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Yes I Do

I have dealt with cheating ever since I was a baby....my father was rarely faithful to my mother...he was in a band when I was little and he would cheat on her with the singer from the band, he cheated with a woman at a company he used to work for, he even brought her to my mother's baby shower for my brother's(we are ten years apart)...I am sure there are more but those are the two I know about because my mother always told me, which we both know she shouldn't have but at the time I was her closest confidant.....

I saw the hurt on my mother's face, the anger and not understanding and I swore that it would never happen to me, that I would be monogomous to my partner and if there ever came a time where I couldn't be faithful or was unhappy I would leave....Well part of that came true, I kept my end of the bargain but the men I have been with havn't always kept up their part of the promise. 

I married and was for 5 years...I don't have physical proof that he cheated but his actons were suspicious, working late in the town she lived in, "accidentily" running into each other at a park he took my daughter which happened to be no where near where either one of us lived, when he came home that night he told me he was leaving and that was it, 2 months later he is living with her in an apartment near the beach...come on you don't need to be a rocket scientist.

I know not everybody agrees with monongamy, not everybody has been and no body is perfect least of all me. but after all that I have experienced in my life, after seeing the hurt on my mother's face and feeling it for myself, I have to believe in monongamy, that it is for me...I feel like if you have to lie, cheat and break that trust in any relationship, you shouldn't be there because you are going out to get away or find a solution ....I am sure there are different circumstances for everyone, I am just speaking about me.

I hope to one day be able to be in a monogomous relationship, one where I feel and know that it is true...one day....one day:)

bellamomma bellamomma 31-35, F 7 Responses Jan 17, 2009

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You know L I think you may be on to something, maybe guilt does play a part, I dunno everyone's circumstances are different, so everyone's reason for cheating is different...I don't know if there is one solid answer, but I am sure that somewhere along they way guilt is a factor...thanks L

I think a lot of it stems from guilt. They cheat, and for a short while they feel good. Then they realize that they've slowly begun to destroy their family. But who would want to walk out on their family after only one time of cheating? So they stay, with the guilt still in their hearts. But soon enough begin to cheat again. <br />
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I think it is a lie. "So long as I'm still taking care of my family, it's okay." is probably the thought. Either that or it is something more putrid and pathetic than that. Only the cheater knows why they cheat.

Thanks Traveler for your comment, I just don't understand cheating, it's something I can;t wrap my mind around, I didn't understand why my dad did it to my mom, if he didn't want to be there, why did he stay all those years, it certainly wasn't for us, maybe it was because there was some security in staying rather than leaving and having that uncertaintity about his life and where it would end up. I'm old fashioned, I still believe in the fantasy of being with just one person and in the case of marriage till death do you part, it may be neive on my part, but thats what I believe...different for everyone though I guess......

Thanks sweetie for the comment, I agree I am also a bit old fashioned:) I don't like to share my lovers and want them to not want to share me either:) Well girlie hopefully we'll find two georgeous men who feel as we do LOL!

I think monogamy is wonderful...I also think there isn't as much of it these days...<br />
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I am unattached at this time but if I were involved I wouldn't want my mate to want to share me with anyone else and I wouldn't want to share him...I'm a bit old fashioned in that way :-)

thankyou my angel I apreciate your comment, thankyou for reading my story and understanding me and where I am coming from:) It's harder for your heart to heal, becuase you can't see the damage that is done, you only feel it and at times it can feel almost like your dieing inside, well at least for me it did, wondering what did I do or what did I not do to deserve this, why didn't they just tell me the issue so we could fix it rather than the alternitive, but we can't change the past we can only go forward and try no to let our damaged heart stop beating or yearning for love....Love you girl!!!!!!

I agree with you as well, sometimes I think that the hurt of being cheated on hurts worse than actually being hit. When your heart hurts, it is harder to recover psychologically than it is if it is a physical hurt. Thank you for sharing your experience and your perspective. Loves, me!