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Boundaries

I believe in unconditional love with all my heart, but I had to learn the hard way that unconditional love doesn't mean love without boundaries.

I can love someone & give them all of myself and even forgive just about anything without allowing myself to be a doormat or enabler.

See that's my issue really is that I tend to be the one who so wants to prove the existence of a real love, a sacred love...that I look past things that end up bringing me down.

In my last 2 long-term relationships I've been a stepping stone.  I've loved people who I believed were amazing people, and they were!  But just not living to the "potential" (we've all heard that one) possible. 

I am great at showing others how they can become "actualized", but when it comes to myself, I get lost and end up feeling like I've been sucked dry. 

So I guess I've tended towards emotional vampires and hope that I'm not turning into one.  I feel so needy right now.  Almost like I have no time to hear of others "stuff" because I've been stifling my own for others for so very long.

So between having 2 teen children, who obviously, always, seem to need something and 2 men who took and took and when they finally found success, decided that they no longer needed me....I've lost me.

I've been saying for a very long time that I feel like a ghost.  Or I'll sarcastically say "don't call me baby or mom, call me casper".  I've got all sorts of good ones because I feel like no one hears me or sees me for who I am or what I may need.

Where does this go with unconditional love?  Well, I think mainly it goes without saying that I used to know how to do this for myself and at some point I lost myself.  YES!  Unconditional love is unselfish, but I also believe in the idea that we must love ourselves to allow others to love us. 

Oh the complexities of love relationships.  Now I hope that I can find the happy medium and allow someone else to love me unconditionally.  I have my doubts though.  I don't know if that person even exists.  They say that the Universe creates a man/woman that is perfect for each of us.  Don't we all believe that when we're in love no matter who it is?  Or maybe I'm wrong and someday I'll meet the "one" with whom I'll just know that they're actually "the one".

Until then, I'm selfish right now.  I need time to heal of course, but this unconditional love thing is an innate part of me.  I don't think it's something I can just turn off.  I give this to everyone....even enemies believe it or not.  I end up feeling sorry for them in what I see as deficiencies, not so much like "sins" or character flaws.  We all have issues to work out.  I suppose how well we can mesh all depends on how well we can accept those deficiencies in one another.  I think it's natural that not all of us can mesh, but I still try to show love to everyone. 

There are 3 people I can honestly say I love unconditionally in this world.  Others I try, but am not always successful.  Those 3 people could do anything and say anything and I would still give my life for them.

That's a love I will never give up on.

lucidpsi lucidpsi 36-40, F 4 Responses Dec 8, 2009

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whatever it is if u do posses unconditional love and dont hav slightest of ego exisiting ,then i feel your lives will surely turn magical one day... :)love nd hope is all that can make things really happen.....

A big hug from someone else who is doomed to be "the lover"

I think love is a resolve never to give up on someone no matter what. You found out those two men did not love you when they gave up. Quitters are f'ing lame. <br />
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I, too, want to make sure someone else loves me before I love back next time.

ya, i know that feeling disasster. <br />
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you sound like a kind person....why the "***" in your name?<br />
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also, i think i forgot to touch on something someone taught me. i think it came from the book "Tantra of the Beloved". but it's in many others too. it's the ideology of the "Lover & the Beloved". i think there's a book by that name as well.<br />
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i think i'm doomed to be "the lover". oh how i yearn to be the beloved....just once. or at least both play both roles. i feel such longing to share my life with somone. especially after my recent life events. people tell me it's strange that i would want to be with someone and the funny thing is....is that i really do wanna be alone, but once i'm alone i long for someone's lap to lay my head on....a hug....the simple little things that make you feel safe and secure and loved. <br />
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i don't think anyone loves me. i mean i know my children do, but you know how parents have favorites and grandparents or other family. or people have best friends, etc. i have no one. <br />
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no one calls. no one emails. aside from my children...if i disappeared today, no one would notice. or it would be a quick blip on the radar and then nothing. <br />
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oh ya, there may be some chitter about "how tragic" or "what a waste", but short-lived. it's a terrible feeling when you realize that no matter how much you love others...no one loves you back. nothing you've done is important and no one would be affected if you were gone. i even wonder if my children would be better without me. <br />
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No...i'm not gonna off myself. i stupidly sit here hoping for change. i should know better. it's always been this way. <br />
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and i DON'T want pity. i could care less if my pain is even acknowledged if only someone would walk with me....even at a distance. <br />
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i wonder what i must have done to incur this kind of karma. i do love others unconditionally. what's so wrong with me that no one will do the same?