No Two People: This is about judging

 I wrote this poem as I summarized my life for my book.  To say the least,  writing it out was nerve wrecking and it often tainted my thoughts with kayos




We all encounter problems as we go,

When and why there's no way to know.

We all reflect on the pain we've faced,

And wish somehow it could be erased.

We'll greet humiliation and awful shame,

But no two people will adjust to it the same. 


What makes me laugh may push you to cry,

What I  look at as  true, you may deem a lie.

You may fall, get up, be able to walk again,

Yet I may sob, be unable to move, in pain.

What I say is good, you may consider bad,

What I find humorous, may make you sad.

What prompts me to be angry or scream,

May fill your eyes with sparkle and gleam.

What triggers me to feel  tired or stressed.

May make you to feel completely blessed.

 

The message in the poem I'm sharing  today,

Is we're all uniquely different in our own way.

Acting one way doesn't make it right or wrong,

Nor does it brand us callous, weak, or strong.

Though we may respond like another to grief.

And while some may share a common belief,

We must somehow always keep in our mind, 

There's no two, three, or ever four of  a  kind.

And thou many of us will bear a certain name,       

No two people are affected exactly the same.


Have you ever witnessed someone at a funeral laughing instead of crying? 

Have you ever been a bystander when someone was being yelled at and instead of crying, acting upset or yelling back, he or she just laughs?

I have and on those occasions I have even raised an eye brow and questioned why this person was reacting in a way that seemed to be inappropriate.

Along my route in life, I have learned that just because a person is laughing on the outside, does not mean he or she is not crying on the inside. Just because a person is acting differently then you or I does not make him or her strange.  Stress and nervousness prompts us to behave in ways that may be difficult for others to understand. 

I’m inclined to believe that survivors of not just abuse, but of any situation will struggle to escape the emotional pain, and as sad as it is he or she may be judged or criticized for our reactions. 

When we are haunted by an experience that controls our thoughts for most of The hours we are awake, people tend to misunderstand and judge us.    

More then once,  I have been party to remarks such as;  "Well, if it was me, I would do this, that, or the other thing, then just get on with it."  And "I don't understand why you feel that way.  If I were in your shoes I'd feel this or that."   

I guess the moral of my story goes something like this.  When we are struggling with an experience we are entitled to feel the way we feel.  We should not be pressured to feel another way nor should we be in the line of remarks with no empathy that will multiple the already that pain exists.     

 We are all different and no two people are exactly the same.  Right or wrong we are still allowed to feel what we feel.    

I now realize feeling and reacting in the ways I did, was something I had to do travel past my pain.   What people need to understand is that no person wants to reflect on past negative happenings.  It takes some of us longer then others to accept and heal from trauma.

 


 

Do we have the right or should we judge someone based on the way they look?
 
No but we tend to do it.
 
There is an old saying; you can't judge a book by its cover. So true. 

I believe the perfect example, one that should be a learning lesson and one that took the world by surprise.  A lesson to anyone who judges others as on their appearance.

For those who are not familiar, in this situation there was a lady, Susan Boyle's, who appeared on the hit television program known as American Idol, which is an hour program searching for hidden talent.  There are three people viewing and rating the singers who appear before them .

On this particular episode, a lady wearing outdated clothing and a hairstyle from a different era of life appeared before the judges.  Before the guests perform, they talk for a few minutes about the song they will perform and  there is a bit of chit chat between the guest and the judges. The judges along with the audience raised an eyebrow, snickering, not taking this lady seriously, and obviously assuming she was a bit of a weirdo. 

A few seconds Susan  belts out one of the most incredible voices you will ever hear.  In the beginning everyone who was talking gasped and became silent.  People were and rightly so, dumbfounded, in awe, totally filled with surprise.   If memory serves me correct, Susan received a standing ovation.   In the coming day, the judges even made a very deserving public apology to this lady.  

I try never to judge someone by their appearance, no matter what they look like.  There is an incident that happened about a year ago as I sat in the waiting room of a doctor’s office.    

As I waited in a crowed room with few empty seats, in walks a guy who looked about 22 years old. 

He looked similar to one of the people in the above photo.  The only difference was this guy had a nose piercing with a chain attached to his earlobe. He wore a long trench coat that was not the cleanest looking, a pair of black dress boots that saw better days, one of those leather gloves with the finger coverings missing, and he had a heavy back pack slung over his shoulder.  His eyes were dark and vacant and his facial expression showed intense sadness.   

For some reason he really pulled at my heart strings.  I felt a wave of grief as I glanced at him sitting with his eyes that were cast to the floor.  

I am a people watcher and I could see the weird looks he was receiving.  

I did not know what to say, but I felt compelled to say something so to break the ice and I asked, "Are you from here?"

He replied, "Actually I'm from________." 

Suddenly it was as if he had diarrhea of the mouth, and it was like one run on sentence once he started.   

“I’m here, visiting my brother and actually, I’m here to pick up a prescription for anti-depressants for him and me. My parents were killed in a car accident over a year ago. I was until recently attending University with the goal of becoming a counselor for troubled youth, but the death of my parents took away my motivation and drive to continue.”   

Though unusual and while he continued to speak, he began rummaging through his backpack and a few minutes later he hauled out his yearbook, opened it and with a grin, he said, "I know you probably won't believe me, so I'll show you.” 

A few seconds later, the grin was replaced with a trembling chin and his eyes glistened with tears, which would break even the most cold hearted person's heart.  He extended his hand; presented me with a few letters from teachers of the University he had been attending.  

I scanned the letters and I was blown away by what I read.  This guy was above intelligent, thought very highly of, and the university expected him to return when he was more stable.

I could actually feel this young mans pain and I was having such a difficult time keeping my own emotions in check.   

By the end of our chat, he said, "It was so nice to talk to you.  People usually frown upon me because of how peculiar I look, but there’s a reason I dress this way.  I do it to make my peers feel comfortable.  I might not have a degree but, I do befriend teens and point them in the direction of safety."

When his doctor came to greet him, he said, “I know I probably won't see you again so I just want to thank you for making my day a better one.  You’re one of the kindest people I’ve met in this town. "

Ask me if my eyes filled up with tears? 

He looked different and perhaps even a bit scary, but to me he was a beautiful person and one of the nicest I have met.   I felt honored to have shared a half hour with that young man.  He made an impact on my life.     

I have never seen this guy again in person, but, I have saw him plenty in my mind and I hope that he is doing okay.  

I guess the moral of my story is that we should never judge people by their appearance. I am not saying I have never judged anyone in my entire life, because that would be a fib.  I certainly am guilty of this act, not a great deal, but just the same I have stooped to do it, but, for the most, I tend to decline from this damaging activity.  I find myself being an advocate for those who are being judged, I guess because I have stood in the shoes of ridicule myself.


JUDGING OTHERS

I agree with the phrase, "do onto to others, etc..."

Maybe if we didn't judge others we wouldn't get judged.

I think we have all done it and I am like any other person who gets judged.  I, like them, do not do well when someone judges me or speculates about about me.  It stresses me out.   Being frowned upon creates unpleasant, additional, and unnecessary stress.   I try my best, my very best, to never take part in judging others.  

 The way I see it, no one has the right to judge another person until they have felt what that person has felt.  Been where that person has been.  Seen what that person has seen.  Or experienced what that person has experienced.



sherry123456789 sherry123456789
46-50, F
20 Responses Mar 8, 2010

That was very moving and pretty <br />
<br />
Thanks

Sherry I wish you to know I shed a tear for that person you spoke of at the Doctors. I have for some reason never shed a tear at a funeral and I have buried two of my children and my Partner of 53 years i recall all the good things we went through and rejoice at that, I certainly felt sad at their death. If I see some one else crying at a funeral I choke up. If I read about some one overcoming what would appear almost insurmountable odds or performing something heroic it will bring tears to my eyes.<br />
As for pre judging any one I always re-call what a Professor in Psychology during a lecture said."Never judge another until you have walked a mile in his shoes". That took place a long time ago but it is always stayed with me. I came from an abusive back-ground but have never been abusive.I would like to tell you more but have run out of time and room Lots of Love John O'C.. I am 75years old.

You are such a talented writer. I wish I could express myself as creatively and clearly. You are so right about not judging. I leave that to God. He is the only one who knows a persons heart and their true motives. Bless you and have a wonderful day!

Sherry you hit me right in the heart,would like to point out that Susan Boyle had 2 no one albums on both sides of the pond in 2010 no other british singer has done that.<br />
yes empathy is far better than sympathy and we might be a culture that is to leanient but we are learning in care and medicine to actually be more sympathetic and some can actually empathise.

Beautifully said!

This is so wonderful. If only we all could be non-judgmental in our lives, how much sweeter life would be. Thank you Sherry for this. Everyone has the same right to love and respect......no matter how they appear to others.

That was insightful, Thanks for sharing.

Perceptive and loving writing. Thank you

judging others and learning about others enables one to be able to work with each indevidual but in this political correct care system we are only persuaded that one way is right,you have to be able to assess a person to help them.I have to point out Susan Boyle was discovered on Britian's got talent,she is scottish and has had 2 no1 albums in britian and america at the same time only british solo performer to do this.Understanding and empathising and good communiction are the basis of good care work

I also try never to judge. I do this by a very simple method, I simply always try to understand everyone. Now I am not saying that to understand is simple or even always possible, but I find if that is your goal you will cease to judge.<br />
To me judging is the opposite of understanding.

Thanks for sharing. As much as we are different we are more the same yet, as I understand it, what separates a human being from a Chimpanzee is one gene - - of course that difference is the one that counts. When we identify difference with a "I am more than you" attitude I agree with you about judging yet, I add the caveat, except for relatives, we are free to associate with others or not as is our free choice, we are just not free to treat people as "less than" we treat ourselves.

I have found in my 7/8 life time that to be true to ones own thoughts and self is an ultamate goal. It does not matter what other people may think of you or your thoughts that count. It is what you think of your self and what you have in your OWN heart that count. You have to do some real hard and complete searching to find it...this may be a life time job as with me.....some of this is from my own soul searching. and some is what my master has taught me. I have been searching for 65 years. I an about to come to the end of my soul searching........May you find yours and without pain........Me.

hi Sherry wow what an amazing writer.

BRAVO SHERRY!! STANDING OVATION! God bless you...

I enjoyed your poem. Thank you.

i agree we are all different thats what makes the world so crazy it would be boring if we were all the same

thanks

Wow! That took a while to get through but it is very well wirtten. We all are different and we lve acourding to our own standards. My wife and I come from very different cultures. You might even say I married above myself. I have even said that at times. Yet we both are mostly happy and would not want to be anywhere else. I have come to terms with myself, and I like who I see in the mirror. That gives me the ability to look around this world of ours and see things with a clear (mostly) sense of identity. This can be a great life, even with the difficulties we will face.

That was a lovely piece of writing Sherry, and I agree with you 100%. You may not agree with someone's thoughts, their behaviour or reactions, but you can try and put yourself in their shoes and understand them. And not pass judgement.

May I just encourage you to persevere on the journey you are on of understanding and self knowledge and find vistas of healing and growth. Thanks for sharing this.