The Beginning Of Crystal... Meth

My first time using Methamphetamine.

It all began with Steven James, also known as Bam. This guy was like nothing I've ever seen before. He's... addicted to methamphetamine. The first night I met Bam, was the first time I tried meth. It was unexplainable. It was like no other high I have had before. I felt awake, aware, happy, excited, I felt like I was flying. What I didn't think about was the come down. It was... ******. I was shaky, very shaky. When you smoke or inject meth it makes your body REALLY dehydrated, and cotton mouth is definitely a *****.. I should have drank more water... but anyways come downs. They are TERRIBLE. I was so ******* paranoid. I wasn't during the high (well at least not as bad) but afterwards, it got pretty bad. I kept laying in bed then would get up and just stare out the window at the cars thinking it was one of my friends driving by or because I "heard" a strange noise. I think at one point I literally just sat there, zoned out, staring out the window for like 2 hours. Finally I got fed up and went and hid underneath my covers like a little baby, lol.

I was never hungry while high on meth, so that explains all of them being really skinny. Bam says it actually makes him hungry after he's been high on it for a couple of hours, because he's done it for a good amount of time now. But not me, food was the last thing on my mind.

Here's another thing about glass, it makes you REALLY horny. Of course Bam warned me of that one, and I just laughed and said I'm sure it isn't that bad. But nope, I was WRONG. Every time he would kiss my neck it gave chills. When he touched me it felt like an electric current was being sent throughout my entire body. That night, I had the best sex of my life while high on methamphetomine. But you don't want the details on that I'm sure.

Bryan Cox, also known as Dr. Cox. (Bam's really good friend) They call him the doctor because he's the best at giving injections of ice. I wouldn't know if he was the best, considering I never injected meth before that night, but I watched him give himself a shot, and he explained everything to me about it, so I trusted him. Bryan is actually really smart. He can tell you lots of interesting facts about this stuff. He's also 30 years old and super skinny. He weighs the exact same as me, (120 pounds). For a 30 year old male, that is TINY. So I'm guessing meth doesn't make him hungry either. He says that he isn't addicted to crystal, that he has stopped before and can but just doesn't want to because he enjoys it.. idk why he wouldn't stop if he could... he'd save a lot of money. Another fact, meth is not CHEAP. (Probably a good thing) but that doesn't stop them. An addict will stop at nothing to get the drug. In my eyes Brian is an addict.

Shots of meth actually don't hurt at all... I was surprised. When you inject meth directly into your vein like that, you will get the 100% effects of the drug. Smoking it will give you like 80%, snorting it will give you like 60% of the effects. Did you know meth is the only drug that you can inject, snort, and smoke?! That explains why they call it the wonder drug now. (Fun facts with Dr. Cox).

I wanted to feel high that night. I wanted to know what it was like being high on something else besides weed. I needed something better that night, and meth was definitely it. Bryan filled the brand new needle with ice and alcohol, drawed it back then slowly stuck it in my vein. I felt it running through my blood. He released it, (perfectly, not a drop of blood, didn't even feel him stick me with it), then asked how I felt, I instantly felt the crystal tingling and going slowly throughout my whole body, coughed 3 times, Then the high on ice began...

That night though, despite the being high on meth for 2 days... I couldn't take my eyes off of Bam. There was something about him. I wanted to know his story. I wanted to know how he got to the point where he's at now. 23 years old, with 2 kids (I think), and smoking meth every chance he gets. He was pretty into me too, which surprised me. But it was all too much for one night and I don't know if I will ever know the full story now.. or if I will ever even see Bam again; Another fact, meth heads show up at random *** times. Like he showed up at my apartment at 2 in the morning, 2 days after he said he would be back later... lol well I would say that was later for sure. But anyways, he did fill me in on a little bit of the facts the couple of times we hung out. He showed me the places where he was shot, he told me how he spent a couple of years in prison, how he's always moved from place to place; never really had a place called home. I felt for him so bad, because I know what it's like never having a stable place to live. After I told him that he said "kiss me" so I did... MOST INTENSE KISS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. It was passionate. It was REAL. It was 2 people that somehow crossed a million different paths, who ended up together in my apartment kissing like we have never kissed another person before.

Today is the day after. The day after I've been high on meth for 2 days. I feel better today, no more bad come down effects, but today I feel sadness. It broke my heart to see Steve laying on the floor "tweaking out", saying he needs another shot. He says he usually shoots up about 4 times a day... sometimes more. I miss Bam and Dr. Cox. Despite them being addicts, they are really good people, who have good hearts, but just got lost a long the way like I did...

Methamphetomine is one hell of a drug. If I could do it everyday, without the come downs, I would. But I'm better than that... Bam and Bryan actually told me that. They told me not to be doing this **** everyday like them, that I am way smarter than that. Then I told them that what ya'll don't know or see is that the 2 of you are too... And I honestly belive that, no matter what they do.

Somewhere in between the 2 days, Bam gave me a real white gold necklace that his son wore, he just gave it to me. It was so random. He said he wants me to have it, that it's better off with me anyways. Then somehow I ended up with his tongue ring.. lol I guess we switched or something. After they were gone and I was cleaning up, I found Bams bag with his pipe and needles... A necklace, tongue ring, and a bag full of dope needles and a pipe is all I have left of that night.. besides the memories of course.

I don't know if I will ever see these 2 guys again. But they will forever be in my memories, and in my heart, because I truly do feel for them and understand, and I think that's why we all seemed to get a long very well, because we have all been through so much. It's amazing how random life can be... I didn't wake up and think "Hey, I'm gonna inject meth today!" It just happened... and I know this may sound stupid, but I'm actually glad I did it. It was a life changing, learning experience. Bam and Bryan taught me a lot that night, about myself more than they would ever know. If we ever cross paths again, I hope when I see them they aren't addicted to ice anymore, because they're so much more than the crystal eyes. They are way beyond that.

To be honest, I would do meth again if I could. And I know that sounds stupid too, but I would. Just not everyday like Bam and Brian. I would do it if it came around every now and then is what I'm really trying to say I suppose. There is a first time for everything... a first time meth user for me, and the first time I actually saw the good in 2 people who just looked like some stupid addicts, who thought so utterly wrong about themselves. You never really know a person till you TRULY get to know them, and for those 2 nights I truly got to know these men. Maybe one day we will all cross paths again. I mean everything happens for a reason right?

The track marks remain...
Every time I look down at my arms and see the marks from the needle, it reminds me of them and that night. It reminds me of a time in my life, where I felt more accepted and loved by 2 people I never even knew existed in this world before then. And now they will forever exist in my life and memories. Thank you, Methamphetamine.
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Dec 1, 2012