New Year, New Agreement

Even a Domestic Disciplined marriage goes through easier patches and more difficult ones. We are going through a very happy spot, but our current contentment has been born out of a trickier patch between the end of the summer last year and Christmas.

I short, my husband and I have drawn up and signed a more formal agreement! I don't know if other couples have done this but I can tell you, so far it has been a wonderful innovation and we are both blissfully happy.

I had been getting into trouble much more than usual and had not just been on the receiving end of more frequent spankings, but more severe spankings too. Our boundaries had become blurred with out increasingly busy family life, I had put more energy into my social life and left my husband behind a bit in that regard! I was really annoying him and feeling a little harshly treated when he got mad with me.

First he announced we are to go away alone together for a few days to focus on our boundaries, our life together and try and reconnect. I think that was a great idea and we have planned our trip for February. We are thinking of it as boot camp. Then, over Christmas we worked together on a new agreement for the New Year. It took us some time to define a few, simple but key "standards" that we felt I could and should uphold for the sake of a happy family life, and decided to define more clearly how failure to observe these standards might be dealt with.

We have never had a formal agreement of any kind in the past. We have muddled along and it has worked for us for 11 years. But I guess in 11 years there are a lot changes. Each individual changes, so do their views and aspirations. Also we now have 3 small children which changes life more than anything. Muddling along was not working so well any more.

So for a time my husband was feeling frustrated by me behaviour, I was feeling misunderstood, and there were a lot more friction and punishments generally. I had found the Experience Project during this time, and found it so comforting to talk with other submissive wives in a total confidence and privacy.

Well, since our more formal arrangement, I feel totally liberated! Funny, something that looks from the outside like a constraining set of rules and principals makes me feel free and so much happier! I know exactly where the now boundaries are and what I can expect if I push against them too hard. There aren't many hard and fast rules, and the ones there are are mainly about the little things. Effectively, it eliminates those little things as a bone on contention between us. My husband has been so happy too! So loving and I can feel his stress level daily has reduced dramatically, his mood lifted dramatically.

Our agreement is not long and full of endless silly rules about deference, 'eye rolling' or shaving my legs. It outlines general attitudes, some simple household standards (things that **** my husband off if they are not observed and can cause him to feel stress and me to get angry or bratty). These are great; who wants to spend time or energy arguing about the little things? This can happen even in a Domestic Discipline Relationship. If you know what has to be done to make the man you love happy, and it's a little thing, you do it and tension is avoided. If I don't do it I get punished. He feels better and I know what I did wrong and remember to do it next time! It is only different to what we had before because it isn't made up as we go along! It is clear, absolutely. In clarity, there is also a feeling of security.

Simple. The truth is, it is a great incentive scheme for New Years resolutions! Say I have developed a particular bad habit over time of doing, or not doing something that annoys my husband or me. If it's on the list, as soon as I slip back into that habit I get corrected. It's clearer because we've set it out clearly. Some of those things I knew annoyed him, some of them annoyed me too!

I been punished just once since we signed, which was more down to the newness of our arrangement than anything.... I just slipped back into a comfortable habit without noticing. I got a spanking, it hurt, but was soon over and I haven't slipped back on that again. I guess all new arrangements take time to sink in!

Also we have a few things in there that I want to improve about myself, and his discipline totally reinforces my own self discipline, which is not my strongest suite! This is a revelation and I never expected writing it down to have such a fantastic and transformative effect!

We have identified some general standards of behaviour and also my husbands most usual punishments are defined clearly. This way, there is never argument over the unimportant stuff. We have agreed that. We have defined what works for both of us.

Maybe if people are interested I'll share the agreement on EP.

I am sure we will refine it over the weeks leading up to our "boot camp" holiday, but so far, life under this 'new regime' is much improved.

Life has never been more wonderful.
josfairmaiden josfairmaiden
36-40, F
3 Responses Jan 15, 2013

Contracts like that are an excellent idea for a proper marriage. Smooth living, little to no arguing, and that is priceless.

I posted our 'contract' last night in case you are interested

j x

I'll be very happy to post our agreement just a cut and paste job with a little explanation... Some things will no doubt make you laugh as you'll see what a poor housewife I am! I'm always juggling so many things, I hardly even get the basics covered! the standards I need to achieve in our agreement are hardly high... very basic! If I have time I will post it as another story this evening or tomorrow. I have to run right now and cook.