For Clarity's Sake

She said, “Thank you for being here for me.”
And I thought, where else would I be? Don’t you know that we are a part of one another, that I can sense when you are in pain, that there isn’t anywhere else I would be if I think you need me?
He said, “Can you forgive me?”
And I thought, I already have. Don’t you know that it is not a matter of forgiveness because there is nothing you could do that I would find unforgivable.
We use the word love a lot in our culture, and there is no word more powerful, but I fear it’s meaning has become diluted from overuse.  So perhaps if one uses a modifier, to make the point more clear.
This is love: Unconditional.
Quintesse Quintesse
51-55, F
19 Responses Dec 26, 2012

I offered someone unconditional love once but they walked away from me.
It is a special thing and not many people are truly capable of it.
I am.
I have been tested, but I can tell you, on my honor...I am.

It shows in your thoughts and writing. You are a treasure, waiting to be found by the right person! Indeed.

When I create a group here I start by typing I love...then I stop and think, do I really love this? You are right, the word is often overused, and for as much as it is used its not unconditional that often.

Thank you those of you who get this. It's not really a complicated concept and it can sometimes be misunderstood for co-dependence (a phrase I hear a lot) but I have given this a lot of thought and this is how I am, how I live. To be able to forgive is to be able to grasp unconditional love.

I think this is beautifully put.

Oh, thank you for that.

LOVE this. I may be contributing to the over use you spoke of but, I don't care.

You're a good guy, and you wear your heart on your sleeve, just like me. I overuse too. It' all okay.

I admire your quintessence!

I am glad we met here. Thank you for the compliment.

I want to be you when I grow up.... You are one heck of a person... Oxo

Jen, I thank you too. I am trying so hard to come up with a philosophy, a set of "rules" that I can live with so that I do not have to keep explaining myself. I am at an age now where I can simply say to those who question my's my choice--this is how I choose to live my life. This is how I choose to love.
Thanks for getting me, for always being here, for the support.

Quintesse Thank you. You have summed it all up in this beautiful post and your comments below.

hLove, For years I could not articulate it. I was told I was a glutton for punishment, or more recently that I was co-dependent. And of course there is doormat, which implies naivete and lack of clarity as far as what exactly is going on.
Here's the thing--I know exactly what's going on. I can see situations from different perspectives etc. I know full well what I am doing and what the consequences are...and I love them anyway, and I let them know it.
It has not weakened me. It has strengthened me.

I never really believe until it knocks me up... What you wrote is what exactly inside me. Unconditional love it is.

Astfar, I had to respond here as I have a love/hate relationship with the internal reply boxes...

As to your response: I think that the reason a lot of people reject the notion of unconditional love is because they consider it to be something that only god is capable of, (and those who believe in the concept of say hell, do not even believe god is capable of it.)
To fully embrace it does not mean that there are not consequences in relationships. I answered this question in another story, (Will link) I think it means that the love is always there, even though the relationship may be altered.

But I liked what you said about reciprocity because that is really at the heart of this. As Sciguy said (below) about love being determined by the one who chooses to love. Now if both choose to love each other that way (imagine that!) that is what makes a real marriage, for example, but I think that it is rare, to find and feed that kind of bond. People get married for a lot of different reasons, not always having to do with love.

But my favorite part about what you said was when you talked about this concept being beyond time. If one accepts the concept of unconditional love as a part of life (and death)--that it transcends time--that is what opens us up to the concept of life after death and "love eternal."
Life here on earth is hard. Believing in something as all-encompassing and life affirming as unconditional love is what makes all of the trials we face a little easier, I think.
But I have had some very difficult relationships throughout my life and I have had people tell me over and over to walk away, and they are incredulous at my ability to forgive. I may not have perfected it, but I spend my life trying--and that I believe with all of my heart is why we are here in the first place.
I have a lot of my revelations in real time too--so I get it. Thanks for talking to me about this.

This is to me the true meaning of love "it means that the love is always there, even though the relationship may be altered. " I wonder why this is such a hard statement for so many people to grasp.

Thanks Dreamgirl and Uncle. I run pretty fast and lose with the "I love yous" but the real test is when things get hard and feelings get hurt, which is part of life. The only way to overcome that and heal is to forgive. This I've learned, and I've learned it well. It's what makes me able to say "I love you no matter what".
Thanks for your comments.

“The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.” ~ Stephen Kendrick


love you, miss Q

You are such a good friend to me, not only because you always read and comment in such nice ways but because you are so sincere and genuine. I love you too.

giant hugs to you

This gives me a lot to think about. As usual.


Thank you for that comment my friend. There are some who will say that unconditional love does not exist, but I know it does because I live it. It involves a lot of letting go and an ability to forgive. It is not about "your " pain and "my" pain. It is "our" pain and we work it out together. That is what I mean when I tell someone I love them. If I say it you can trust that I mean it.

We all carry so much self-doubt. Am I worth loving? Is it wise to have faith in others? Will they let me down? Should I trust? It's probably a measure of how much we love ourselves as to how we accept love from others. Why would I think I was worth it, if I don't even trust myself to love me? A wise post my friend.

I guess I am speaking from the point of view of the person offering unconditional love as opposed to expecting to receive it from another person--to be clear--I have never felt that from a receiving standpoint. But I offer it (and I make good on it) because when I look at a person I see the child within, the innocence, the fear, and the one desire that we all seek as human beings--to be accepted and loved for who we are despite our faults.
I would imagine that this approach is vital in a therapeutic situation. While there are different kinds of "love" (romantic, maternal etc) the unconditional aspect of it all is what drives humans to pursue relationships in the first place. No one goes in hoping to get hurt or be rejected. I like that you said "Unreserved commitment." and "No conditions required" to sustain the relationship. That's it exactly.