Two of my favorite quotes that have great meaning in my life....

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  • Although when you are in the midst of an argument or a disagreement with a loved one, you may feel like yelling or screaming,  it is best to refrain from both.   I  learned the hard way that when you scream or yell,  the person on the receiving end will most likely reject what we are bellowing.   Screaming and yelling often causes the listener to put up a defensive wall and in all probability they block out half of what you are saying. 
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  • Sometimes when my children upset me, or if I was upset with a friend, or in an a heated conversation with my spouse,  I always managed and I am so thankful that I have been able to keep the following two quotes close in my thoughts.
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  • The first one is "If you have nothing nice to say,  say nothing at all."  And the second one is "It's nice to be important  but, it's more important to be nice."
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  • There are two things that I can say for sure.  The first is that, yelling and screaming will most likely give us a sore throat and frustration before satisfaction.   And the second one is, once you say something nasty and hurtful to a person, you cannot take it back and many time no amount of apologizing will take  away the sting from the words said aloud.   
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    sherry123456789 sherry123456789
    46-50, F
    17 Responses Mar 6, 2010

    Great words to live by. Sometimes, though, when you hardly have anything to get by you can't help but vent youranger on things or worse, on people you care about.

    I heard "if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all" from the movie Bambi (the bunny, Thumper's mom said it) I apparently do a good impression. But yeah, I use that line all the time, if only other people heard it :)<br />
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    My Mom and Grandma say the same. "person practicing sportsmanship it is far better than 50 preaching it" I read that somewhere and really liked it :)

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom!<br />
    I believe both of your chosen quotes, whole heartly!<br />
    Also I try to remember that anger is a secondary emotion to some kind of hurt or pain.(like rejection)<br />
    And if I can stay cool long enough to do this, it helps me communicate more constructively.

    You have so elegantly, succinctly and simply stated what should have been clear to me and all of us. Thank you so much for reminding us what should have been amply clear to me. Whereas, I almost always am polite with freinds and family, but ended up flaring up with my husband and kids. After reading your blog, I feel I was a fool and will never repeat my stupidity.<br />
    many thanks for showing me the light!

    sherry123456789, It is so nice to get the chance to talk to you again. It has been a while. I hope things are going well for you.

    If we can argue about things without saying hurtfull things back and forth, making up can be soooo much fun.

    in the first year with my wife we used to argue all the time (it didn`t matter what the argument was all about ) it just seemed that she was always yelling at me , so i ask her what her problem was (with a big smile ) she finally broke down and told me she had autisum (she would hear sound as if she were under water ) Solution : I took her to an ear doctor a paid for a hearing aid . we don`t have to yell to be listened to any more and she wont get angry either , this taught me that by just sitting down and calmly talking things over I could have avoided an entire year of yelling .

    "If you have notthing nice to say" - i do not fully agree with this quote because it doesn't suit certain situations but i find the second quote "It's nice to be important but, it's more important to be nice." to be great advice. <br />
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    One of the problem when people yell is many times they think they are speaking their mind ...just in greater volume, but it seems like more often than not, they are actually diverted and/or distracting from there original point. Somewhere hiding amongst the angry words there may be a valid point but it gets covered up in extra garbage that only confuses everyone and continues distorting the meaning of the original issue.

    I have said hurtful things to people who I love because I was mad and responding to their hurtful things. Sometimes I was the instigator of the argument. It doesn't matter whose fault, the damage is done to everyone. So many times I have wished I had kept my damn mouth shut. Even if apologies are accepted, there will be a new scar on our souls.

    In the Heat of Passion, we are unable to find solutions, rationally. Usually, the argument has nothing to do with the motivation.<br />
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    With every argument, comes an emptiness which cannot be filled. It causes the Heart to start counting and keeping score. When the "Emotional Clock" starts ticking, the "Finish Line" has just been introduced into the down hill race, which can never be won!<br />
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    It's what I call the Race TO Frustration. It's not a race of competition, but more like a race to punishment. There's no prize, no Blue Ribbons, not even a plaque of success. <br />
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    A relationship with arguments will not last. Take my word for it.

    You are very intuitive. It took me a lifetime to realize that yelling matches amount to nothing except high blood pressure ... I have learned, through sad experiences, not to allow the anger absorb me .. but rather to back off and use my feet and walk away from the crisis til cooler heads prevail.<br />
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    Everyone has buttons that those dear to us push at times ... <br />
    I am not into drama ... want to communicate clearly and honestly.<br />
    And also, having a sense of spirituality does energize me to a deeper understanding.<br />
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    Love to read your positives here .. so refreshing!

    I loved what you said about yelling and screaming in an arugment, that does NOT work. It's best as you say be nice, also and mean what you say, and be firm about it.. I had to learn this the hard way, I was always TOOOOO nice, I was taken advantage of big time...

    Wow rescue 3. I love your comment. Thank you.

    Maskerade: That is where tactful use of words comes into play. You can always be nice and still be firm, you don't have to choose. I tell you how resourceful an cunning you are and how it must have been a great deal of effort put in by you to make such a flying machine. Saying something like: "However do to this and that you may want to rethink your design do to this discrepency and that. I like you and want to see you around for a whle because you're obviously a thinker and so smart to have done all of this. I think maybe you just a couple people to bounce some of your ideas off of. I'm here to support you if you need a friend. Just please make some ajustments to your flying machine so no one gets hurt. It needs some work but I know your the person for the job and you can do it!" <br />
    That's better than saying: "You have a piece of crap and that's a dumb idea!" They most likely wpn't even hear what you say becasue it was so rude."<br />
    That's kind of one of her points. BEING RUDE even if honest and even if with good intentions often falls on deaf ears.<br />
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    I'm telling you as a past councilor that being nice DOES work in real life more often than not. You took a great example of Hitler to show your point and are very wise to use history as your guide. You just may want to keep it in context compared to the rest of life. Hitler was a somewhat crazzy man and regardless of people being nice or harsh toward him got the SAME treatment. Being firm with him more often meant death. So even in your example France may have spared it's sons and daughters in many ways by being nice.<br />
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    Life shows that you can be nice and still firm however if it's called for. You don't have to be short tempered, mean, unfriendly, etc, etc to get things done. I have proven inmy own life that I can outwit most people by being nice than they can me by being straight forward all the time. I can usualy turn such people into looking like villans to get my way if I want. I try not to however becasue this would be manipulation. I will however if need be in the case of a person who is manipulative themself with their so call "just being up front and honest" policy.<br />
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    You don't need to seperate nice and firm. You can do both. look at GANDHI. He changed an entire nation by being nice and firm.

    Heres a philosphy that I feel people should remember when they are in a situation wher an argument is about to erupt. Once you start yelling, not only you get shut out, you have already lost the fight

    Being nice is nice when it works. Being nice also led to France getting it's butt handed to it in Germany, what with all the appeasement and such, so I'd say it's more important to be firm, not nice.<br />
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    As for the second one, the tactic may work in selling, i.e. talk good about a competitor to make the prospective customer feel good about his decision, and then point out your good points too, such a saying has little use anywhere else. For instance, if no one pointed out that my flying machine was a piece of rubbish before I ran and jumped off a cliff, I'd rather be called out as dumb and alive than people being nice and me being dead.<br />
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    Not to be a downer or anything. =D altruism rocks!

    Those words are exactly what many today have forgotten. To me, being nice is a very important aspect of life.