I'm awake right now because I keep thinking about my rape. So, I have been doing some "research".

I guess my experience could be defined by the public as "grey rape" http://www.pandys.org/articles/grayarearape.html

It's "grey rape" because I went to his house and I agreed to sex-- at first. It wasn't rape until I was anally penetrated. THAT was rape; it WAS NOT consentual, it was painful and it was scary.
One of the commenters on two of my other posts said something along the lines of "sex does not start and stop". I guess it's supposed to feel natural and flow. But if you think about it, how much time does it take to ask "do you want to do this?" Not that long. I mean, before this guy took off my shorts, I stopped him to say I was a virgin. He asked if it was OK to continue. I said yes. I believe that took 30 seconds and in that time, I don't think he lost his erection.

And you know, he knew I was a virgin. Anal is a lot to handle anyway, virgin or not. I've read about this a lot (granted, after I experienced it) and they say go slow (nope), use a lot of lube (nope), start small, like a finger ( nope), and communication is key ( haha big NO).

If you were wondering, I think I did say no and if I didn't, it was pretty obvious I was not enjoying myself. I was close to crying. Since I was making noises of pain, this guy put his hand over my mouth. He knew!

So yes, this was rape, real rape, not grey rape! And I DESERVE to heal. Anyone who has experienced any sort of violence deserves to heal.

Also here is another good arrival btw
mwdot mwdot
22-25, F
Aug 23, 2014