFORE they marry? Things like sex, raising children, religion, politics......all the things and opinions we have, that make us who we are, should be discussed prior to marriage. People marry and wonder why their relationship isn't working out and why they are "SUDDENLY" so different!! One commenter says to find someone else. What the? No. You married this man, if he's not interested in this, then too bad. Since when did sex become more important than faithfulness and love and honor and respect? 

Some people have a tradition of arranged marriages for their children. I'm not making a comment on whether I agree with that or not, but there is one aspect of the arranged marriage I do appreciate, and that is the fact that each partner is selected for the other based on similarity and what they have in common. Of course there are other aspects also, like financial etc, but I am saying this because i can see how important it is for a couple to really get to know each other before they marry. 

Couples marry because they love each other. They are sexually compatible. These are the two most common reasons. Love and lust alone will not ensure the survival of your relationship! Why is that not so completely obvious? Before any couple marries, they should discuss all those things that matter to them. How many couples have gone on to have children, only to find their parenting strategies are completely different? Or their political convictions are radically opposed to one another's. These things matter! 

Talk to your partners. About the important things. If you find you have differences that could cause future problems, you can confront the situation now, and with counseling and compromise, come to a livable solution. If you don't do this, you can very well expect to be among the 65% of divorced couples  whose marriage dissolves within 5 years.  So ask yourself what you have to lose. Because it could be everything.

PS. Please don't think I am making a judgement on any marriages that have failed. We are not taught these things. That is my point. We need to educate our youth and our own children to communicate prior to marriage. It is a wisdom that should be passed from generation to generation that perhaps once was, but sadly stopped. I really believe that with this understanding the rate of divorce would decrease over time.
wolvescry2 wolvescry2
36-40, F
2 Responses Dec 8, 2011

Tremendous Advice Parents Must Pass On To Their Children So They Know How To Choose The Right Mate!

Thank you Tmajor. Yes we do need to teach our children this. Exactly right. And down through the generations. Cheers :-)

Such a great post! I'm still coping with the aftermath of a failed marriage. I have spent (and continue to do so) a great deal of time beating myself up for my own part to play in it. We had the conversations you mentioned before we were married, but for whatever reason, the goalposts changed after we were married, for whatever reason.<br />
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Your comment that love and lust alone cannot sustain a marriage is probably the reason why ours failed. The romantic in us wants to believe that love alone can make a marriage work. You've pointed out that it requires so much more than that.