So, I met Sam back in 2010 when I was living in Honolulu for graduate school. Super cute and outdoorsy kinda girl that would melt my heart every time i saw her face. Alas, about 12 months later, I had to leave Hawaii and return home to South East Asia.

Since I got home, we've been keeping in touch via FB mostly, and I have always made it known to her how much I like her and I want to see her again. Since we both are always broke, traveling to a different continent is a little too pricey for us.

We never got exclusive. Not even in Hawaii. But, the attraction is always there. We both adore each other, although, I think I adore her way too much. I am convinced that she is the one I want to be with. Can't speak for her though. Maybe she doesn't show it as much. Who knows!

Anywho, latest development is that we're making plans. We are making plans to meet and travel together in 2015. Somewhere not Hawaii. With one condition - She wants me to learn freediving so that we both can do it. She is a certified skin diver by the way.

I, on the other hand, am preparing myself for the scuba instructor examination. Hopefully, being a scuba instructor will grant me that universal passport to travel and work anywhere I want and maybe include Sam in the itinerary. Pretty much planning my life around Sam nowadays. That is why I'm writing this post.

******* crazy about this girl that lives more than 7000 miles away from me; 18-hour difference; across the Pacific Ocean. I don't know if things will work out well with her. But I can at least give it a try, even though it will cost me thousands that I don't even have. YET. She once said that she regretted for not giving it a shot at being exclusive when I was there. I was too kind and nice and patient. So, I never pushed for things to happen.

But now, I think I'm pushing it to happen. Making Sam commit to something. Even if it a freedive trip in Mexico or Australia. And I am willing to commit to freedive lesson for the trip. For Sam. After four years, several bad relationships in between and bad dates, Sam is still the one I keep thinking about. Can't stop thinking about the What Ifs. She is my What If. I am a bit of her What If. It is time to end this What If ****. It is time to ******* find out myself whether she's for real or not.

And time is ticking. A true test of faith and love is looming over the horizon. Will I let this slip away? Or will I seize the moment and Sam, once and for all?

****! Gotta study for my instructor exam now!

SeaTraveler SeaTraveler
36-40, F
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

I wish you the best. Try to be more secure in her love for you. Long distance relationships are most successful when both people are confident in how the other person feels. If she is planning a trip with you for a year from now, she obviously feels strongly about your connection. Even though you can't see each other all the time, a beautiful romance can happen while you are apart. Write letters. Do it old school. You will have those letters for the rest of your life together, and they will be a beautiful reminder of your love. Scientifically, being in love is a temporary state, but it lasts much longer when you don't have everyday contact with the one you love. Enjoy that. Good luck!

Thank you for your kind words! You know, i like sending her post cards from my travels. And small souvenirs included. 😊 Well, im smiling now writing this response. Awesome sound in the background from my itunes. I feel... Something.. Nice and warm and loving... Hah! Gotta keep this vibe for a while now. Thanks!

I'm so happy to read your response. You cheered me up too!

I first met my wife in Dec. of 1982. I was a newly wed at the time. After meeting her I knew I had married the wrong person. She was living with a guy who she wound up marrying. Long story short we got married in 1995. She is still amazed that I knew she was the one back then.

True case of 'If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.' Pretty cool 1naturist. My story is developing still, and sooner or later will come to a fork. What will it be.......