What Now?

So I reached ou to you once again against my better judgement. So here I wait wondering what will happen, Something? Anything?
So If you dont answer me, Do I give up the dream? Or continue to believe that you feel the same? I am so twisted up with emotion at the moment. Just wanting to feel love not from anybody just you. So If it is not to be do I continue what I call "living". I am hollow, broken and only wanting you. Is this the way my life is suppose to be? Without you? Forever? So If I hear nothing back from you how am I suppose to pick up the pieces and move on? If you were to say to me you love me but cant be with me would that be enough? I can't go on believeing that you feel the same when you have never said either way if you do or don't. The clock ticks and I wait. Knowing I need to let go but knowing if I were to do this my love for you would still not end. I know I will have you in a way no one else has or ever will but is that enough? The questions as my love for you will never end.
msgicheygicheyaya msgicheygicheyaya
41-45, F
3 Responses May 4, 2011

Your stories are so beautiful and inspiring. Its inspiring to know that i am not the only one going through this type connection. Mine is diffrent because i see him daily. I dont know if thats better or worse. These type of relationships are so much different that traditional relationships. They take a real toll on you. Even though they tell you that " its not about the relationship, its about the journey" the pain is real. The pain is focused on the relationship and the fact that your souls are grieving for one another. My heart goes out to you. We were seperated for 3 months right after the connection happened and I swear his spirit haunted me daily. I felt like he was with me everywhere i went. I remember writing in my journal that it felt like if i reached out i could touch him. It was the strangest thing i have ever experienced. I tried to fight it, i remember curling up on the floor crying and begging God to take it away and give me some relief. The most mysterious about this is there is nothing you can do about it. Yeah you can focus on yourself and stay busy but eventually they will find a way to intrude your mind. You cant control it. I do better when i just close my eyes and feel the love and whatever i feel and accept it. Thank God for the experience. And believe he feels the same way. You can reach out all you want. He is not going to reach back because he knows that if he makes any move toward the energy between the two of you, he will lose himself. He knows this. He has researched it just as you have, he has gone through the insanity also. After months of this continuing, you have to admit that its real. God bless you.

Sometimes they can disappear even if they tell you they love you, and my reaching out for some kind of contact has been futile. I feel your pain.

I know how you feel and it hurts