Finding Love While Folding the Laundry

Do you and your partner do things together a lot? My wife and I seem to be coordinating things together all through the day. We help each other with meals, cleaning up after eating, cleaning the house, doing the laundry. Its a lot of collaborative activity so we talk throughout the day. 

We don't discuss big things very often, the really knotty relationship stuff (cause that's too stressful) but we talk about the kids education, her mother, my parents, world events, movies, travel plans, next meals, taxes, etc. And with all that shared activity and talking there's a closeness, deep friendship and a feeling of teamwork.  

It's very Zen, in my opinion. Sweep the hall, wash the dishes, eat the meal. In these small collaborative efforts we come together throughout the day and feel like a team. Same with the kids, just doing things with them, helping them with their homework, going places with them.  

My wife and I haven't kissed or made love passionately in years. Every 6 months or so I say something about this but otherwise I just don't focus on that. I made myself miserable when I did. Is sexual intimacy and romance a need? Buddha, Jesus, Gandhi, they all said no, it isn't.  

Is spirituality a need? I think so, but don't think you need to talk about it to experience it. Just being with people, with your heart open, without judgement, without making reference in your mind to grievances, regrets, ego needs... that's love.  

At least how I'm experiencing it. It's not big and passionate, no angels singing, no fireworks of love making (anymore). Its more like the love of father and mother in "Fiddler on the Roof." Its the love of loyalty, commitment, partnership, friendship...  

Family.

I wonder these days so many people searching for passion, for soul mates, the perfect partner. Seems like a fantasy to me.  

My wife and I are really a team. Coordinating for our children has been the biggest challenge. We look around us and see lots of friends whose kids have gone off course. One really has to be mindful, totally focused with your children, every day, to help them grow up happy and successful. So far our boys are both doing great, but its taken real attention to help them from being pulled by all the distractions out there. Video games, TV, computers, ****, beer, drugs- the distractions are endless.  

Life is a journey. You will never get everything you want, but if you are lucky, have good friends, a supportive family and a good partner, we can make our lives something beautiful. Collaborative works of art. This often requires sacrifice, and a willingness to let go of things society (or our minds) may tell us we need, but actually we don't.  

Most of all it requires daily doses of love. Finding love in the moment, the everyday, the little things. Paying very close attention to what is happening all around us. Cherishing what we have, being grateful for our lives, instead of dreaming of being elsewhere or with someone else.

Love is a verb, something we have to give away freely without conditions, to experience in our lives. Dreams of perfection can get in the way of love.  

Don't let them.  

1 Corinthians 13  

1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.   4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.   8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.   12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.  

MakingPeace MakingPeace
46-50, M
Mar 28, 2009