My HummingbirdIn August of 2010, I lost my dear wife. Many people say they have found their soul mate. I truly did in Kimmy. My heart aches for her everyday.
After her passing I became despondent, didn't sleep well and if not for the support of my beautiful children and my family, I am sure I would have joined her. The first day I felt GOOD after losing Kim was the day I brought her urn home. I felt she was with me again.
A few weeks after she passed away I decided I needed to at least try and start to adapt to my new "normal". My old normal was always having Kimmy there. I went to our bedroom with the intention of changing the furniture around in a way that would have pleased Kim. Our bed is large and so is our bookcase headboard. As I dusted the headboard, I decided that nothing was going back on it after I moved it. I had LOTS of books that I always kept there as well as a great deal of clutter. Everything was removed and was never put back. NOTHING was put back. I moved the headboard to the OTHER end of the room and moved the bed over. I also dusted and moved my nightstand as well as Kim's. The ONLY items I put back on my nightstand was my clock radio and an ashtray. I kept Kim's nightstand on my side of the room as well and all I put there is the book I am currently reading and two remotes.
The day after I moved the furniture around, I was going to bed. When I turned on the light, right in front of my clock radio in the middle of my night stand was a penny. I was curious as to how it got there. I did think of Kim because she was always picking up pennies and had a jar that was for pennies only. I put the penny in her jar IN THE KITCHEN and never gave it another thought. A few nights later, when I went to bed, I turned on the light and right above my pillow on the headboard....another penny. Again I thought of Kim but I also thought how in the heck did this penny get there. NO one was in my bedroom, I live alone. My kids visit frequently but they NEVER go into my bedroom for anything.
A few days later I dusted the house. On our hutch Kim had a metal arch candle holder that held 5 tealights. I lifted that candle holder to dust and replaced it. There was nothing there but the candle holder. Later that evening a thunderstorm was over our town and the lights flickered. I thought better safe than sorry and removed the candle holder from the hutch and put it on the end table beside the couch. I never did end up using it although the next day as I was walking by the hutch I thought I should put it back. I LIVE ALONE as I mentioned. In the spot where the candle holder was on the hutch sat a penny. I was bewildered. The penny went in the jar.
My wife's death could have been prevented and a newspaper article has been done about it. I have approaced politicians and a new law will be tabled in the near future to hopefully prevent a death like hers from happening to someone else. The day I did the interview with the reporter from the newspaper I had to have my daughter take me to the hospital because I was displaying all the classic symptom of a heart attack. Thankfully it was just anxiety. My daughter came home with me to make sure I was going to be ok and at my urging went home to her husband. The stress of the weeks since losing my Kimmy had built up and what I needed was a good rest. I went to my room, turned on my light and for the second time (third time in the bedroom) a penny was atop the headboard above my pillow. This time it was a bright shiny penny. I look back now and think being bright and shiny is a message from Kim to move on with life and enjoy what it has to offer, especially my children and grandchildren.
There have a couple of occasions where I was sure I could smell Kim's perfume and one day it drove me nuts because my daughter was with me for the day and I kept telling her, "I smell mommy". She said she didn't but felt that Kim was with us.
It was only AFTER all of this happened that a friend of mine was visiting from the US and I told her about it. She said to me, "have you never heard of pennies from Heaven". I told her that I thought it was just a saying, I didn't realize that people actually experienced something like this. I really had never heard any kind of stories about this. I have been very sad, lonely and depressed since losing my wife and I wish more than anything I could hold her again, kiss her again and whisper into her ear "I love you". I am starting to accept that I will have to wait to do that again, when it is my turn to leave someone "pennies from heaven".
busyboy 46-50, M 7 Responses 1 Oct 17, 2010