Letting Go Of The Past

It's not an easy task getting rid of your past as you sift through boxes of memorabilia, draws full of your kids toys, cupboards full of clothes/teddies, looking through photographs of better times.

One thing you must do is be ruthless and unemotional. That's where I let myself down. I can't let go of all this stuff. I can go so far by binning clothes that no longer fit or items you know have no sentimental value to anyone but getting into it too deep and the memories come back and you feel compelled to keep certain items that in real terms are of no use to you in your own future.

I've had nearly 5 years now and my girls are of no help (they left to go to University and despite being asked just left everything), my ex wife is long gone and remarried, they have all fled what was once the marital home and left me with everything to clear out if I'm ever likely to be able to move on and enjoy some kind of future. I kept the marital home initially for my daughters sake but they eventually moved on due to their studies/ University etc. I didn't think it would hit me this hard, it's so lonely in what I refer to as "The big house" with nobody but my cat here. I initially thought it would be great to have the house all to myself but I actually hate it, I can do as I like, I'm surrounded by space and loads of rooms I never go in, but it's a constant reminder of the past.

I need to move on, and to do this I must get rid of the past both in material things and in my head, that's the hard part, I feel guilty if I do this. I'm having therapy for this as well as things regarding my past, my therapist has recognised my parents being to blame for some of my problems but one way or the other I need to get rid of pretty much everything and it's really really hard.

I'm going through all this on a daily basis and trying to get rid of things gradually as I don't want to have any regrets having not thought about my actions thoroughly. It helps me to actually type this right now if for no reason than to refer to it at a later date............

Thanks for reading my story :-)

An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 20, 2013

dear e.p. user

you sound very lonely, there are alot of lonely people out there, including me. the only difference between you and me, is that i am still married, to someone who has asburgers, if you dont know what it is, look it up, it will give you something to pass your time.I live in england, we have had heavy snow, been trapped in for 3 days, and my husband hasn't spoken to me once, the only interaction from him was to swear and curse at me, the worse words possible, been married 34 years, i am very lonely too. so when we are in our darkest moments, you think of me, and ile think of you. If you want to reply, please feel free to do so.