My Hummingbird

In August of 2010, I lost my dear wife. Many people say they have found their soul mate. I truly did in Kimmy. My heart aches for her everyday.
After her passing I became despondent, didn't sleep well and if not for the support of my beautiful children and my family, I am sure I would have joined her. The first day I felt GOOD after losing Kim was the day I brought her urn home. I felt she was with me again.

A few weeks after she passed away I decided I needed to at least try and start to adapt to my new "normal". My old normal was always having Kimmy there. I went to our bedroom with the intention of changing the furniture around in a way that would have pleased Kim. Our bed is large and so is our bookcase headboard. As I dusted the headboard, I decided that nothing was going back on it after I moved it. I had LOTS of books that I always kept there as well as a great deal of clutter. Everything was removed and was never put back. NOTHING was put back. I moved the headboard to the OTHER end of the room and moved the bed over. I also dusted and moved my nightstand as well as Kim's. The ONLY items I put back on my nightstand was my clock radio and an ashtray. I kept Kim's nightstand on my side of the room as well and all I put there is the book I am currently reading and two remotes.

The day after I moved the furniture around, I was going to bed. When I turned on the light, right in front of my clock radio in the middle of my night stand was a penny. I was curious as to how it got there. I did think of Kim because she was always picking up pennies and had a jar that was for pennies only. I put the penny in her jar IN THE KITCHEN and never gave it another thought. A few nights later, when I went to bed, I turned on the light and right above my pillow on the headboard....another penny. Again I thought of Kim but I also thought how in the heck did this penny get there. NO one was in my bedroom, I live alone. My kids visit frequently but they NEVER go into my bedroom for anything.

 A few days later I dusted the house. On our hutch Kim had a metal arch candle holder that held 5 tealights. I lifted that candle holder to dust and replaced it. There was nothing there but the candle holder. Later that evening a thunderstorm was over our town and the lights flickered. I thought better safe than sorry and removed the candle holder from the hutch and put it on the end table beside the couch. I never did end up using it although the next day as I was walking by the hutch I thought I should put it back. I LIVE ALONE as I mentioned. In the spot where the candle holder was on the hutch sat a penny. I was bewildered. The penny went in the jar.

My wife's death could have been prevented and a newspaper article has been done about it. I have approaced politicians and a new law will be tabled in the near future to hopefully prevent a death like hers from happening to someone else. The day I did the interview with the reporter from the newspaper I had to have my daughter take me to the hospital because I was displaying all the classic symptom of a heart attack. Thankfully it was just anxiety. My daughter came home with me to make sure I was going to be ok and at my urging went home to her husband. The stress of the weeks since losing my Kimmy had built up and what I needed was a good rest. I went to my room, turned on my light and for the second time (third time in the bedroom) a penny was atop the headboard above my pillow. This time it was a bright shiny penny. I look back now and think being bright and shiny is a message from Kim to move on with life and enjoy what it has to offer, especially my children and grandchildren.

There have a couple of occasions where I was sure I could smell Kim's perfume and one day it drove me nuts because my daughter was with me for the day and I kept telling her, "I smell mommy". She said she didn't but felt that Kim was with us.

It was only AFTER all of this happened that a friend of mine was visiting from the US and I told her about it. She said to me, "have you never heard of pennies from Heaven". I told her that I thought it was just a saying, I didn't realize that people actually experienced something like this. I really had never heard any kind of stories about this. I have been very sad, lonely and depressed since losing my wife and I wish more than anything I could hold her again, kiss her again and whisper into her ear "I love you". I am starting to accept that I will have to wait to do that again, when it is my turn to leave someone "pennies from heaven".

I believe.

busyboy busyboy
46-50, M
7 Responses Oct 17, 2010

I lost my husband 4months ago. I am finding pennies in places I would never thought of and two on the floor, two as I got out of my car, on the dresser.
These were strange how they got there from my coin purse to the floor you see they we were damaged.
He was my soulmate of 43 years. I miss him and will ways love him.
It gives me comfort that he is with me in some way that God allows..
Today is mothers Day and he was here with heavens pennies.

Thank you hurly.

I am so so truly sorry for your loss...what a beautiful post...keep your chin up, time will heal. Cannot relate to this but I came across your post and decided to read.

Thank you Sherry.<br />
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Not a day goes by that I don't feel the pain of losing Kim. Many days tears fall like rain and I must admit, I am having a very difficult time moving forward. Kim always said she would stand by me no matter what. I hope this is her way of doing just that until I have the strength to go on alone.<br />
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I am glad you were left with a good feeling after reading my story, that is the "Kim Effect", no matter what she touched, eventually something good came from it. I am hoping something good will also come from her death. Please go to Facebook and search for the page, Kimmy's Law. Go to the DISCUSSIONS tab and read the topics there. Please comment.<br />
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The song is beautiful although I cried through the whole thing. I hope that one day, every tear I cry is an happy moment spent in eternity with Kim.<br />
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Thanks for your message.

What a perfect title for your writing. This is a beautiful, moving, uplifting, and positive post you have left for everyone to read. Normally I would be in tears after reading about someone who had lost their wife. <br />
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I read a great deal of posts on EP, many times I am in tears by the end of what I have read, but when I reached the end of your writing, I did not feel anything remotely close to sadness. instead I was left a nice warm feeling that made me smile. <br />
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This is the kind of story you would read in a copy of Chicken Soup. You might want to consider sending this to them. <br />
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You might like this song it's called courage is. Anyone who can get up and face the day after loosing a loved one, certainly has a lot of courage. Here's the link and I hope you enjoy this song. <a href="" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a><br />
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Thanks for sharing this. I hope you're having a good day.

I look forward to the day she is in my arms again Connie.

This is beautiful. I believe in Guardian Angels and obviously Kimmy is yours and watching over you.<br />
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You are blessed. Be happy in that. When you love someone as you do Kimmy, they never leave....they just move on to wait for you to join them.<br />
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Sincerely<br />
Connie Crick