What I Have Learned Through Relationships

Hind sight is always 20-20 for most people. 

You can't look back but you can learn to work with a person instead of against them; and if you learn this in time to save a relationship, you have won the day and your relationship will last till the end of your days.  It's too bad we have to reach the end of all things instead of turning it around through the power of true love.

Second lesson learned-timing is almost everything.  Intuition-or more exactly, heeding  intuition, can be a life-saver.  How many times have people said "if I would have only listened to that little voice that was telling me it wasn't working and I need to change my attitude".  How many good relationships would still be thriving today if people would have listened to and acted on their inner voice?

Now having said all that, there are a lot of voices out there-and the most dangerous ones are the negative ones.  These negative, nagging voices never have the best interests of the relationship in mind but are designed to selfishly destroy and not to build.  Granted, some aspects of a relationship must be destroyed before we can build properly from the ground up on a solid foundation  but listening to these false, negative voices for a prolonged period of time will only result in the making of wrong, selfish decisions in a relationship.  Examples of such voices are comments like "Why don't you just leave him/her?". "This thing will never work out so you might as well just give up".  "You will never see eye to eye so quit and take your losses".  "You cant agree on anything". "You're on your own; you always have been and always will be". "You can do better than this, look at so and so, he/she is perfect for you, you could have a perfect mate in this person but you are settling for this!?", etc and so on.  Such voices will always come at points of weakness and must be guarded against with a passion until you get out of the storm.  Every relationship will be tested with these things and much more but only the relationship based and founded by true love will ever survive.

Love is the key to happiness. Without love, some things (like sex)  are still possible but not truly profitable for both and will never last.  Sex (even good sex) can never be the mainstay and focus of a relationship; good sex is the result of unwavering trust and the intimacy that, in turn, results from a proactive pursuit of mutual happiness and fulfillment.  Without complete trust you can never truly share anything deeply with a life partner and therefore never truly have a deep, mutually enriching relationship.

Another thing I have learned- Don't get into a relationship with someone who has heavy baggage unless you are willing to help carry the load for the long haul and are willing to PRO-actively work through that baggage to the benefit of both partners.  Never "go around" the baggage; it will only end up on another wrong plane to another undeserving person's destination.

There are many, many people out there with baggage they shouldn't be bringing into a relationship.  They are those who are desperate for a fix-an instant fix.  They are the completely self-centered and foolhardy-willing to try almost anything to "fix" themselves and they honestly believe the answer is to find someone who "has it all together" who will fix them.  For women it is a "daddy" and for men, a "mommy" to kiss it all better.

Love is patient, kind, humble and respectful. Love is long-suffering and gentle. Love always helps; always hopes; always trusts; always perseveres but above all, love never fails.

I now firmly believe that many people are suffering in relationships because they never really knew love when they met their mate.  Ya they were overwhelmingly attracted to the person and hey the "sex was fantastic".  These people are emotionally attached with passion and fire but the passion fades and the fire eventually goes out.  What then?  What is left to keep their relationship alive? Can the "love" that was supposed to be there in the beginning now keep alive what is now dying?  I think not.

What then is love?  Love is simply knowing you are with the right person to begin with but it never comes through senses like sight or sound.  Love cannot and does not ever happen by chance I.E. it won't happen in a bar unless you are both stone sober and not just on the make to simply fill a void.  This, as the song so aptly states, is "lookin for love in all the wrong places..."

Granted love can come and often will come to us when we are not looking for it.  As matter of fact, I believe this is the best time for anyone to truly receive love-a time when we are completely empty of selfish ambition and self-fulfillment.

The best time but not the only time.  If we honestly; sincerely search for love it will find us but often when we least expect it.  Love has a life all of it's own. It can never be manufactured and can never be maintained.  It is either there from the beginning or it's not and if you don't have love in a relationship, you better either find it quick or get out quick before the damage multiplies and becomes non-repairable.  

Finally, I have learned one very important thing when confronted with the challenges that occur within a truly love based relationship:  if you stand-to and weather the storm (even a seemingly perfect storm with no way out) there will never be anything that can come between you and the "one" who was always meant to be there beside you and never behind or in front of you.   When the next plane leaves in an hour...you will never be on it because you are where you are at for the long haul and you are there joyfully  because you are constrained and supported and substained by and of love.

PiratedePassion PiratedePassion
41-45, M
5 Responses Mar 13, 2009

I can't agree more! The essence of true love,not many people know about it.

Your welcome

Thank you for this - it is absolutely true!

You're very welcome. Glad it served you as it has served me.

I loved this truly powerful story. I couldn't agree with you more. Thank you for sharing :)