I Know Its Him

My brother. He passed away on May 2nd, 2011. Took his own life. 26 years old. I didn't talk to him 4 months prior to his passing because he had changed into someone I didnt want to know. Drinking. Cheating. Not being there for his kids. Going out clubbing and partying. He became a real jerk.

The night we got the call, we cried for hours. All the lights in the entire house flickered. They flickered so bad that I had to turn them all off. It was almost like strobes. Never had that issues before then.

Third day in, i was laying on the floor crying. We have a younger brother. He is 2 now. He was sleeping. His toy went off, playing a song. I jumped up. It played again. I checked it. Only way it could have went off is if it was rolled or if you push the button. No one was near it.

Almost week in, I was so sad. I cried all day. My phone kept ringing. It was unknown number. Everyime I picked it up, it was static. 10 times. same day, the radio gets turned on with his favorite song playing. At night, I have my first dream of him. He tells me not to be mad at him. He tells me he misses me and loves me. He hugs me. I go to hug him back but he is gone. Just like that.

Nowadays, the lights flicker whenever we talk of him. My little brother, who never saw a picture of him, saw my shirt the other day. I do a suicide prevention walk every year. First thing our brother said was "ash, look its our ricky." He pointed right to his picture on my shirt. He is around. I know he is.
ashgarbs ashgarbs
22-25, F
Sep 19, 2012