For Aether....

my incredible friend... your current plans have brought back a whole flood of memories and i can't stop smiling. :0]

it was February 13, 1999. that date will be burned in my brain forever. i had an amazing dream about a month before that had cemented my determination: i was about to end my 16 year marriage. so much easier said than done. anyway... i felt like i was the rock nestled in a slingshot that had been pulled back slowly, slowly, slowly, over that 16 year period. i had become so removed from myself that i didn't recognize the person i was anymore. i was ready to go, to flee and to fly. the divorce, in my mind, was going to be the moment of my release.

one of the things i most regretted getting away from was skiing. i was practically skiing as soon as i could walk. we were raised on Red Lodge Mountain back before skiing was stylish... and expensive! we used to pack a sack lunch and rent a locker and stuff our food in there. i remember being packed up like a mini santa clause in a snowsuit that was so cumbersome i had to walk spread eagle, with stiff limbs. my dad insisted we carry our own skis and boots so the climb from the parking area up to the lockers was the hardest part of the day. everything else was literally... down hill from there!! ah, ****. but i digress. :0] (see? happy memories... )

my husband wasn't a skiier. he hated the cold and the thought of it altogether. he was also excessively jealous so taking out on a vacation by myself was just out of the question. boy, talk about learning from the past, eh?

after the dream, though... the emotional separation was complete. all that was left was the physical one. i can't remember how i worked out the logistics and whether i told him about it or not. but i made arrangements for my daughter to stay with family and i bought a single ticket to a Natalie Merchant Valentine's Day concert that was happening at Harold's, i think... in Lake Tahoe. you can't go to Lake Tahoe and not ski, right? so i planned to go up a day early and spend it at Heavenly Mountain. it was the first thing i had done "alone" for years. i remember feeling so out of place, and so incredibly strong at the same time. after 16 years in this marriage... i had learned not to look at people and not to smile at anybody but women and SURE the hell not to talk to anybody or risk hell to pay later on. it's strange now to think back on it because it's so far removed from the me that i am now. happily. :0]

that week the snow had fallen at Tahoe something fierce. i remember driving up the mountain on this dug out road, lined up behind other skiiers. the snow was so deep on each side of the road that it was taller than the Suburbans!! and that didn't count the mountains of tall stuff the plows had turned over. it felt like we were blind mice, playing follow the leader in a maze. sooooo exciting.. the day was crisp and clear and blue and when i came up over one of the trails, laid out before me was the largest, bluest jewel i had ever seen: Lake Freaking Tahoe. surrounded in snow and ice... i don't think i've ever seen anything so beautiful. i had to just stop and stand there and soak it all in. i tried taking pictures but everything was so WHITE! nothing really came out right. it's okay though, because i hold that memory deep in my heart (and now here, on EP!).

so back to the point of the story, okay!?? heh... i didn't speak a word to anybody that day. nobody talked to me, either. with one exception. when i got to the lift line, i saw all of the people paired off and remembered that this is where i was supposed to shout, "Single!" .... and so i did. :0]

WoobieTuesday WoobieTuesday
36-40, F
2 Responses Sep 30, 2011


osmosis!! HE SPEAKS!!! :0] hello, jello. :0]

Awesome story, Woobie. I love it! You are a strong woman for all of the past crap you have been through and an even stronger woman for getting your self out of it. I can't imagine being in a relationship with so little trust. <br />
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I have been on many trips alone because we have 3 big dogs and it is hard to find a sitter that can handle them all. I love to just hop on the bike and go for a long ride, but somehow, some way there is always someone talking to me or I'll just say something jovial to myself. This trip I just plan to sit under a big tree and fish all day and say nothing, find my center.

i wish you luck my friend. i look forward to your happy reports.... :0]

the Natalie Merchant concert was incredible too... and one of those goosebumpy twilight zone moments. i'll write about that sometime too. also one of my favorite memories... thanks for bringing that all back to mind. :0]