Why No One Will Know . . .

Im afraid of revealing what i truly think and feel.  Politically correct and all that garbage, as much as I hate it, I do abide by those thoughts.  I dont want to be as much of an outcast as I already am.

My brother is the varsity quarterback and pitcher, he has a girlfriend that he has been with for nearly two years and before that he had dozens of others.  He is social and has dozens of constant friends and all his teachers love him.  He is 6 feet tall and muscular from head to toe.

I on the other hand do not play sports other then PE.  I have never had a girlfriend.  I tend to shy away from crowds and though I am naturally smart and could easily get straight A's I dont which angers both my teachers and my family.  I am 5 1/2 feet tall, slightly overweight.

The only occasion I have spoken my mind was when my English teacher began a discussion on how we feel about the treatment of prison inmates and overall thoughts on prison.  After several students said that they felt sorry for inmates and there treatment and how 'a lot of them shouldnt be in there' I couldn't take it.  These kids may have seen shows and stupid news reports on Tv but none of them have a father that is a prison guard like I do.  I said everything that felt and I didn't care how the teacher or the stupid blonde ***** who sat in front of me or anyone else thought.  They desrve to be in there, they obviously did something to get there and chances are it took several jail sentences to get them there.  In prison you get three square meals a day, a shower and a dry place to sleep.  It's better to be in prison then poor out on the streets is the truth of it.  The only thing they have to worry about is becoming another mans *****.

Other then a few close friends I dont speak with anyone and other then one girl friend I've never really shown any real trust with anyone and even with her I'm reserved and keep any thoughts that might cause distress of any sort to myself.  I hate feeling secluded but I have to admit that part of it is my fault. 

"Solitude is my friend but sometimes he isn't the best of company and things get lonely."  -- My Grandpa told me this before he died.

And it's not that I couldn't get more friends, or at least couldn't try.  Everyone who knows my brother also knows me but only as "Harper's little brother".  But I dont blame my brother, he does try to help.

I'm afraid and that's why I fear no one will ever know who I really am.  I'm to afraid to speak my mind and to afraid to tell people how I feel.

SynKade SynKade
18-21, M
1 Response Jun 6, 2007

Don't be afraid of revealing your feelings & thoughts if really want other people to know who's the real you.Most of the time by expressing what u think and what u feel helps other people to understand you and doing such thing will improve your personality as well.Be who you are and be proud of urself.Take care!!!