Losing Hope

I've been in a long distance relationship with a wonderful man in another country (roughly 2600 km away). He is sweet, he makes me feel special, we share so many interests, and we love each other to bits. In our first year, things became rough as he experienced being robbed and deported, leaving me with no contact of him for almost 5 months. He broke it off with me, saying that it was better for the both of us until things settled down for him.

Come 2011, he resurfaces again and we reconcile and I thought that was it! We survived all the bad that life threw at us and we are finally back into looking to a future together. But then he gave me a reality check recently.

I have always assumed we were boyfriends again but he confirmed to me that I wasn't. He told me that he still loved me to bits and I do too but he saw us being together as bordering towards impossible. He currently has a very lucrative career in the country he is in but he will be flying back to the US for his Masteral and Doctoral which may leave us without contact for years.

It... It just hurts so much and yet, I still cling on and desire to fight for our love. It pains me that it's sounding like he has already given up.

I'm currently battling depression and trying to pick up the pieces. I just wanted to share my story because being a closeted gay man, finding a person to hear me out is so hard. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I welcome all comments and advise.
18-21, M
2 Responses May 14, 2012

Thanks for the advise but sadly, he broke it off a month ago. In a way it felt good but yeah... I believe we deserved a better ending than that. I'm trying to move on and I'm glad to say that I'm almost there. Thanks again for the uplifting words~!

I know this is a little late, but I hope things are going better. When he told you that he loved you did he mean "love you" or "in love with you"? was your relationship as a whole hidden? If he saw the relationship as "bordering towards impossible" because he isn't proud of dating you, or accepting his sexuality, then maybe he doesn't love you as much as it seems.. Love is a painful thing, a double edged sword. I hope you hang in there and overcome your depression because I find you a very loving and willful man who truly deserves love.