Losing Myself

Not sure really to begin...

My most vivid past life is the one with most confusion. I don't ever talk abt it but did try hypnosis for more clarity. Unfortunately it was not a past life I remotely remembered...Nor did I feel like it was a past life that required closer...especially the closer I really wanted to get for the most recent one for which I felt I was losing myself in.

I feel like i really messed up...only I'm not sure if it was my actions or the actions of someone else that resulted in an untimely death. Regardless, I was either the "cause or the affect" that resulted in a suicide of a mother...of twins...toddlers! What I recall, I see as if I am a bystander in my own life like watching a movie of someone else's life...what unfolds is tragic. Only I'm not totally sure if I was the one who caused the pain that lead the mother to commit suicide or if the pain I felt was what caused me as the mother to take my own life. Im not sure how to reconcile this.

What I recall is an affair. Not sure which one of the married couple did so but the husband was leaving the marriage...leaving his wife with the 2 small male/female each twins. Wife is devasted and shoots herself in the head right in front of the children. I'm more inclined to believe I was the wife/mother. Although I "watch" this memory, the emotions for her are more real to me. The last memory too that I have is looking right into the faces of the toddlers who are sitting under a tree on a blanket with the mother just before the "lights went out". What is even more interesting is that I know for sure who these two children are today in their current incarnations. They are siblings but not twins....11 yrs apart actually. Their faces were shown to me as they look today...very strange. It's nothing I can do abt it as far as with them. I wish I could but we are not related in this life. I really don't feel that in showing me who they are today meant I had to "fix" anything w either of them. Moreso to show me they r both ok now. That this life is theirs and I don't get to share in it. But more clarity for why I am to relive these final moments is what keeps me lost in the memory. Who was I? Why did this happen? I also can't pinpoint exact time frame but certain it was well before WWII 20s or 30s. It's intriguing but know there is some reason why I have this memory....what I'm supposed to do with it is another story!!!
Yvemdp Yvemdp
41-45, F
1 Response May 8, 2011

Wow. I have had a similar flashback. Except there was one child, and the woman commited suicide because she was raped by a family member. The weapon was a double barrel shotgun of some kind. Weird I thought i was the only one having bizarre past life flashbacks. And the lights going out? weird still because another flashback referred to the situation as the lights going out. Except that one also said they would come back on. A reference to reincarnation? Anyway mine seem to occur in another timeline.