From Someone Ordinary: Revelation Of Mixed Emotions

I was born in a family where cursing and cussing are forbidden. I grew up to learn the proper etiquette, good manners and right conduct. I lived up to be a person full of happiness and kind-heartedness. I thought everything I need to know was already known. All that time I never truly see things the way they were. However, all of that changed. In a split second everything I knew in infancy vanished into a thin cloud of dust. It was as if a great tornado just hit me on the face. My microcosm just expanded. I wasn't ready for this. I haven't prepared myself for anything as phenomenal, uncanny, nebulous, inevitable, risky, ineffable, eerie, and dangerous as this one. ADULTHOOD…

I know I've met a lot of people along this highway of life. Some hated me, maybe. Many made really good friends, some best buddies, and others just passersby. I don't know if they really liked or loved me or even treasured our friendship. 'Coz for me, I did. I value every moment that happens in my life, whether humongous or itsy-bitsy. I don't want to be sentimental. But I guess it's what I am, and I hate it. I easily get attached with people that it hurts too badly. Sometimes there is a necessity for me to want to nullify these onslaughts.

Have you ever tried to be so angry? All you wanted to do is to scream so loud 'coz if not, the one that's beating inside your chest might burst in any second and the only thing left for you to do is to cry? Aargh...I did. I've got no choice. Better keep it to myself. It's so hard yet I've got to. I wanted to scream at them, scratch their faces, beat them up, hang them on the wall until they grasp for their last breath, and left them in the cold begging for their life. I can do that. But no. I won't. I’m trying hard not to resemble in this cutthroat nemesis.

As I continue to dive in the currents of life, I learned how to drink, to fight, to stay out late at night and became a wicked person. These are the things that make others hate me. But what they don’t know is that… I drink with the people I trust, which’ll take care of me when I am drunk. I fight when my loved ones are hurt and knowing that I’m fighting for the right thing. And I go home late because I just don’t want any of my friends going home alone. I may get lost and forget my old self at times yet after all, I still go back to be that 'goody two shoes girl' they used to know. I feel inept in this ghastly and inextricable space. So nam by-pam by.

Sometimes I wonder why I am like this. What am I doing into a milieu like this? Why do I have to undergo in these circumstances? Why do I have to stay in the dark when there is light? Why do I have to be anything I'm not? I'm already tired and nausea of wearing this mask of pretensions. It’s like an infectious disease mutilating my entire existence. Give me a break, you people. I'm still a bloody person, a mere, ordinary human being, a co-inhabitant of the planet Earth.

I'm just like you and you're just like me. I laugh and also cry. I criticize a lot yet give compliments too. I get mad and forgive. I sometimes go nefarious, freak, and moonstruck, or sometimes docile, agreeable, and serene. We are all the same. I know you're thinking that life is unfair. But you know what? For me it is all fair. Why? Because life is unfair to you, unfair to me, and unfair to them. Life is fair. Get it?

Like you I want to have my share of happiness in this solitude. You're lonely? Me too, and lots of people are. Let's stop complaining and nagging about something useless. It's not worth it. It will just give us wrinkles, heart attack, and worse death. So we need to be careful my friend. Everything in this world is simple, and we have to keep simple things simple. Why are we always complicating this stuff up? Instead, let us enjoy life while we still can. There's not much time left for anybody else. We'll never know when our dear life would end. If you wanted to die so soon, you'll never have it. Because the more you badly wanted to get that something, the more you'll never get it. Pause. Chillax. Don't rush things. Everything will fall into place in the right time. In God's perfect time. As the saying goes "Timing is everything." However, I am not forcing you to believe every word I say. I won’t insist anything. The decision is still yours. No offense there, mate. I’m just breaking the sobriety.

In this journey of life, I learned lots of different things. For better and for worse. I don't care if you're a good or a bad influence. I’ll still accept you even if you’re a menace. Because I'm just joyful and very much blessed that you arrive and became or will become a part of my intricate and mixed-up life. All of you mold me into a person I am today. Without you, I would never be the person who I truly am. But this is just the beginning. I know there's more to learn and people to cherish. Wherever life may lead me, I'll see to it that I will find a place for you in my petite heart. And I may fail to say goodbye, I will never forget how thankful I am for you getting inside the pages of my book in a jiffy. So, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!
bunxai07 bunxai07
26-30, F
Dec 9, 2012