Our New Conract

I was asked by some of my wonderful EP friends to post our new "contract". This is our agreement regarding how we should conduct our marriage ongoing, with some clear boundaries and commitments spelled out!

For background, if you haven't read any of my stories, I've been married to James my darling husband and HOH for 11 years. We have 3 young children. We have practiced Domestic Discipline for all of our marriage. We never had a formal agreement, I would get spanked if I behaved badly, and we figured it out as we went along.

Towards the end of last year, I found myself getting spanked more frequently (deservedly) and more severely. Mainly I think this was down to changes in our relationship over time. 3 kids and 11 years changes things a lot. Also people adjust their values and views over time. We were obviously out of sync. I handled this by socialising more, pushing the boundaries and by confiding in a new community of people who also enjoy the benefits of a marriage like ours, here on the Experience project.

We have decided to go away together for a week without the children some time in February, to reconnect and reaffirm our values, boundaries and our chosen lifestyle. We are now thinking of it as a kind of "Boot camp".

Meanwhile, We decided to start the new year with a new, more formal arrangement and together we came up with a kind of contract. Now some of you will find some of the terms funny I am sure, but they are very personal and suit us! I have 3 small kids and run my own business as an illustrator. I am no good at doing housework during the day as when the kids are at school or kindergarten, I go to my studio and work. If they are here they are a full time occupation! So some of the things I have committed to do may seem basic, but I assure you, they are things that until now I often fail to do, and it causes my husband stress and annoyance! These are simply our hard and fast standards that must be kept to. Nothing too onerous but each family is different. Some people may have more emphasis of chores or more on spending, or any other aspect of their marriage - each to their own!

There are also things in there that I want to achieve myself but lack the self discipline to achieve. My husband now provides added incentive! for example, I am small and petite, and as I closer to 40 don't want to get fat and unhealthy, as a couple of pounds when you are 5ft 2 will really show. Right now I quite often have a chocolate bar or other junk snack when I feel like it. I want to stop this before it starts to creep up on me as I get older; but lack motivation because I'm not fat yet!  Also I now and again use bad language in front of the children or yell at them or my husband. I want to stop this. When you see these things in the contract, know that I put them there and that he isn't forcing me to stay slim. He would like me to cut the bad language and attitude though!

Finally, it is important to understand that we have been married for 11 years and have had 3 children together. I trust my husband with my life. He has never hurt me beyond my limits. He knows and understands my limits better than I do myself and he knows my body better than I do. I have never been spanked with a cane or switch or belt, but if my husband felt it was necessary I would submit to it because I trust him and he understands that I am more afraid of these implements. This is one of the reasons we can live with this kind of arrangement. We know each other so well, we know we are safe.

I think that is more than enough explanation! This is the contract! (The actual document is all set out beautifully and quite pretty!)

A Post Nuptial Agreement

(Husband) …………….…………………………………….
(Wife) ………………………………………………………
Date ……………………….

An agreement between husband and wife to define how the marriage will be conducted

As your wife I agree to consent to the following terms with my signature. I will do my best to try to follow our agreed standards. Whenever I fail in my endeavors I consent to your discipline. I also consent to being disciplined by you as and when you see fit on an Ad hoc basis. I do this because I trust you to be consistent, fair, to take into account my health and well being. I rely on you not to hesitate to fulfill your role undaunted, without reservation, hesitation or question, even in the face of my protests in the moment. This is my commitment and my consent.

i) Obedience
I …………………..……................................................. loving wife of ………………………...............….........................agree to obey my husband upon his insistence.

I understand that disobedience may be punished at a time and place and by a method of my husband’s choosing. (see section iii for agreed punishments). I fully consent to this.

ii) Enforcement
If I do not willingly submit to the punishment of my husband’s choice, he may add additional punishment and/or increase the severity of the punishment. I understand that my husband may administer any punishment (from the agreed list in section iii) by force when necessary. I consent to the use of force.

iii) Punishments
I consent to being disciplined by use of punishment in the form of:
- Spanking (hereafter, a spanking is defined as a minimum of 10 swats. No maximum)
I consent to the use of over the knee, spanking with the hand on bare behind as the most usual form of punishment. I consent to the use of implements for more severe punishments:
i.e. paddle, hairbrush, other similar wooden implements, leather soled slipper, leather paddle or leather strap, switch or cane. (the last 3 implements only in extremis and used with caution and care)
- Corner time and time out
I consent to submit to time out punishments such as corner time, or bedroom time out.
- Grounding and loss or privileges
I consent accept grounding for a period of my husbands choice. Also loss of privilege such as restrictions on internet use, television, social phone calls, EP & Facebook time. Failure to abide by the terms of my punishment will incur additional punishment.
- Chores
such as cleaning skirting boards, washing floors, picture frames etc. as punishment will be carried out without hesitation or complaint. Failure to abide by the terms of my punishment will incur additional punishment.

iv) Household rules
Certain household rules and standards must be upheld.

These may be amended by my husband at any time. Failure to uphold these rules and standards will earn immediate punishment to be carried out at the earliest opportunity convenient to my husband. My husband may choose for pragmatic reasons to carry over punishments to a more convenient time or punish immediately. I understand that repeated failure to uphold a particular rule or standard may result in increased or more severe punishment at the discretion of my husband. Our agreed basic household standards are outlined overleaf:
Basic standards:

1) Obedience. Disobedience will be punished at my husband’s discretion.
2) Household basics. Certain tasks are expected as a minimum standard and I consent to be punished if I fail to reach this minimum standard. Each failure will result in a spanking of minimum 10 swats.
This punishment is a minimum and may be increased in length or severity at the discretion of my husband or used in conjunction with additional punishment.
This list may be added to.
a) Children’s Pyjamas will not be left on bedroom or Sitting room floor in the morning
b) The dishwasher will be emptied before my husband gets home
c) Wet towels will not be left on our bed
d) Our bathroom and the guest bathrooms will be properly cleaned before and after the weekend regardless of weather the cleaners have been
e) All coats and bags will be hung up and put away before my husband gets home
f) My car will be emptied of any litter daily, and valeted monthly
3) I will not use bad language in within earshot of my children. Failure to meet this standard will result in a spanking.
4) Exceeding my monthly housekeeping budget or overdraft limit without prior permission will be severely punished.
5) I will not buy or eat junk food during the week. If I do I will be spanked.
6) My husband may use his discretion as to weather immoderate drinking is appropriate or not and therefore deserving of punishment.
7) Traffic or parking offenses will result in a severe spanking.
8) I will try to be respectful. My husband may choose to punish me for bratty or disrespectful behavior. This includes shouting.
9) Lying will not be tolerated and will be punished with a spanking minimum 25 swats.

As your Wife I commit to try to uphold these standards and consent to the consequences of failing to do so. I understand that a spanking is designed to cause me pain, and may leave temporary marks and I consent to this form of punishment. I am an adult woman and although I may make my discomfort known verbally before or during a spanking, I fully understand and consent to this form of discipline at the hands of my husband. I trust his judgement as to how hard to strike me and how long a spanking should last.

Signature ............................................................................................... (wife)

As your Husband I will not be daunted, will not hesitate or back away from punishing you whenever you fail to honour our agreed terms or whenever else I deem appropriate. I promise to clearly advise you as soon as you have earned a punishment and to carry out that punishment as soon as I am able.

I will not be swayed by any protests or reluctance on your part to accept my discipline. I will escalate your punishments if and when I deem it appropriate. I promise to take my responsibility seriously and never to fail to punish you fail to live up to our agreed standards. When I spank you, I will spank you out of love. I will spank you soundly on your bottom with the intention of causing you pain but never elsewhere on your body and never to cause injury. I understand that as an adult woman you are able to endure a painful spanking and I will not stint in my responsibility to deliver a painful spanking when it is deserved.

Signature ............................................................................................... (husband)

So that is it. I may post a copy of the actual document, or perhaps a more generic version of it, on a blog website one day so people can download it if they want to.... that is if I ever get around to setting up a blog website! I have often thought about it!

josfairmaiden josfairmaiden
36-40, F
6 Responses Jan 15, 2013

that is good you have contract some need it for the wife
it is good that you are discipline and submit willing also as my wife does also things are much better when you have HOH running things and have wife that does submit an understand her part in the marriage,we had two children both girls grown an married an they live in CDD marriage also

I think that I could have saved my marriage if I had known about this. The concept speaks to me and I'm sad it did not come to my attention sooner.

Good read, interesting and well presented. Very happy for you both,

A question, if I may?

Do you wear an apron when doing your household duties? It is a particular fetish of mine but my wife insists I wear a pinny to ensure I am reminded of our roles within the household and this lowly piece of clothing is perfect for demonstrating this.

It also adds another dimension to the punishment list as the choice of aprons become increasingly more feminine if I earn demerits. Waiting on my wife and her guests in essentially women's work wear (and I am not being sexist) is as much agony as is a good spanking.

If you work too shouldn't he happy with the house? I mean sounds like the kids are yours and not his. I think you and the kids will resent him in the long run.

Thanks for commenting but seeing out contract you can't know all about us or our life. My husband has the kids right now for example. He had them for the last 3 days while I was working away and staying with a friend last week. He is totally hands on with the kids and the house.

I work hard at both my job (for which I work from home) and my children. I am lazy about the house. I always have been. My mother called me Mrs Messy! I don't want to be. Life these days is hard to juggle and 3 children can make a lot of housework which I have a natural inclination to ignore. I have a big personality and a quick temper. My husband is kind and does more than most guys. He does most of the laundry and he is almost always the one to clean the kitchen floor. He irons his own shirts and at the weekends looks after the kids more than me when I need to catch up on work. I am the one who gets a lie in if there is one to be had. My friends would laugh if they knew how we lived because he has a reputation as a bit of a new man, and me as a strong, slightly hot headed party girl!

This life makes us happy. I am insensitiveised to do a few, (very few) simple tasks that really I don't mind doing and that make our life better and that stop my husband feeling bothered by unimportant domestic annoyances just because I have put them off. AND I DO PUT THEM OFF.

I understand this isn't for everyone. I am talking about it because it is for some people and for them it works. I like talking with those people. Arguments are for me. I like laughter. Guilt is not for me either. Both those things happen to me (argument and guilt) when not living like this and I hate that, THAT is what makes me feel resentment. I HATE IT. Now maybe in your opinion that is a weakness on my part, but it is also a fact and in my opinion, the fewer moments in my life I spend annoyed, angry and arguing, the better my life is.

The added attraction is of course, just as some women are hard wired to find a gentle poetic man attractive, or a slim athletic, driven man perhaps, or a rich successful man, maybe a macho muscle man or an earthy, man of nature or maybe a quiet, bookish man. There is someone that floats everyone's boat, one size does not fit all, so to speak! I have always found tall, strong men who can stand up to me attractive. I have a first class honors degree from one of the UK's (the world in fact) best universities, so I am not naive and do not favor brawn over brain, I want brains too. We don't watch TV, we read, discuss ideas, go to the theatre or comedy club or out for dinner with friends. That is what suits us. My husband is bright, kind, generous but also he is not prepared to let me walk all over him. I HATE arguments. I hate being around grumpy people and I suffer from guilt. Not with with him. We rarely argue, and if he is mad, he spanks me. I might not love the pain, but his dominance and determination I love. Yes it is a complicated idea to understand if you don't naturally feel that way, but hey, some ideas are complicated and I am not alone in feeling this way! He is not grumpy, I am not guilty. As I say it works for us. If you don't like it, great, I wish you as much happiness in your relationship and with your children as I have found in mine. I will not resent him by the way. I always knew what I was getting into. We have been happy for 11 years and I think I have enough intelligence not to engage in an arrangement which makes me feel resentment.

I know as little about you as tou about me, but I admire your willingness to engage and comment and I thank you for that. I also wish you sincerely happiness in your life however you choose to live it. It is all about free will and although from the outside it may look like mine is compromised, as in most things, it much more complex that it might frst appear and my free will is alive and kicking! xx

Wasn't trying to offend in anyway just trying to understand. I want a DD marriage just learning about it.

Not offended at all, just explaining. sorry if it sounded like a rant, that was just down to my lack of skill, sorry.... I just felt I needed to explain as I can see it may have sounded, if taken in isolation as if my husband did nothing and expected me to be a slave, which is very far from the case! You can always message me if I can help with questions in future. No offence caused or intended! xx

Thanks hon :)

1 More Response

I miss your HoH vowing to admit any wrong-doing on his part, apologizing and making amends. A good husband admits when he has done something wrong and does everything in his power to correct this.
That is his punishment. and it earns our respect when he does!

I hope you don't mind I add a few observations here:

I also think that you are punished a lot. I feel that spankings are to help keep wives focused on the goals we've made - for example being a good submissive wife, accepting all our HoH's decisions, not arguing, contradicting or negotiating the decisions made by our HoHs. Those are the 4 Ds:
Dangerous (situations)
I totally agree that we need to be disciplined if we break any of the above rules. But we're not maids or doormats. I would feel I was walking on egg shells if I had to do everything on your list - it almost feels like micro-managing.

You have a job too - why should you have to do all the housework?
We share the household chores, but my HoH has the absolute power to enforce discipline and make major decisions. He also has to listen to my ideas and take my point of view into consideration before making those decisions.

I am rarely punished - but I am disciplined.
On the other hand - we are very lucky to have husbands who take marriage seriously, which most domestic discipline husbands do.
Good luck
Jack's Jill

I love your comments, thank you for taking the time. I by no means do all the chord... For example he puts away all the laundry because I hate it... But he works too and I honestly find it helpful to have extra motivation to do my share. We've never had a list before. So far I love it and some of the stuff I put on it!

As for punishment, since summer, yes I have been punished quite a lot. Prior to that, not often at all. I have been in a bad place in some ways but now I feel we are getting back on track. If you could see the cobwebs in my house, you'd soon realise I am no slave!

Also james is a lovely, kind man who very often admits he is wrong. You are so right about this. I could never love a tyrant. He is strong, firm, dominant and that is what I want - no, what i need in a husband, but he is kind, thoughtful and very fair. I can hear him pottering around the kitchen now making the kids packed lunches while I relax!

Thanks again. Your insights are most welcome x

Dear Josfairmaiden
I've read some of James' writings and he seems to be a fantastic head of your household. You both are very lucky to have each other.
I admit that sometimes I lose my way and need the guidance of my hubby to set me straight. Yesterday he helped me get in balance by giving me a good spanking and I feel so much better today. I, too love a good, fair and dominant man who takes care of me and keeps peace in the family.
He knows that spanking is not the goal, but a means or tool he can use to enforce a better behavior and communication.
Domestic Discipline has truly help us in so many ways.
I cringe when I hear couples speaking to each other in disrespect now.
best wishes to you both
Jack's Jill

Oh that is so good to hear. James is a fantastic HoH, but also a wonderful husband and father; very fair, completely reliable, loving and strong. DD is not for everyone I know but for us it gives us balance, peace and happiness and I cannot imagine living without it!