I was always looking for something special in high school. Something of more value than empty bias lessons. I wasn't sure what I was trying to draw tword myself; but I knew I was open to almost anything.

Growing up in a very beautiful rural area, always seeming so desolate in winter. Being a Sophmore I was dabbling with drugs, meeting older people, and getting into trouble. What else to do in the middle of nowhere? So anyway, one random day in December I got a friend request on Facebook from some John character who had his body painted, wild hair, and eyes that I would later on become endenchered to. I had no idea who he was. I mean maybe the name rang a bell but I had never met him. So I asked my friends who the hell was this guy? And they were excited, they'd say things like, "He's so cool." or "How do you not know John flippin' ******?" So I decided, yeah I'll add him.

Right away I knew I found it, love.

John was my first and only love I had ever had. We loved all of the same music, and books, food, and interests. We seemed to fit so well together. It was just so easy. Besides the fact John is five years older than I am. It was always hard for him to deal with the secrecy that became so addicting. I don't know if it was the danger or it all, or just because of how caught up in each other we were that we were so in love. We made plans, and drank cheap wine. We traded books and shared our records. We were perfect, meant to have found each other, and meant to have had the experiences we share.

Eventually after a year and a half things went sour. He slept with one of my best friends; and for that I have forgiven him. It was a long process of loathing him, and then breaking down and needing him. But I am finally here I am finally okay with where we both are in our own seperate lives and not being together. I'll think of him every day for the rest of my life. The times we played under the shadows of the trees at the beach, or just layed naked in each other's arms. John may have wronged me but I know that I am not perfect and I have wronged many in my lifetime. But he taught me what love is. In all forms. He made my soul wake up from it's dormint state of self medication and lonliness and kissed me with passionate conviction.

I've been loving John for a lot of years, for someone of my age, and I don't regret a minute of it. Maybe someday we will come back to each other and if not that's okay. But I do think that John is my soul mate, in the way that it was in the universe for us to meet and teach each other so many things about life, love, and ourselves. Because of these things I have peace in mind knowing our souls and bodies are forever bound.
sunegg sunegg
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 9, 2013

Excellent story dear. Thank you for sharing this with us.