Observations From A Newb.

I have willfully and in full capacity of my mind entered into what is labeled as a Domestic Discipline marriage. I am still fairly new and so of course is my husband. But I want to share some of my observations so far.

As many may know if you've read any other stories I've posted, that my husband and I were on the verge of separating..... in fact we had both separated emotionally for the last several years.

He was angry at me for being disrespectful and instigating our teen sons to also treat and regard him with disrespect. I was mad at him for checking out emotionally and spiritual and even physically from our relationship. I used to tell him that he as a person has made me feel like I'm dying a little each day. We were becoming poison towards one another.

We'd say our ''love yous'' infront of people, but didn't quite have it going on truthfully.
I didn't want him touching me, kissing me, or even trying to be the ''head''.

Honestly I don't know what would have happened if I had never gotten my little Kindle Fire and got curious one day and typed in the ''Books'' store for ''spanking novels''.... I don't know what possessed me. I've never really voiced anything like that in my life! I never asked to be spanked sexually or otherwise..... so what drew me? It was weird, but I couldn't get enough. I read samples of each book.... drawn to the strength of the men, and delighted in the ***** of the ladies. It was an honest, no-holds-bar this is what you get kind of relationships.

Then I search websites and found EP and TakeninHand sites. I became brave and shared with husband.... but I don't think I need to revisit that part, I believe that I shared it a bit in a few other stories.

So here I am today almost 3 months later and here is what I've observed.
~ This type of relationship make you promise to be there and be an active participant with one another. Both parties have to stay actively involved with the other for this to work. I must anticipate his needs and become thoughtfully aware of his love, leadership, and devotion towards me and our children. He has to become thoughtfully aware of my needs both emotional and physical and be consistent with me for us both to grow.

I feel more ''tuned in'' with us as individuals...and it especially makes me feel our oneness in our marriage. I don't feel like one outshines or out works the other.

The first few times I submitted to a spanking my husband got very emotional. With tears in his eyes he would tell me how strong I made him feel and how loved and respected I made him feel. We were celebrating our different roles that in fact made us more the same! I know it's ''Dom''... ''Sub''.... but the lines are blurred in our lives. I feel just as in dominant by being submissive as he probably feels submissive towards being dominant. It's a giving on both of our parts. It's a dance, he's the leader but we both benefit just the same.

We used to be off balance before.... when we disregarded one another. When we ''clicked off'' for a while to do our own thing. ~ Now we are mending and building up again.

I so appreciate everyone on here that has helped me. Your stories, your humor, your wisdom.... it's all given me strength. It's helped us both so much. I'll always be blessed for this time in my life. It's new... it's fresh... it's learning of the first time to live a different, yet purposeful way. I look up to hubby now! And I love the feeling in my heart when I respect him! It fills me with such joy! I'm glad to have my best friend again!

I'm proud to be a Newb. :o)
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6 Responses Jan 18, 2013

What a delightful story! I am so happy for you

Thank you, Matilda! Your story gives me hope, and touched a nerve.

A wonderful post Matilda!
So many marriage could be saved by living this way.
And you are so right - there is a lot of power in being a good submissive wife.
All the best to you both
Jack's jill
If you want to share this story at my new group - please do!!

It's been so much the same with me, bitching about what was wrong with him, without taking responsibility for my attitude.

We're still figuring things out, but I've made such a change in my attitude. When he does something hurtful or makes mistakes I now try to focus on telling him how I feel and not dogging on him and rehashing his mistakes, neither of which is fair or respectful.

I have a really hard time giving up control, but it turns out that I can! Just need to keep practicing. And when I give up control, he tends to want to give me what I want, but from a place of love and care and not from a place of exhaustion from being worn down by me.

It really is amazing how much this can change a relationship in such a short time.

Congratulations as sounds like the two of you are learning to live as equals, per se, while at the same time you appreciate the fact he won't hesitate to take charge when necessary even if it means to be Taken in hand with love, care and concern.

Warm Regards

Congrats! It's a wonderful thing

Awwww!!! What an awesome story Matilda!!! I really really loved it. You are so right on your observations. This kind of relationships need work and make you think a lot about your roles. Somehow they don't allow you to grow distant. There's no room for it to happen.
I also know (and still amazes me) that this is not for everybody. Your "discovery" of spanking novels would have meant nothing to other type of woman. When you're wired like this there's always something that triggers the realization of what you want. It happened to me during a medical treatment (I even have a story about that, lol) I guess we carry a certain gene or something. Don't you feel great about yourself having the nerve to recognize this and telling your husband?? And of course having a willing partner is also a real blessing. I know many men would have run to the hills after such confession.

Wow, he really sounds like my husband you know (which is my first and only too!). I guess they are incredible well suited to this. I remember my husband at 17, and he had this on him already. the way he protected me (even from myself sometimes) or how skilled he was at calming me... He is the only person I have ever felt like submitting to. I know I just belong to him. I was meant to be his.
Funny thing, the first time we ever made love he playfully spanked me!! I was like whhoaa!!! But I liked it... A lot. I guess maybe he always knew deep inside. I'm his weird little thing, lol.