I Want My Ex Back!I am writing here because I am in desperate need of guidance and wisdom. My life right now is a mess. Although my family and I are healthy, I am doing well in school, and I am generally content with my surroundings--one thing has me literally withering away. I have slipped into a state of depression. I can't sleep, eat, have conversations with people, and hardly want to ever get up and face my day. I will also soon be seeing a psychiatrist. This anxiety and depression is due to my current relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We have quite a history together. We met back in 2009, and dated (with some ups and downs) up until the summer of 2012. I did something that has now become the greatest regret of my life--I told my boyfriend at the time that I liked someone else. He was crushed. He himself went into a state of depression. He had loved me so much, and I had ruined his life completely. As for me, nothing ended up working out with this new boy I claimed to like. We met at a party once, and never saw/ spoke to each other again. It was then that I had realized what a mistake I had made. I broke up with the love of my life, to selfishly seek someone I simply thought was cute. By the time summer was over, I had apologized to my former lover. He claimed that I wasn't sorry and that I would never be completely sorry until I experienced what he had. He, however, still had such strong feelings for me. So he was willing to stick around, and while things got a little better between us...almost as if we were dating again, that all dissolved somewhat quickly. I noticed a change in attitude in him. He was more distant and wasn't always willing to talk to or hang out with me. I began to become really confused and worried. I began growing even stronger feelings for him. Soon after, I noticed he became friends with this girl he used to claim was "pretty" and "cool". They met through mutual friends and to this day will simply hang out as friends a couple times a month. Jealousy and anxiety has taken over me. While everyone claims they are just friends, I am still so sad. I've gone into this state of paranoia, and feel like they will soon grow strong feelings for each other. My ex-boyfriend still has feelings for me, though. Although he still acts distant, and has certainly drifted away, many of the feelings we once had together come back when he hang out. I can tell just by the way he kisses me. (Yes, we are still kissing and hanging out a couple times a month.)
Not too long ago, I took this stress too far and decided to talk to his new friend myself. Of course, just as my thoughts and feelings were saying all along, she has started to grow feelings for him. Ever since I have found this out, I have been in this state of emotional and physical despair. I have truly never felt this terrible. And although my ex tells everyone, including me, he just sees her as a friend, it still has me full of sorrow. Who knows what he's gonna be thinking soon? And what if he starts to really like her as well? I've been overcome with tremendous regret. Why did I have to break up with him in the first place? Why did I mess up something so great? Why did I not see how lovely he was all along? All I want is to have him back. I want everything we had back. The trust, the romance, the dates. Everything. His famous line he always repeats to me right now is "I still have feelings for you but I just can't date you right now." I truly believe he has great anger towards me still. He is scared. He doesn't want to get hurt again. This is something I totally understand, but I have done everything to show him I have changed. I'm always nice, funny, happy around, (at least lately, after learning that looking too desperate and sad only pushes a guy away.)
So, about two days ago, I spoke to a great friend of mine. She has seen and read The Secret, and is a great believer in it. She has lent me both the book and the movie, and it was eye-opening. It is unbelievable how we can wish for almost anything and receive it from the universe.
However, as I researched more into my own issue--winning back an ex-boyfriend--I have become more skeptical. Many experts have claimed that Law of Attraction does not work in my situation, because the universe cannot control another persons (and in this case, my ex's) thoughts. So for about two days before, I kept repeating to myself "Julian is going to like me again soon.", "Julian is going to want me back soon.", "Julian is going to be my boyfriend soon.", "Julian and I are going to get into a really great and healthy relationship again soon."....but now I'm worried those phrases will not work.
I went on The Secret's website for some more inspiration and to get out of my sadness for a little. I was amazed to see how many people have shared their story and how the LOA worked for them. I was also even happier when I read many people, who were in a similar situation as me and trying to win back their ex, used The Secret and are now happier than ever with their boyfriend/girlfriend back. I began taking some of their suggestions. So, I tried to be thankful for many things today. I also created a "Visionary Journal" and wrote down everything I wanted to happen between my ex and me. I even have the specific date of when he'll confess all of his feelings for me and ask me back out again (March 12th!!!).
However, I still have my doubts. I can't stop picturing my ex and his new friend spending time together. I just wish I could clear my subconscious mind, because surely everything that has happened in the past or whatever my situation is now is holding me back from letting go of these bad images and manifesting a relationship with my ex again.
I am writing here so that anyone can tell me exactly what to do, say, and feel to get my ex back in my life (for good). I am in love with him, and can't bare to see myself with anyone else, which is also what my ex has said. I don't want to date anyone else. I don't want to find love elsewhere. I want Julian's love, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I know he is my soulmate. We just have this special connection that is hard to find. I know The Secret says that no thought is too big or too small for the universe to make a reality, so how can I do so with my own problem? Do I begin to wish for just a relationship with him, instead of him changing his feelings for me?
It would mean so much to me if someone could lend some advice. I am willing to do anything.