Ok, There I've Said It.... I Do.....

I believe in traditional roles within marriage, the ideal of one half being the HOH (head of house to the uninitiated!!), of them having the final say, being the ultimate decision maker, and in some cases, disciplinarian, if you believe in moderate DD lifestyle like I do.  But I can here a multitude of you shouting out, don't be silly woman, that's archaic and what on earth are you thinking, but please, hear me out.....
A relationship, a marriage is about two people (yeah I know polygamy is out there but, just No, sorry, that's like having your cake and eating it for the man.... so, no, not for me!!) anyway, back to what I was saying, its about two people a PARTNERSHIP, yes?
So it is a partnership, with that it should follow that there would be open, free, constant communication between both parties, discussions about everything from the mundane to the important, it should be fun and silly, deep and meaningful, it should be about yin and yang, both of you working for a common goal of togetherness, born out of love, attraction, friendship and mutual respect, yes?
So why on earth would I feel that one party should have 'authority' over the other....

well look at it this way - in the commercial world, in industry, in politics, in life in general how many arguments start over parties battling for supremacy, for having the ultimate power, the final say..... many many many of them... you only need to look at the state of Europe to see that they are all trying to vie for top spot, to be king pin, to come out as leader, and all are failing, Europe is crashing into chaos because they each have their own agenda, each pulling in different directions, trying to score points in the ultimate game of power but its like the old adage, too many cooks spoil the broth !! one wants more salt, the other more pepper one thinks its too runny, whist the other doesn't think its runny enough!! 
Leadership from one quarter is required, where someone has the ultimate final decision BUT and here's the key point here, I am NOT talking about a DICTATORSHIP, no, I am talking about one person being elected into that position of authority like the CEO of a company, the Prime Minister (NOT co-alition government), the President..... each of these people has the ultimate power of their countries or organisations.  The decision making power, the ultimate say and the last word - when the chips are down we look to those in positions of power to lead us, trust them, as elected individuals, to make the right choices for us, our well-being, our safety and our prosperity.
AND YET each and every one of those people in power have an army of advisers, supporters, confidants to help them, guide them, discuss with them, allow them to see varying and divergent view points, in order to help them make the final decision; and yes, they get it wrong (sometimes more often than not) but then they are human, fallible, and mistakes are made, and more so when running a country or corporation because then you have the problem of power corrupting unscrupulous individuals each with their own agenda and you have more issues to deal with than in a simple marriage.... and yet the similarities, for me at least, are there....
If, in a marriage or partnership, we are both vying for power, both pulling in different directions, then something is wrong.... relationships, marriages take work. Hard Work.  For me it should be a about working together towards a common goal, with mutual respect and trust.  It should be about wanting to ensure your loved one is safe and happy, that your friendship grows throughout your marriage.... but how can that work if you are both trying to out do each other, score points and ultimately win.......
I truly believe that in any partnership one person is the natural dominant of the pair, and I know enough about myself for me to realise that I wouldn't be that person.  Yes I am an intelligent, independent, self assured woman, I have a mind of my own, I have thoughts and beliefs, morals and an internal compass of what I believe to be right and wrong.... I would not blindly submit to my partners authority, but then, any man I choose would not want me to blindly submit either, he should recognise and respect my ideas, my thoughts, my ideals, he would not put me in a position where I would be asked to compromise who I am or what I believe in, we would discuss and debate and consider but ultimately I would defer to his final decision, which, I believe would ultimately be OUR decision.
So yeah, I believe in the traditional roles within marriage, of one person being HOH, but one final thing before I go, just because for me, the HOH would be my husband, it doesn't always follow that the dominant partner  is always going to be the man in a hetero relationship, and I fully applaud that.
lostlittlefirefly lostlittlefirefly
41-45, F
1 Response May 20, 2012

Very good explanation.