They're Signs If I Believe They ArePrayer means different things to different people. The basic principle I guess is universal; a person prays because they believe that someone will hear them, that is the goal, to be heard. But you don’t hear people talk much about what they expect to get out of that communication, other than the fact that many people desire “answers” either in the form of relief from pain or a positive outcome.
I go into it with a completely different attitude. I don’t expect answers, and although it would be nice sometimes, I don’t expect positive outcomes either. I just want to feel loved and free from anxiety and fear. So I beseech and cajole, sometimes resorting to those grandiose words of praise to an unknown god as if flattery will get me somewhere, but I cannot help it—twelve years of Catholic education—some of it is ingrained for god’s sake (actually for god’s sake if you ask them). I just revert to the old prayers out of desperation and exhaustion, when I am not feeling particularly creative. Still, I pray, and I pray with conviction and determination.
Want to know what I pray for most? Signs. I like signs. I like believing that they are communications from the other side. I like believing that someone has heard me and they are attempting to let me know that I am not alone. I even like thinking that I have some kind of extra sensory power, that I can will the signs to appear, confirmation that my messages have gotten through. Perhaps it is silly. Perhaps it is not so silly. I see signs everywhere I look, and it soothes me, so I guess you could say that my prayers have been answered, that I have been comforted, or I have found a way to comfort myself—also good.
I asked for a sign recently to resolve an issue that has caused me grief for some time now. I was fervent in my appeal; I begged. I received a beautiful sign, undeniable, un-ignorable, and unimpeachable.
I guess the argument could be made that this is all in my head, but I have come to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter. I am all of a sudden happy again, happy to be alive, in love with life. If prayer can do all this, which I believe, ba
I said I like to feel as if I have been heard and I like to feel as if I am not alone. Maybe the signs are coincidences; maybe the signs are the products of an overactive imagination. Or, maybe my prayers have been answered. All I know for sure is that spending time in a state of prayer is never wasted time. I feel god. I feel less alone. I feel love, and it feels good.
Quintesse 46-50, F 17 Responses 10 May 15, 2012