Effing Psycho"You're an effing psycho."
It's been almost a week but those are the last words my daughter spoke to me. I had finally gotten her on her phone and was asking her where she was and if she was safe. She had been missing for 16 hours. After being classified as a runaway it was determined that the best way to locate her would be to just keep calling her until she answered her phone, which could then be traced.
I promised her unconditional love when they placed her in my arms 15 years ago. I have never backed down from that promise. It takes a fair amount of courage to make a promise like that. I hadn't had the 9 months to get to know her; as an adoptive mom though, I had learned to wait, and I was ready to make the committment, the vow. I knew I had the love to give and the determination and the strength of character to make good on that promise. I just didn't know how hard she was going to make it for me.
Maybe I am.
Maybe a person who loves with the passion and intensity that I do is a little nuts. I don't know any other way to be.
She is a troubled child, and I can't help her.
All I can do is be here if and when she needs me, decides that I am worthy of love after all, despite my faults.
It makes me feel a little abused though, this verbal assault, this waiting,
wondering if the love I promised will ever be returned.
But you see that's the thing about unconditional love--it has that forgiveness clause in there, and there is no statute of limitations.
Love = Forgiveness.