Feeling totally gutted right now..... I met a guy who I thought was awesome and I've caught him in a major lie.... Feeling sick to my stomach.... He doesn't know I know that he lied about this and I'm contemplating how to handle the situation. It's not the first lie I've caught him in.... The first time it happened I confronted him and he was very upset about it and deeply sorry and I believe those feelings to be genuine and part of me understands why he lied about that particular issue. However this second lie is not only inexcusable it's also totally unnecessary.... I can't wrap my head around why he has lied about this..... I don't know how to handle it and how to confront him. I just don't understand why.... I've given him no reason to lie.... If I can't trust the basic things coming out of his mouth then there's just no point :(
Natasha9696 Natasha9696
22-25, F
3 Responses Mar 11, 2016

As strange as this might sound, I'd assume he's protecting himself. He's afraid of something, perhaps abandonment, not being good enough, not losing someone's attention... If you can see it as a defense strategy you might approach him a little more kindly. If you care enough, you can let him know that it's ok to tell you the truth.

I totally agree with you and that's why the first time I was able to put it behind us. I understood why he did it. But this time I can't fathom why he's lied about something so unnecessary.

Well, if it is a subconscious defense mechanism, it can't disappear overnight. He might need some extra help from a competent advisor. You still have the choice of engaging with him or not, while being aware where your limits are. You can still choose your attitude, to be harsh or to be kind.

I'll always choose to be kind because is my love, but I can't have him lying for no good reason...... The only conclusion I can come to is that he lied to make me feel closer to him..... You give good logical advice thank you

Then make this clear to him. Tell him what you'd rather want to happen, for a good relationship between you. If he complies, you're on the right track, if he can't for whatever reason, you're still on the right track - for you.

This is a gigantic whopper of a lie.... I'm still shaking my head in disbelief but k'sra sra whatever will be will be..... Plus I've already been through all this the last time and I thought he understood that there's no reason to lie..... I'm questioning so many things now because of this......

I get it. If you want the truth, stick to your own.

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So sorry to hear how he's shat on you. It does call everything into question when something like that happens...

Thanks x

I recently confronted someone I love with all my heart for telling me the worst kind of lie. When I got to the end of my heartbroken list of how-dare-yous, and how-could-yous, and do-you-even-love-me-at-alls, I asked "Why did you tell me that if it wasn't true? The answer: I thought that's what you wanted to P

wanted to hear." Aaarghh. It took a while to rebuild the trust and he knows that if her ever does it again, that's the end of the rrlstionship.

Fool me once shame on you but fool me twice.......

I dunno what to do.... Once this has been confronted it's the end, I can't see any excuse justifying it.... The hard thing is that I'm more worried about hurting him even though he's in the wrong..... Anyways x