Raising A Family The Traditional Way

When I wed my lovely husband he told me how he wanted his children to be raised and said I must fully support him which I do. Some people have said we are old fashioned, others have fully supported us.

DH comes from a very traditional family and he wants this to continue. He does not believe I should work outside the home, which I don't and I actually love this, looking after the home and children is a full time job and I really don't know how other mothers work and be a housewife. I respect this.

His daughters have a dress code of skirts and dresses, no trousers are allowed. (I have the same rule). He likes it when I show them how to cook and clean, whilst our son is taught task by DH like tree cutting, gardening, heavy work that DD are not permitted to do.

Our DS is taught to open doors for the girls, things like that. When serving dinner at the weekends the girls help me and we serve hubby first and then our son. All the children are taught to stand up when hubby walks in. We don't do this in the week, just for oun sunday meal. The girls also wear a dress for Sunday lunch. Hubby wants his son as head of the house when he is not there when he is older.

When dinner is finished the boys leave the table and we clean up. My husband likes me sometimes to sit on the floor by his legs after sunday lunch so he stoke my hair, after a while he then tells me to sit on the sofa. The girls sometimes do this as well.

In our family we teach our girls to respect the men of the house, to always look our best and to see they want for nothing. I know this it outdated now but it does work in our family and it is something I am very proud of.
jopearsonuk jopearsonuk
31-35, F
5 Responses Dec 16, 2012

Seeking your advice....
Any help / perspective you can give would be much appreciated!

I'm so discouraged with being single and bewildered how to find a woman like this. I know in my soul that I need a highly "sub" type who is also significantly younger (about 10-15 years seems to be the sweet spot).

But I've only just finally really figured this all out after a recent relationship where I quite accidentally stumbled on a woman like this, and then stumbling on all this perspective in Experience Project posts.

I now know that the other women not being sub types is just one of the major reasons why things were WAY off in previous connections, none of which lasted more than a few months.

I'm brutally aware now how rare these sub women are. I find it difficult to meet women at all in our society, which is both disconnected and lacking in values... and I know I'm looking for a needle in a haystack on top of that.

I'm a super loving, kind, affectionate type of man who is also very dominant at the same time. I need a woman who can (and longs to) surrender to being totally dominated sexually and emotionally, yet also showered with love, affection, and respect. Notice I didn't say dominated mentally, financially, in decision making, etc - I want a strong-willed woman with a mind of her own too, not someone to think for, tell her what to do, or control her in all aspects. I'm not a control freak or one to disrespect women - just the opposite! Sure, out of love I would put my foot down on certain things where I know what's best for our well-being, but It's mostly just at the emotional, sexual, intimate level.

When I finally stumbled on this kind of relationship, there's no way I can describe how wonderful, freeing, nourishing, and life-giving it was for both of us. Totally effortless... She was eager to please and was easily pleased.... And so profoundly vulnerable in my arms, as well as sexually receptive and uninhibited in all aspects. So blessed and vulnerable. I felt totally free to be myself, felt more secure, and felt free to really love, respect, and appreciate her at a level that most women obstruct by being fickle, selfish, domineering, or sexually inhibited. But she wasn't a Christian and so I had to leave her. It's brutal.

I'm trying to find some kind of hope of finding a partner by researching this stuff online and figuring out how to tell if a woman is a sub type (it appears to me that it's very hard or impossible to tell until you get into deeper emotional intimacy, and by the time you do that you've already invested a lot of time and energy, and as a Christian are entering the sin zone) and especially how to meet one! I rarely connect or find opportunities to connect with women at all as it is! I need help understanding how to tell if she is a sub type, or how to make her feel free to open up about it. I'm sure single sub women are deeply hurting because they don't have a man to meet that deep need, and live in a culture that stigmatizes it, so are hesitant to open up about it.

I have a deep understanding of psychology and have studied it a great deal, yet I was oblivious to this whole aspect of human psychology and even to my own make up as a loving dominant type. It's just shocking.

I'm also now keenly aware that this is all misinterpreted as chauvinistic, sexist, and immoral in the backwardness of western society, so sub women and dominant men alike must be like hiding, overwhelmed and feeling isolated by our confused feminist culture full of domineering women, and men who are either selfish womanizing a**holes, or else emasculated feminized metrosexuals. I can't be the only one who sees this. It must be just as hard for the submissive women, who I suppose have a brutal time finding a dominant man who is also loving, sensitive, has good values and will not take advantage of their surrender.

The countless Christians I've been surrounded by in many churches over the years are in fact full of the most feminized, emasculated men and domineering, fickle, sexually inhibited women. They preach and practice a concept of marriage that looks loveless, vanilla and, while they say men should lead, ultimately emasculating and female dominated. I feel even more isolated there. Their Ideas about "submission" and male "leadership" are highly distorted, to put it mildly, and it's clear to me that this is the main reason for why the divorce rate is as high in Christian marriage as among unbelievers. I know better than to even talk about this stuff with most Christians. They can not understand the scriptures either, which are clear that God owns and dominates the heart and body of a man, and man owns and dominates the heart and body of the woman, and this is to be handled with love.

I've also seen the "taken in hand" website and can say that's not quite it either. He says there "Men serve and lead, women receive and obey." And "it's not about the woman being submissive. She should not be very submissive."

Well no sir, that's not quite it at all. It's ALL about the woman being naturally submissive, and not as much about rules and obedience. I don't want to totally control a woman and think for her. I want to dominate her with love and passion, receive her full vulnerable surrender of her body and heart and handle it with love, care, and respect... and she can enjoy thinking for herself. I'm not into this domestic discipline stuff either. It's something much deeper and more subtle and nuanced than just spanking/disciplining a woman. No offense to those who enjoy that, but I find it deeply lacking and does nothing for me. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of spanking and other rough stuff in good lovemaking but it's more about passion and domination than discipline.

It's not a practice, a lifestyle, a choice, or a formula. Rather, It's in how the woman is wired and put together. She should be quite Alpha and rough around the edges ordinarily in daily life, but profoundly vulnerable and surrendered intimately. On the surface, you would never know she is a sub type. There's no rules or practices in it. Does that make sense? Because that's what I found with this lady I mentioned.

The worst part is that the outlets I see so far for subs and dominant types to connect is in depraved bdsm circles and websites, which are all really just lust, fetish, and ***********, and frequently involve a total lack of values (open relationships, group sex, bisexuality, etc). I'm not the least bit interested in that. I'm interested in loving, committed, monogamous marriage between one God fearing man and one God fearing woman in one LOVE for one lifetime.

So in conclusion.... What I need help with is...
How to find this in this mess?
How to talk with women about this without just sleeping around to find out (I'm not into that).
Where to meet one?
Any good websites or forums you might recommend for people to find partners? Etc...
I know The Lord could lead someone to me, but the fact is that if I'm not exposed to opportunities and looking/mingling in the right places, that likely won't/can't happen.

Progress is a myth. Just because something is "new" doesn't mean its better. Almost all changes are bad. Only the very few good changes stand a test of time and become "old fashioned" because they were good.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being old fashioned. As a matter of fact, I think it is much better than any other alternative! So many people try to throw that term in our face as an insult but what they don't understand...is that we take it as a compliment, lol!

I believe that more and more people are longing for good family values, morals and manners. It may seem out of date, but I hope what went round comes again.
I appreciate the rules of your house.
I believe all good men must be treated with the utmost respect and it is fine that your son is learning this too. Hopefully one day he will be the head of a family and will implement your high standards.
I also wear dresses and skirts and I think all schools should impose uniforms - like in England. To the knee skirts and blouses with jackets and ties for the girls - for the boys: trousers, white shirts, ties and jackets.
This would surely help the young people today. Half of them walk around half-naked.
You have every right to be proud!

best wishes
Jack's Jill

Many families used to have their own traditions that may not have been specifically like what you describe, I'm sure there were at least some similarities. Things were a bit different in the traditional family my sister and I were raised in and in the generations before our time. However, some of the main things were somewhat the same for us. For instance, I am the first non-stay at home mother among the females in my family going back into history. My father and before him, my grandfather sat at the head of the table and were very much the respected heads of their own households.

We didn't have a brother, there was only the two of us girls. So, I am somewhat interested in your indication that your husband wants his son to eventually become the man of the house when his father is absent. What sort of target age does your husband think that should start? How much and what sort of authority would your son have when his father is not home?

Everyone showed my father a great deal of respect, in and out of our family. It was all very natural to look to him as the head of our household. That said, he was often gone for long periods due of his various professional responsibilities. Mom handled most of the guidance and discipline in his absence.

I think I'd have a very hard time getting my head around the fact of my sister (far more rebellious then me), our mother and me all being held accountable to a brother. Believe that would take some doing and probably require some period transition or whatever for a son/brother to firmly establish his authority. Just how firm would your son be expected to be with you and your daughters?

Norgeprincess - I wasn't brought up like that either, but if the father is teaching the son to take responsibility - than he will be a great help to the mother when dad is not at hand - doesn't sound big-city, but may be more common than you think in smaller areas. There is nothing wrong with a teen son helping to take responsibilities at home.

I come from a rural farming area and yes teenaged sons helped out a great deal with chores and farm work. We girls also helped our mothers and also did some farm chores. But, there was no doubt many of the boys did more heavy lifting then we did. For instance, I used to often drive the tractor, slowly pulling a hay wagon, while my boy cousins loaded heavy hay bales on and stacked them until we had a full load. I'd drive back to the barn and the boys would offload the bales and put them on a conveyor that would take them up into the hay loft to again be stacked in a way that allowed for air circulation.

My one uncle suffered a terrible injury and was laid up, in and out of the hospital for a series of operations, for some time. His then 16 year old son took over much of the actual physical work in running the farm. I completely agree that working and helping the family out by taking over responsibilities is a positive thing for a son whose father has taught him how to handle those responsibilities. It's good for him and good for his family.

That said, the original experience shared caused me to wonder about how much of a fathers role as HOH a teenaged son would be expected to assume when his father is not home? If he is to be the HOH during this time, does he take over all of his father responsibilities for things like decisions, direction and discipline for his sisters? Could a mother in this situation also be held accountable to her son while he is the head of their household?

Like I mentioned, we didn't have a brother and out family situation was somewhat different, in that Mom handled most of the discipline. However, if we had been in a situation like that described, I wouldn't mind having a brother take over our fathers responsibilities in some areas, but I would have had a hard time being held accountable to him for my behavior. Beyond that, I would have a hard time getting my head around someone like my mother being held accountable to a son who was given the authority to be the HOH while his father was gone.

BTW, I'm not being critical in any way. I saw how well my one cousin did in taking over a good deal of his father responsibilities on their large dairy farm. Everyone was impressed at how calm and dedicated he was and how much he grew from the experience and how critical it was in keeping the farm going. He organized his siblings some in sharing the work load and generally did a great job.

That said, I can't imagine him standing in for his father fully as HOH and all that would imply with it. But, then we know many different families have different traditions and I just wonder how having a teenaged son standing in as the HOH would work?

I don't think a mom would be accountable to a son in that way but he might discipline the sisters or ask the mom to do it. She is still his mother.

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