Big Girls Don't Cry

     I fell in love once with my now ex whom I had three kids with. The experience was short of happy by all means. He was overwhelmed with emotion and jealousy and he also grew a dark side that was sexually deviant and twisted. To me our love felt only sided and I struggled doing everything right in the relationship. Then I finally had my fill and I left him. My heart didn't want to do it but my body needed a break from the abuse. I moved on with another and my heart stilled cried out for him. Then 6 years later he told me that he missed me and that I was his first love and that he wanted us to try to work things out between us but only slowly. The sad part about that was that his siblings kept getting him intoxicated and condoned him neglecting our kids. His behavior left me speechless. I did however get another chance to spend time with him for about one year. We couldn't be together the way that we wanted but he was still close to me in many ways. Then when Fergie's song "Big Girl's Don't Cry" came out we both loved that song. We would drive around listening to it in his truck. He emphasized the lyrics to me many times and at the time I didn't want to let go so I didn't take them to heart until we had a final falling out in which I have not talked to him since and that's been about 3 years now. I have no intentions on ever talking to him again either unless it's a child emergency. Now that years have passed I look back on those memories and I can see a clear picture that God gave us a second chance but it was meant only to be temporary . He was trying to tell me that it was time for us to seperate. He did it this way unconsciously by trying to make it easier on me. I can smile about that aspect of it I guess, but I have moved on now and I keep that song close as symbolism to how experiences with other people are a given in God' time and God's purpose.
PROprium PROprium
31-35, F
2 Responses Jun 20, 2010

lol. Yea...this one loved me and still does only he had a dark side that he tried to conceal and I saw right through it and he hated that. He didn't want me smart. He wanted me stupid and compliant so he could play games with me. I know better now and I run into types of men just like him and they hate me for the same reason. It's almost a repetitive pattern.

and some only stay for a short period.