I Honestly Believe Because..

most people don't know i believe in vampires.  out of the few that do maybe only a handful of them believe as well.  i had some experiences growing up, more than a few..but there was this house back home my friends and i would walk by at night to sneak a cigarette..and something was very offputting about these people..found a dead cat drainded of blood in the wash down the hill from their house..thought maybe they were devil worshippers or some stupid thing like that until they would start coming out of their house just at the same time we came within yards of their property..this was at night, and their house was just weird anyway, no real windows except at the top story, and the bedroom windows were in the back of the house but the house was strange in itself, maybe they had cameras? maybe they were drug dealers? but even still it was so dark at night there, small town, no street lights...unless they had infrared cameras..then came the night i tested my theory and drove about two streets away from the house, and stopped at a cul-de-sac where you could see the front of the house..and i took some binoculars..and i'll be damned, they came right out the front door and one on the balcony, and looked right back in my direction...this was weird because i was far enough away and pulled up to the cul-de-sac to where it would have looked like i was going to a home that was on that street. and i had to have binoculars to see THEM...so how could they be looking right at me?  one night i woke up with this need to go on a walk to the house.  it was overcast, the moon was full or almost full, and out there with no light pollution the moonlight at night was almost too bright even behind cloud cover..and wouldn't you know, NO ONE came out that night, almost as if they had willed me there, and for once, all the eerie lighting in the house was off.  it was dark in the house, but i felt like i was being watched.  there was a bad smell coming from the basement, why the hell did this house in arizona have a basement?  but there were windows at the ground level.  no light coming from the basement..i was right up on the house, i was brushing my fingertips against the stucco.  there was a child's swingset in the back, RANDOM, but i had never seen children..only one guy during the day, and then the others at night.  i left quickly. i actually don't remember getting home, but i did.  maybe it had been a dream?  but weird things happened sometimes, when i'd be walking by, things would start to rustle in the bushes, there would be sudden gusts of cool wind, which was especially different in the summer time.  When i left for college i think i drove past the house one last time.  i didn't think of it again really until i started having nightmares about it, and nightmares about vampires coming after me.  then i met someone about a year ago..and recently started my story, and this house has been haunting my thoughts again. so my book is based on things that really did happen mixed with fiction. unfortunately the love story part is mostly wishful thinking..but anyway-initially, i didn't know what to think of this person i met..but when i saw him it seemed like i knew him from somewhere, or he seemed familiar.  i noticed he was beautiful in a masculine way anyway, maybe the right word is handsome, but too handsome.  when i got enough courage to start trying to talk to him, it seemed like we would be friends at very least, though i wanted more,i thought he did too-but timing was way wrong..but i started dreaming about him all the time mid 2009..and now we don't talk anymore but somehow even back then i always knew when he was around before i even saw him, and i feel so off when he's around!  i feel hot and cold and i sweat, cold cold sweat like i have the flu- i feel sick but blissful..i used to take it as a bad crush, but the physical started getting bad, i feel drained alot, i can't focus, my sleep is all messed up, when i dream about him i wake up feeling like you do after donating alot of blood or plasma..i started feeling watched alot, started feeling like someone was invading my thoughts.  so...i tested it, started thinking those out loud in the head thoughts if you know what i mean, like "come on, walk by me"  or "you should really walk by at 4" or "walk by two more times"  and as if on queue he would do it.  at the times i thought, the amount of times..it's starting to wierd me out alot, but in a good way.  now recently he walked past my area but father off down the other isle, and he literally turned around and looked right at me...never says anything though.  bad coincidence?  i don't know..someone also presented to me this twin flame theory..and there are other things physically about him that seem odd..the color of his eyes, his skin-which i've seen mostly too pale, but sometimes it's more flushed looking, a couple times a month- his scent...i'm kinda like an animal that way..i notice everyone's smell..and i'm a portrait artist, i always look into people's eyes first, my favorite thing about people but his are black, but blue, or have a deep blue light somewhere in there, it's odd..but i'm a very rational person! i feel psycho even thinking or writing these things!  i don't like how long i have had these feelings, and i have tried everything i can to let it go...i try not to even look at him.  but something is off.  i'm also very good at reading people..to sound a little ridiculous but truthful-my art is almost a curse.  if i draw you, i KNOW you.  i know feelings and things i shouldn't. but i can't draw without a picture of a person or without them sitting for me..but for some reason..i drew a picture of him from memory and it looks just like him.  it's creepy, i don't know how i did it so well, because it's almost like things are blocked out when i look at him, but then i draw him perfectly.  Strange. and i always know if a person is a good person just by meeting them once.  it's like i pick up on energy or something.  i'm telling you, before i even had feelings for this guy, i felt something, but it's not bad, but it's unlike anything i have ever felt from another person ever in my life.  and it's almost like he doesn't want me to forget about him.  so about a month ago i finally sent him a text message again.  he didn't respond but four days later he walked by me and smiled and i think he said hi.  i heard him say it, i'm almost sure i did.  i kinda ran away.   and he's still walking by, when he doesn't have to walk 2 feet by me at any time..not a normal behavior of someone who definitely doesn't want to talk to you.  when i don't wanna talk to someone especially if i work with them, i don't look at them, and i certainly don't walk anywhere near them, especially if i work on the opposite side of the building.  it's not like he's on my team or something.  and i've had crushes, loves, etc...and NEVER felt the way i do physically as i do when he's near me.  i even knew he was going to be at work on a day he doesn't normally work, i was freaking out, told my friend, she didn't believe me, and then after lunch, she said "oh my god amy, he's here, you were right"  it kinda freaked her out, and me as well. sometimes i feel like i'm being stared at..my back is to the side of the room/building we are in, and i'll stand up to walk away from my desk, so i don't get caught turning to look over there, and i'll see him standing up over there..i'm sure i had his eyes in the back of my head and i still have the dreams that he's talking to me. i can't control any of my thoughts when he's around.  i almost went to counseling over this ****!  i don't stalk people, i'm not crazy or irrational, but the whole thing makes me feel crazy, i want to be normal!  i've had normal crushes dammit!  what is this thing?..but i still want him?  is it even my own free will?  or am i getting sucked into something like prey?  i would be much more relieved to learn that my imagination has gotten the better of me, and that i need medication or something..but things i have experienced in the past have changed me.  amd the few who believe in the same things as i do were people who were there to bear witness to some of those past experiences.  anyway, this is the story in a nutshell..a really small nutshell and probably full of late night typos.  i should be in bed, i have to get up in 5 hours to go to work..a day without him there thank god for saturdays!  ah screw it.  i'll go to bed soon.  on a good note, i get to participate in the filming of some zombie movie tomorrow!! i can't wait to have a nice normal day tomorrow.  i want to be a normal person who doesn't sound obsessive dammit.  please no one laugh at this.  thanks.

raven84972 raven84972
26-30, F
Feb 20, 2010