Male Guardians

I was raised in the age of women's lib, and believed much of it at the time, but the more I learn about women, including my experience as a husband and father of a teenage daughter, the more I believe that all women and girls need a male guardian.

Women, and our world in general, benefit when their important decisions are subject to the approval of a male guardian. To begin with a woman should not marry without the approval of her father, or in his absence the appropriate male guardian.

Once married a woman's husband is her guardian, but unmarried women should also be under the authority of a male guardian. Initially this should be her father, but a father should provide for another man to take over that responsibility in the event of his death.

Women should be required to have their guardian's approval to -
     Borrow money
     Sign contracts
     Become employed    
     Purchase land or other valuables

Guardians should also establish rules for the good of the woman and punish her for misbehavior.

I understand that in modern western civilization these regulations are not going to be reestablished soon, but we can set the example by establishing them in our families and churches.

I look forward to reading your comments.

epaster epaster
56-60, M
26 Responses Sep 23, 2012

I don't disagree with you. And I would love for the Church to be more involved in a movement like this.

Are you Muslim? This sounds very much in line with their beliefs.

After seeing what I have seen in life, and reading about much of the history of civilization, I think it would be a good idea to let women be in charge. It would be a wonderful experiment having the tables turned.
I would bet that compassion would be the rule, and not the exception. War could very well vanish, and good riddance to it. We could very well advance as a species in a couple of centuries what has taken the human race tens of thousands of years.

You take for granted all men are responsible and sensible and all women are irresponsible and forever immature. You dream of being omnipotent.

Apparently someone from the 19th century has made a connection with the 21st century internet. Hilarious advice, but scary in so many ways. Knuckle-draggers and mouth breathers seem to be alive and well.

Hogwash stupidity....nothing but.

You merely like to control. I have found that those who look to control others, do so as a way of lifting themselves up.

And hiding their weaknesses !

Exactly!!

Women don't need to be controlled and managed .
Strong men don't feel any need to control .

I no longer have a bank account. I had my own, then a joint one with my husband, and now it is only his name. He provides me with cash for my allowance each week to buy groceries, etc. and I am only given what he budgets for and allows me.

Do you think that is the best financial arrangement for you? Would you encourage other couples to do the same? We have a joint checking account, but I'm in charge of all of our finances. My wife needs permission to purchase anything besides household necessities.

Yes Sir. I didn't like it at first, as I was used to the freedom of spending money as needed/wanted, but it keeps me in check and keeps us on budget. It's very humbling to ask for money for lunch with a friend, or for gas, or to buy a gift, etc. It's worse to have to explain where the grocery money went if I'm out of funds and didn't get everything at the store. But it works for us, and works well.

You do realize this is a form of abuse don't you?
If I did this, our home would have gone into foreclosure and we would have starved while he bought himself tools and other garbage.

Well, I guess the first thing to say is that my husband is responsible and takes his role as the leader/HoH seriously, so I don't have to worry about him wasting our money like that.
We had more financial problems when I worked and had access to the bank account. It was primarily my fault, as I would spend more than I should have at times, and we had more expenses when I prioritized a paycheck over caring for my family and home. There was also a lack of communication, which stemmed from both of us having careers and little time for each other after trying to keep up with everything in life.
I find that when we are in our natural, God-designed roles, things are much simpler. I focus on the home and chores here, he works, I prepare food, we both are able to spend time with our children and be at their events, have family time, and also have time for one another. We are more peaceful individually and collectively in the family, we were able to properly set our priorities, and we have more true wealth than any paycheck could bring.
You say this is abuse. I disagree. It is liberating. I am encouraged to make money, as our schedules allow. I can work part-time, sell crafts, etc, whatever I want, and that money is mine for whatever I choose. I'm not beaten down, filled with fear or hate, or praying for release. I am happy. I am loved. And I am not burdened with worrying about money. This works for us. It may not work for another couple, as I doubt it would you. But I don't say that your way is wrong. I was raised to be polite and courteous, as were many others in this world. I have moments when I forget my upbringing, as do many others. I would hope that this was such a moment for you, but I've seen your vitriolic posts elsewhere. I'm sad for you, because you seem to have a loathing of your partner that goes beyond a lack of respect, and you seem to be very miserable. This time, you have not and will not succeed in making me angry or miserable to join you.

Hi Mary, After reading both yours and Jane's responses, I find that I sympathize with both points of view...to a degree.
I say "degree" because I do believe in "God-designed" gender roles. But I also believe that these gender roles do not conclusively eliminate the possibility and even NECESSITY of both genders helping the other out as times and needs may arise. For example, isn't it simply wisdom for both spouses to have complete and equal access to anything that relates to the maintenance of a marriage, home and family? ie...checkbook, vehicles, knowledge regarding financial status, etc? An effective marriage must have two spouses that are able to fill in where the other lacks or needs help, and without the "tools" to do so, the union suffers or has a much greater potential to suffer.
This brings me to what I THINK bothered Jane....You said that you initially had your own checking account, then you had a joint one with your husband, but now, you have NO access to that checking account, that you must ASK for spending money, etc. You said that it really bothered you. This fact that you have no access to funds that legally and lawfully are YOURS, that your spouse CONTROLS at his own discretion, is what I personally find alarming. Did you agree to this up front or was that decision taken from you?
I completely "get" the liking the hubby to do certain things...the yard, work outside the home, fix things, etc. But women were also born with intelligence, decision making abilities, wisdom. To subduct those God given traits just isn't right....

2 More Responses

Let's be honest it takes all kinds. You do what is right for you. I am a very independent female in a exec position and take all the decisions in my life that I need to take. However when I leave the office I want to let go of the decision making and being the boss and let someone else take over - that doesn't make me a weak person it's just what I enjoy. Quite nice someone else doing all the running for a change and being given instructions that you just need to follow. Looking after you etc.

It doesn't mean I can't do it and I have done and will in the future if my circumstances change but for now I am happy fort partner to take control - it was a joint decision.

I always check with my dad on making major decisions, not because I have to but I feel he has earned that respect and always uses sound judgement. I love both of my parents equally of course but my dad is the leader of the family..

My own father was such a messed up ******* that much though the idea is amusing, I have to disagree. In fact my self-chosen way of living is what's 'cured' me of the after-effects

It is so refreshing to hear a man who has these views. It stretches a bit far for me in some places, but for the most part I agree with what you are saying. I wish I had a man who would make me feel taken care of and guided like this..

Either the Ayatollah Khomeini is still alive and kicking or is being channelled by epaster here. What a load of horse apples!

You are ******* joking right ? This is just pushing buttons ?

Behind every great man , there is a great woman !
Father's permission to marry ... only if Mum has said she approves first !
LOL

My dad always used to say: "go ask your mum". :p

(Wich often created the awkward situation when my mum also said to go ask my dad), haha.

LOL ... that's what happens when they are tired !
I have done that , and so has H . If they won't listen to one , maybe they'll listen to the other ?

Yeah . women should let men believe that they are in charge ! LOL
No one is in charge ... we work together .... or it's war !

Indeed, wich also is a good argument against a male guardian. Too much pressure on a man, they're not gods, even though they think they are themselves.

Some men are quite good at it. My dad was not even remotely competent although he liked chucking his weight around - but my husband knows exactly what to do and will always do the right thing even if it's inconvenient for him

Explain Dam ?

My dad was horrible and destructive my husband is sublimely wonderful

Surely the answer isn't to have ALL men by birthright alone be deemed guardians. It seems there should be a bit more involved in the qualifications of these "guardians".

I am just as much a guardian as my H .
He may have more strength , but we are equal .
Do not get between a mother and her child , do not get between me and my H .

No man should be deemed guardian , unless those he guards appoint him !
Which I would never do ..
I am just as much a guardian of my family as my H .

Yep there is no reason for compos mentis adults to need guardians

9 More Responses

I disagree, the only good reason i see in a guardian is her protection (the strong, loving father who scarrs the sexcrazed teenage boyfriends away), but even that is a bit ironic.
A man needs to protect women from... other men. My solution: learn to protect yourself. Nobody does a better job taking care of you than yourself.

What if the man has a spiteful, avaricious character, and doesn't have the well-being of his dependants at heart?

Oh damsel surely you jest. We are afterall talking about men. I can't think of a single solitary man who has ever been fallible. Afterall, they are by birth "naturally" superior to women in every possible way.

... Except for dull housekeeping chores, that's why women should do them.

I had a father , he could not protect me from the mistakes I made .
I made all my own choices , and did not listen to my parents advice .
My mother gave me the best advice , but I chose to ignore it .
Women don't need guardians ! We are quite capable of taking care of ourselves .

Yeah - you caught me out. I'm only kidding. (snort) Can you imagine how ridiculous it would be if women woz in charge? "Susan's having a quick shave because she's got an audience with Her Holiness the Pope." Men in stockings and lace panties? Women doing jobs climbing up ladders? Nah, I just can't see it. Oooh it's really scary just thinking about it.

? Yes that is ridiculous !

But seriously , we had a female running the country , and what's the problem with ladders ? I use to drive a forklift , I've even driven an APC ( armoured personnel carrier ) ?

And you're a woman? I'm so shocked I think I'm going to have to lie down! Where the **** are the smelling salts? You'll be wearing flat shoes and pants next!

Lol .. And I even have my own set of screwdrivers ! How about that ? Lolol

Phew - for a minute I believed you. But claiming you own screwdrivers... Now I know you're just making that up

Lmao ... Hahaha .

Yes , just kidding , women wouldn't have a clue how to use tools .
They sometimes marry them though ... LOL

6 More Responses

I totally agree with you, Sir. And as certain responders want to say the opposite, it has worked VERY well like that for a very long time. In today's society we see much of the effects of so many women in charge, too. It is destroying it. There is more violence, more crime, more problems EVERYWHERE.

Yes, it's true that there aren't huge numbers of men that know how to behave accordingly and be responsible, just as there are not a lot of women who know how to live in such a way that a man would even want to protect and be responsible for her. Boys and girls need to be trained to follow these roles. We have taught our children to be this way. All my sons are wonderful gentlemen that have been prepared to lead a family properly, to treat their (future) wives correctly and to properly train their children. And you know what? We have dads and moms that approach us all the time wanting to know if our sons are available for their daughters. They are extremely successful at work and are leaders there because of their training. I tell you this to show it is possible to bring sons up correctly. Our daughters have been brought up to aspire to the highest calling a woman can have - to be wives and mothers. They are contented and happy. They do not feel as though they have to compete to be successful. They look forward to rearing children and being guided by their dad until they marry and then their husband will take that over from him.

We know many people who live this way and oddly enough, none of the women I have met or know feel suppressed. In fact, they always look relaxed and happy. Not stressed and harried like so many women who think the lives men lead are so much more fulfilling. They are not subservient, infantile creatures, as many would have people to believe. Instead, they are happy, productive, energetic women full of joy. Many have come from the feminist idea of life and are so thrilled to have been freed from its bonds so they may live as feminine women, no longer women that feel that they must do a man's job as well as their own.

Just as a side note, one of the things I find so ironic is that a feminist who outright refuses to be submissive to her husband because (in their words) he has no right to tell them what tp do, will gladly place herself in a submissive position to her boss at work (which may very well be male). But I guess because they get paid to do it, that somehow makes it different?

Sorry to be long-winded, I had a lot to comment. :-)

MrsDMV I honestly am not quite sure why you are equating husbands with bosses. In my world they are two very different things.

I think it is very hypocritical. You are willing to "submit" to a man and do as your told without question, if you're PAID to. However, you are unwilling if he's your husband. You contradict yourself. If a MAN is unworthy of authority as you all seem to believe, then I suppose you should have a problem working for a MAN, but you don't. As long as you get money for it.

I find it humorous.

Most people I know live by this model and has worked since the beginning of time.

I totally agree. We women are helpless little creatures who shouldn't be given responsibility of any kind. Men are the complete opposite. They ought to run everything

LOL

exactly

Lol... again

I agree only to a point. Not all men are up to the challenge in today's society. While I am most delighted to have my marriage go this way. There are others who I wouldn't trust to be in charge of house pets let alone humans.

Like the loss of good manners in our society there has been a loss of educating in responsibility of what it means to be a good father, a loving and caring man. Not that this is limited only to men, I see the same loss of skills in many women.

In my country there's this program that helps low income families to establish their own business. It is well known that women tend to be much more successful that men at guiding said businesses. Their focus is on the progress of their children and when they have opportunities (such as financial education and such) they are incredible as small entrepreneurs.
Modern women don't need guidance. We need support.

Male guardian?
Me to my male guardian: " Take this and shove it where the sun doesn't shine".
I would rather die than have a male "guardian".

Oh gumshoe! You let ths sort of thing get you every time. I bet epaster wrote this especially for you

I always check with my dad before I do anything "major." I love both of my parents but my dad is the leader.

I don't fully agree with you but I understand where you are coming from. I think that having a male guardian in place in situations like borrowing money etc would not be advantageous. There are times in women's lives that require a woman to provide for her family e.g death, impairment of her husband, divorce etc and we should support her in that not laying further red tape ahead. She should be able to find employment, borrow money, buy things herself and if she has children she should be able to do all things to make sure that she and her children are taken care of and that their individual needs are met as a family and having a male guardian to swan in who does not understand and only sees things from his perspective can hinder a family unit and build an insurmountable resentment in the woman and or children he may guard. There is a high chance of exploitation of minors and a huge potential of a male guardian of misusing another man's wealth. I get where you are coming from, I really do but where there is money and the power over it morals can get so easily compromised and God goes by the wayside and sinful desires sink in and what should be a safeguard can get corrupted and used for evil not good.

I love having my bf to help me make decisions and to provide rules that make my life better. Not all men are capable of making the right choices though. There are not enough great guys in the world...

I agree. Today there are not enough capable men who are well equipped to be leaders in their own families.

I seek His advice and approval not because He is male but because I value His opinion and experience.

I agree. We need to return to this model. It works.

Haha. I needed a laugh today, thanks.