We Realized Sex Was Not Intimacy

Our marriage was perfect for the first ten years, then we stopped having sex. She had lost all interest in it and well I was raised that a marriage was for better or worse, so I figured that was it for me. I have always had a difficult time fitting in with people let alone with one person, but my wife was that one. Around her I was changed. She made me a good wholesome caring person and I loved her for it. Without her I could not imagine a world. There was no way I was going to go anywhere and with her I was going to stay. Friends told me I could not do it, that it was impossible and that I was selling myself short. We went to therapists and we tried everything imaginable. Sometimes she would try, but it was not enjoyable for either of us. I think I *********** every-way possible until that was no thrill. We were intimate in many ways. We would lay next to each other at night and talk about things that no one else could understand. We shared every secret and there was nothing we kept secret. I must have been at my wits end and my wife understood it, better then I because I had not complained to her once, but she was concerned. It started a conversation, that she figured was, that our marriage was going to fall apart because it was one of those "sex less" marriages. No matter how much I assured her, she was not believing it. There was nothing I could do, our marriage was doomed, not because of me, but because of her guilt. She came up with this idea, and it was not my idea and I honestly do not know where she got the idea. What about a surrogate wife she said one evening during one of our intimate talks? I thought she was talking about a child and said it would be a good idea if it were OK with her. She repeated herself, not to have children but for you to have sex. Never, would I ever think she would have said that. Thinking quickly, knowing it to be a trap, told her no way. There was no way I was going to have sex with another women other then her. The conversation ended. Many more times the question would come up and I asked her if she was really serious. She was.

My question was who, what or how do you arrange for that sort of thing. She came up with a premise. My wife would find the right women, it had to be a friend, someone she knew and trusted. Trusted was not the word that comes to mind here, to be honest. There were so many ways this could go wrong and I told her she was taking a big chance. Her answer was that she loved me and wanted me to be happy and happy meant our chances of staying together were better then not. I agreed to it, provided she was absolute convinced it would work and that she fully accepted the idea.

It was crazy, she would asked about what I thought of this person, how this person looked, and exactly what my type was. I would tell her, you are my type. I can not lie, and say the idea did not have merit and some excitement, but at the same time it creepted me out a little. Oh, the idea was bantered about for almost a year, and it showed no signs of going away. I think she enjoyed it way more then me. It was like she was shopping for shoes or something. I do say we did have fun and it did pick up our relationship.

Anyhow, one evening it was like a questionnaire or something. She was being really specific as to the type of women I found attractive. Of course they fell along the lines of exactly what I found attractive in her. A few weeks passed before she told me she found someone. What, she found someone? It was time to shut up and put an end to this, but she was persistant. She had gone on line, one of those dating sites and actually found someone who was interested in me knowing I was married and my whole situation. There was actually a site for that, where married people would have affairs. But, I was not having an affair!

We met this lady over dinner and drinks and it was too weird to continue. We kept trying, meeting lady's until we found one we both liked, or rather my wife thought was acceptable and I would not object to. We started "dating" which consisted of her coming over on Friday night or Saturday and watching a movie on Netflix with us. It was fun, her and my wife became friendly and my wife was happy with her. This women had been married, with her husband having been killed in a car accident. She had become fiercely independant and did not want to get married again. She saw the advertisement which stated "happily married couple looking for a third to spice things up". Mmmm spice things up, not my words by the wifes.

We had a series of great discussions over the matter. We would meet, have drinks and all three of us would go upstairs. The rule was, that she could not see anyone other then us and that my wife always had to be there during intimacy. Otherwise everything was a go. The first night we all three slipped into the king size bed in our pajamas and watched TV. My wife was excited more then me and began to taunt me, saying things like "well what are you going to do to which I would say "what would you like for me to do". It started with us taking our cloths off and well the two of started. I had never had sex with a third watching and my wife at that - the creep factor was overwhelming. Anyhow that first night was disastrous, we all thought it a mistake. We were committed to it and eventually it began to work out. To my surprise the wife began to enjoy it and yes, she began to get aroused at the thought of the three of us. Our third moved in with us, with a lame excuse that she was having financial hardships with her house in foreclosure and she was my wife's friend and how could we not do something to help her out. Now all three of us enjoy intimacy of a sexual nature. My wife joins in with her, and me and I end up working my butt off trying to make two women happy in the bed. I think itmacy has many forms and although sex is one of them it is absolutely not the only form of intimacy. I love my wife dearly and I we both love our friend. She has saved our marriage. I can not imagine any one of the three of us not being together in that house. It seems so natural now.

mongojustapawn mongojustapawn
46-50, M
May 22, 2012