Light Heart~


Everything was the same, same food, schedule and school. Nothing, really interesting happened. I only wished that something chaotic would happen to my life, but sadly I’m still waiting. "Are you daydreaming again?" I looked at her. Aw, Sally still a goody, goody girl, but she's my friend. I just nodded my head. Looking out of the window I saw a figure that went by so fast that I couldn't keep up. "Hello, earth to Deb." "Did you see that?" I said watching closely once more. "See what?" "A figure that passed by." "I have no clue what so ever." I settled down, thinking if i was crazy or something and that apparently worked. The bus finally stopped and I noticed someone that was new. His black hair that is smooth, and silky and his blue eyes that can trace down every move. He walked passed me and i could feel a different atmosphere around him, but apparently no one else did. Sally was just listening to here i pod, while i was trying to think about something else, but i couldn't. "Did you study for the pop quiz?" I looked at Sally and once again she made me think about something else. "Dang, I didn't." I said sadly, my grades are going to be horribly low. Sally just giggled. We finally made it to school. Irving high school was the most ghetto school I ever seen, but sadly I had to attend to this school. I of course have a brain that I apparently use, unlike other people. "So how are you going to pass?" "And no more cheating!" Sally sounded like my mom. "Can I look at your notes?" She hand it over like it was no biggy. I hurried and wrote on my hands the most important stuff. "Hey you can’t do that." I looked at little innocent Sally. "Who's going to stop me?" Of course she gave up on helping me doing to right thing. We quickly sat down and did the pop quiz. It was amazing how your brain works. I was the second person to finish. Then he walked in the class room. The mysterious guy with those dark solemn eyes is so attracting. "May I have your attention?" People were looking at Mr. Shives, but I wasn't. Instead i was starring at him. "What's your name son?" Mr. Shives said with a deep breath. "My name is Danny." Every girl instantly fell in love with him, but I didn't. I was just quite interested. "Danny you can sit by Deborah." I hated it when they say my real name, it was annoying. He quietly sat right next to me. His face was so handsome and he is so pale. "Here you go Danny, this is the pop quiz we were doing, and you can just do your best." Mr. Shive walked away, looking carefully at all the students. The students that got caught cheating were such an amateur. Mr. Shive never did catch me. “Do you know where I can turn this in?” I was astonished! How fast he finished, it was truly amazing. “You might want to check it.” I said trying to help him out. “He just scanned his paper. “Where do I turn this in?” This guy is hopeless, I slowly pointed to the tray. He walked casually and gracefully that I was jealous and ashamed. “So where are you from?” I asked not trying to sound like I was rude. “I’m from California.” He looked at me, our eyes met and I felt embarrassed. I quickly looked at the clock wanting to get away form this guy, even though he is charming. “ding ding ding!” Finally save by the bell. I quickly grabbed my stuff and when I turned around he was gone. I felt so angry at him, why would he leave so fast? Does he hate me? I quietly walked to the cafeteria, and I saw him. He just sat down not eating or anything. “Doesn’t he look so hot?” Every freaking girl was talking about him. I finally got my food and sat right next to Sally. He was keeping on looking at me, and I felt so insecure. My heart pounded really fast and I was blushing. Then finally he left. When he left I had this feeling to follow him, but my legs wouldn’t move. “Deb, I think I’m in love.” I couldn’t believe what I heard. Sally talking about love! “Don’t tell me that you like Danny!” She just nodded her head. It was like a disease spreading to girls. “Well you’re not the first.” I looked at all the girls babbling about him, it was so annoying. I said bye to Sally and walked in the hall way. Trying to get the image of Danny out of my head, but it was so hard. “Hey, what was your name again?” I twirled around and saw him. His angel like face was the first thing I saw. “My name is Deborah, but I would like it if you call me deb.”  He just nodded his head. He smoothly leans on the locker, his body just like a fashion model. All of a sudden his eyes got darker and he turned paler than ever. “I have to go.” He vanished so fast, but I cared about him. Did something happen? Is he hurt? I wanted to ask him, but he disappeared. “Boo!” I rolled my eyes and knew who it was, surprisingly it was Sally. “Aw, man why can’t you at least pretend to be scared?” I laughed and pat her at the back. “I know every move you make.” I knew something was bothering her. “Is it Max again?” She looked down and nodded her head. Mark the one guy that is apparently a show off. Just because his dad rules this school and he has some good looks, he made me angry. My temper couldn’t hold off. I marched in the cafeteria looking for him. Ah, there he was, flirting with a lot of girls. “Wait, don’t do this.” Sally said not looking at me. “Why, should I let him go?” Sally didn’t say a word. “I thought so.” We met face to face. “Hey Deborah.” “Still hanging out with geek girl?” My hand was trembling, I wanted to hit him so bad, but I can’t afford to get in trouble. “And you’re still a daddy boy aren’t you.” Everyone was looking at us, but I didn’t care. “Why you little…” I didn’t flinch at all. “Stop judging people by their looks.” I said in a low voice. “Wow I’m scared.” I knew half of these girls got mistreated by him, and they’re to scared to stand up for themselves? What freaking losers. “You should be.” I walked off and Sally followed me. “Are you ok?” “Yeah I’m great.” I said smiling. We both talked about how stupid Kyle was, you know the principal son. I just wanted to smack him on his face upside down. “I got to go.” I said waving bye to Sally. She just waved back.           Biology was super easy. “Class we are going to learn about many different types of blood.” Mr. John was a fun lovable teacher, but I felt bad for him because he had lots of stupid people, like Kyle. “Wow, I guess Danny isn’t here.” “Nope he’s here.” I said blurting out without thinking. And then we started our lab. Of course I got a 100, but I never did try. I watched Kyle and his so called friends playing around, and that made me angry. I just decided to ignore them and go to sleep. “Deb, wake up, it’s time to go to your next period.” “Mom is that you?” I murmured. I felt embarrassed, because it was my teacher that had woke me up. “No, Deb it’s time to go.” Mr. John said with a smirk. I ran as fast as I could. When School was finally over I hurried and catch the bus. “What took you so long?” Sally said with her deep green eyes. “I slept, kind of…” She listened to her I pod, and I was trying to find Danny, and there he was sitting a lone. We starred for a while, and it was kind of freaky and weird in the same time. The bus stop and I said good bye to Sally. Danny instantly looked away. “Mom are you here!” Of course she wasn’t here because she would always be so busy at work.           I quickly did my homework, and waited, and waited and waited. And still she wasn’t here! I somehow went to sleep, and had a weird dream. I had a dream about Danny. The more I think about him the more I blushed. I wanted to know him more, and become his friend, but does he? The thoughts about him were making me confused. The dream about him vanished and I fell a sleep peacefully then ever. “Yawn!” “Did you not get any sleep yesterday?” I looked at Sally and nodded my head. Before I was about to talk, the atmosphere around us, changed. There he was with his black cloak on. He glanced at me and stopped. He carefully, licked his soft tender lips, and looked away. I couldn’t resist looking at his lips, how admirable I was. “Did you hear the news?” Sally said interrupting what I was thinking. “What news?” I glanced at her, her eyes turn bigger and she took a deep breath. “They’re gang members killing people, at night.” It wasn’t a surprise. Irving is the most populated gang members. I looked at her with mine, I done care face. “And it’s been told that the people that got killed have no blood.” Then it hit me. Like a twirl of wind. This wasn’t the gang member that did it. “Are you sure it’s the gang members?” She nodded her head. Until this day I was aware of my location and place. With every step I’ll glance behind me.           “Wow Gang members!” Mark yelled with sarcasm. Apparently everyone was afraid, and I knew Mark was just acting, for he’s afraid. The calmest person I seen today was Danny. He casually got his lunch and didn’t say a word. He wasn’t eating or anything, but thinking. I wondered what he was thinking, as if he would know who did it. I walked toward him and sat in front of him. “Do you know who killed people last night?” He looked at me with his blue piercing eyes. “Isn’t it the gang members?” I knew he was lying; by the way he glanced away from me. “O, ok.” “Didn’t you watch the news?” Danny said with his smooth voice. “Nope, I don’t watch TV.” “Then how are you going to know if something dangerous will happen?” That pierced me. Why does he care? It doesn’t seem that he doesn’t care about anything, because he’s so calm all the time. “Well, people spread the news all the time.” I said drinking my milk. When I drank my milk, he looked at me with a ewe kind of expression. “What?”  “Nothing,” He said smiling at me. He looked at me with a caring expression, and then looked away. “Your eyes are pretty.” I said without thinking. “Really?” I looked at his dumb expression. “Would I lie to you?” We both laughed and had a blast. I guess he wasn’t a bad guy. “Why did you move here?” Danny kept on starring at Mark with a angry face. I followed his stare and noticed Mark babbling about something. “Because my parents are divorced and I wanted to stay with my dad.” I shook my head and took a bite from a pizza. “Why aren’t you eating?” “I’m not hungry.” I looked at him doubtfully. He never ate all weak and he’s still not hungry? “Fine I guess I have to feed you.” I stabbed the fries with my fork and fed him. People were looking at us, but we didn’t care. I felt so happy when I fed him. “See the food isn’t that bad.” I said glancing at him with his polite manners. He smirked a little. “Can I feed you?” I blushed but, I hope that no one saw that, especially Danny. “Sure.” I said in a whisper. He lightly dabbed the French fries and fed me. It was so cute, but a little bit embarrassing. I quietly chewed and blushed. He suddenly smiled. I loved it when he smiled, but then I saw a sharp tooth that looks like it can pierce metal. He quickly stopped smiling, instead he looked away. “Wow, you sure have a sharp tooth.” When I said that, he looked serious. “I guess you don’t like your sharp tooth.” He looked at me and laughed. “What? What’s so funny?” When I said that he didn’t answer my question instead he talked about something else. “What did you made on your quiz?” “I got a 90, how about you?” “You cheated didn’t you.” He said with a smile. “How did you know?” “Well, I saw writings on your hand.” I knew I should be more careful, but he is observant. It’s like his eyes can track you down, no matter what happens. “You’re observant, aren’t you?” “Well, you can say that.”  He said with a grin. The cafeteria was silent. “Wow time pass by so fast.” I said looking at the clock. “Aren’t you going to be late?” He just nodded his head. “Let’s go!” I said grabbing his hand. This feeling was weird, because his hand was so cold. I had this feeling to warm him up. I smothered his hand, trying to make it warm. “Why cant it be warm!” He smiled and grabbed my hand, being the leader he drag me to the class room. I slowly looked at his wonderful eyes. This feeling was weird. His eyes shined with happiness and hope, this was the first time seeing him so happy. It made me feel so happy! I loved this feeling. “I’m warning you, I’m not normal.” He said in a whisper. “Well I’m not normal either, so I don’t care.”  He laughed at my statement. “You’re right.” “Hey what’s that supposed to mean!” He looked at my face with a expression that I can’t explain. “Well, It means that you’re special than other people.” I knew their were two different meaning, but I knew he meant it in a nice kind of way. “Well I think your special than other people.” I said with a smile. We made it to class, so fast that we were here before than everyone else. “I guess we have some spare time.” He said with his smirk. All the people were looking at us, the girls were glaring at me, as If I did something wrong. “Just ignore them.” I did what he said. Someone appeared behind me and it was Mark. “Hey babe what to join me, and my crew?” “I would rather die.” He was about to slap my butt, but then Danny stopped him. “Don’t even think about it.” This was like the other part of him, that I never ever seen. His voice was low and dangerous. I could see it in Mark eyes. The cowardly human that can’t do anything, just fled. I looked at Danny. “Are you ok?” He quickly glances at Mark, with anger in his eyes. I missed the Danny with his blue happy eyes. “Danny Mark is gone now.” “Good.” That’s all he said. This creep me out, I mean I know how Mark can be stupid and annoying, but this was just too much. “You know I like it when you’re happy.” He tried to smile, but he couldn’t. I quickly grabbed his check and made him smile. This made him laugh, and I joined in. We both stopped when Mr. John walked in to class. Learning about what sex does to your body was boring. I twirled my hair and noticed Mark was looking at me, but than Danny glanced at him breaking the connection from me and Mark. I was thankful. I quickly stick out my tongue at Mark. This seems amusing to Danny. Watching him smile was the most beautiful thing I saw. “You seem happy, I like that.” I said in a smile. His eyes spark with happiness. Something strange happened; somehow I wanted to kiss him. We slowly went closer and closer and finally kissed. This kiss was emotional and sweet. I stopped and blush. He quickly looked away glancing at something else. “What, what’s wrong?” “I shouldn’t of kissed you.” He said with sorrow. “Why, you don’t like me?” His eyes popped out and glared at me. “No, I like you, that’s the problem.” When he said that my heart and mind was confused, I regret kissing him. “I guess you don’t like me.” I said not trying to cry. “No, Deb I love you.” “Then why are acting like this.” I said trying to not cry. “Are you about to cry?” When the bell rang I quickly went out of the class room, running to the restroom, trying to calm myself. Telling myself, stupid,stupid,stupid! I said Over and over again. They’re no way that we can be couples. He’s handsome and all that, and I’m well… normal! Till that day on I tried to run away from him, it hurt’s inside to do so, but that’s the best thing to do.           Home was a life savior; the thoughts about Danny just flew in my head. I couldn’t imagine how cowardly I looked to him. Running away and even not talking to him. He did the same thing. That’s what I deserve, or I thought. The kiss was nothing anymore. I liked the feeling, but does it mean anything? I have to stop thinking about him once and for all. School was hard to handle. Walking and looking behind me, was rather hard. I found no sign of Danny. "I'm sorry for bumping in front of you." I said in a rush. I looked up and it was him. Danny with his dazzling eyes. "Are you ok?" I just nodded my head. Walking straight foward, not looking back, but it hurt me, to not see him. I carefully walked toward him. "I'm sorry." I said finally looking at him with full atention. "You did nothing wrong." He said, with a new expression. "It's not that i don't like you, but  it's for your safety." I said nothing and walked away. "Wait!" I looked back and couldn't help, but to look at him. "What?" I said with a gulp. "I heared that theirs prom durring December and i was just wondering?" I always hated prom. "I'm sorry, i don't dance." 

I  looked at his scornful face. "Everyone can dance." He said with a smile. I wondered if his smile was real or fake. "I thought you didn't like me." He put his arm atound his chest. "Well I think it will be better if we were strangers, but i cant stop thinking about you." I                   (~Sorry guys, but I’m not finished, so yeah, I’ll write more later. ~)                         



lightheart58 lightheart58 16-17 4 Responses Dec 4, 2008

Your Response


You might want to consider rethinking your plot. Your story dangerously resembles Twilight, to the point where Stephanie could probably sue for copyright infringement. (Sarcasm. Nobody's going to sue anybody, but seriously, I feel like I'm reading a first, very rough draft for Twilight.)

My advice? I'm no expert, but use DYNAMIC characters. Throughout the Twilight books, Bella never changes. She never matures, she never realizes anything; she never gets past her vampire fangirl stage. Edward stays the same, perfect, statuesque model of a wonderful boyfriend who does everything perfectly. Jacob is always the hot (no pun intended) werewolf who likes Bella. None of them mature, grow, realize anything, etc.

If you can accomplish making your characters dynamic, then you'll basically have rewritten Twilight into something that might be worth reading.

Keep writing, I'm interested to see where you take this. ^.^

Cool story

most real vampires arent like that want to know true vampires go to my page


sounds veryy close to twilight((: butt other wise its good