Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

School Paddlings

This past week numerous people have been SHOCKED to hear my Boy recently recieved a paddling at school. They were not shocked to hear he deserved discipline (lol), but that our school STILL uses paddling as a form of disciplinary action. Most people asked if I was Ok with the action. "Well, hell yeah. He gets his butt spanked at home! " I replied. This resulted in further cringing from some folks. Do I care about those cringes? NO! Do I believe it is always effective, or should be used as the only means of discipline?? ABSOLUTELY NOT!  But it IS absolutely effective on my daughter, who fears the "thought" of pain to her rear. Therefore, threatening to spank or paddle her generally ends the issue. Once in a blue moon I have to reenforce her thoughts with the actual deed, and she's good to go for several weeks!

The Boy however... he's a mixed work in progress on the disipline. As he gets older, we find other means of discipline, such as grounding him from certain toys or activities make him behave better. However, he doesn't like the threat of a spanking from his Daddy. Not because Daddy spanks TOO hard, but I think because the Boy realizes that Daddy is at the end of his capabilities to deal with a misbehavior or action, and I think our son senses that DISAPPOINTMENT  Daddy is feeling in his son. And our Boy doesn't like when one of us feels disappointed in him. I don't like that it takes a spanking to make the Boy realize he's disappointed us in his behavior. I wish talking to the child was enough. Or the groundings. But it isn't. We don't beat, or abuse the children, but we use enough force for them to feel the spanking, and remind them that their action resulted in our reaction. And we TELL the kids before or after WHY they recieved the spanking. If people can't see that spanking can be used constructively, then perhaps they should live where the punishment is CANING or "eye for an eye-tooth for a tooth" punishment! Spanking and paddling seem MILD when you think of those options!

UPDATE ON March 23, 2011.... since this story has been in such debate, I decided I would give you the perspective of a CHILD'S feelings about punishment consisting of Spankings.  Almost two weeks ago, I grounded my Daughter from her phone ( her grounding time is almost up) as punishment for sneaking away from a teen-hangout joint, and missing her curfew by an hour! She also disobeyed by riding in a car full of kids, after me telling her ONLY to ride with the adult that was supposed to deliver all the kids home at curfew. SO... we are on week two of her having no phone to talk or text. She informed me the other night... " I WOULD RATHER TAKE A SPANKING AND HAVE THE PUNISHMENT IMMEDIATELY OVER, THAN TO GO ANOTHER NIGHT WITHOUT MY PHONE!"   So, to anyone that believes spanking is an abuse.... here's a kid that would rather be "abused" than be "civilly" grounded!

emerald emerald 36-40, F 96 Responses Feb 25, 2010

Your Response

Cancel

If everyone will notice, it wasn't that long ago when I was in school. Paddeling and prayer was still in the school system. And ain't it funny how we never heard of all these school shootings. Bullying wasn't nearly as bad as it is today and even the drop out rate wasn't even half as much today.

I myself am a firm believer n spankings. When my daughter was 6, she got pissed off because I wouldn't get something she wanted in the grocery store and desided plop down on the floorr and throw a fit. When i yanked her up threatening a visit to the car she desided to yank away and run. You shoulgd have seen the judgemental eyes and under breaths comments everyone was making as I popped her rear and drug her to the car. Now remember drug and yanked is a figure of speech. But I assure you. She is 13 now and has never acted like that in public again.

Kids just don't know how good they got it. Hell if I had my choice is still living at home with my parents.

Spankings must never be promised and not delivered.

Spanking is not abuse if the right amount of spankings gave to the kid, i mean the hurt would last for a few hours and not for days.

the "civil" method is why kids today have been sissified into a bunch of entitled, sue-happy, soft-skinned wimps that expect to get a ribbon for coming in 7th place.

I got Wacked(or spanked) as a kid....in the '60s. a few times. But my parents always explained why it was coming. I understood that. It helped too.
Sadly, I never spanked my 2 girls. Never seen the need. I did make them sit on the stairs...........and think about their actions. And it worked. Only happened 2 or 3 times.
Problem solved!!

I think no punishment is effective unless the child understands why he is being punished.

I believe every child understands why. The problem is lack of follow through.

Maybe.

Spanking is highly effective.

... my dad always said it is okay for the teachers to hit the crap out of my brother and I,
but with my little sister (the late comer) he wants to hit the teacher for hitting her.......... huh?

Yes it seems the older some parents get, the less spanking occurs.

It seems perfectly reasonable to me! There are times I'd like to spank my daughter (rather than throttle her) but she is 20, and dad doing that...well, I feel it would be inappropriate. Grounding doesn't work on its own. I either turn off text (I still want her to be able to communicate and call me) or I take the car. Besides, a calm talking to from her dad can bring tears just as easily as a spanking and I know the words resonate. I've no idea how old your children are. <br />
<br />
I got spanked when I was young, I know each and every time I deserved it! oh, I'm not seeing a shrink either.

Snicker ~ Yeah, it didn't take me long to figure out what my kids hated the most. I always when with that, it amazes me. You would think it would be a spanking...but nope I found much more effective ways to get their cooperation. Of course there was the occasional crime that got a spanking and grounding.

Oy..It continues.

Without Discipline their is CHAOS

Chaos begins from spankings.

discipline should not be dealt with by laying hands on childrens' small bodies.,,And i advocate discipline, and..continuity..and consistency...thank you for letting me share.

Works somewhere. Where was that again? Oh yeah, lala land.

As a kid i was not spanked i was just a good kid and if i was told something i followed it. as i got oldet i did not believe in it untill in my late teens early twentys when i started helping raise my cousin. She was a handfull and did not listen to me at all. I had petmission from her mom to spank but never did untill she was about seven and after i seen how it niped her behavior now i believe

Naughty youngsters Need to be Punished .

i Agree i Disciplined my youngsters . Just as my Parents Disciplined Me in the 1950s and 1960s . i youngsters are Disruptive at home . some kind of punishment is needed . Disciplinary Spankings must hurt . Bare Bottom is best . one has to see it getting red and no when to stop . i was Raised very Strict by my Mum and extended family . The Cane was used in all Schools when i was a youngster in the 1950s and 1960s . it was LEGAL and Approved By Parents . the Catholic i went to was very strict , it was Run by Priests and Nuns . Canings were very Severe if i was on Detention after School . then i would be given a Note for my Parents . i think the Nuns and Priests new i would be Punished again at home for getting into trouble at School . i often had a very sore and welted bruised bottom when i was a youngster growing up .That was 1950s Discipline . Corrective Therapy Worked back then and made better Adults . UnDisciplined youngsters need Strict Parenting and Discipline at School . Without Discipline their is CHAOS .Respected Trusted Gent Age 63 years young . davidmaher48@gmail.com .

Just because canings were legal doesn't make them right. They still stone people in the Middle East-does that make it acceptable? Not in my book! We don't need to treat children like animals. If a person has to resort to practically beating a child for misbehavior, I think it is just downright wrong. I say that as a parent of a very difficult 8-year old. We've found grounding and taking privileges away to be effective (usually).I think spanking might work w/ some kids but I personally don't advocate for it. And an occasional speaking now and then is one thing, but leaving bruises and welts all over a child? That is just abuse, plain and simple.

my daughter still gets her backside whacked regularly for her behaviour or should i say misbehaviour and if more parents did it maybe society would not contain so many delinquients

WELL DONE, I went to a school in Africa and the teacher whacked my backside quite often!, guess what? it worked!. Carry on and you'll see!.

add me so we can chat pls

People Cringe when they learn that paddling still happens. It should be allowed in every public school including high school as children today need to know that there are limits and authority absolutely exists.

Well, how you raise your child is completely up to you, and I support all parents' rights to do so. On a personal note though, I've informed my local elementary that no one is EVER to strike my daughter under any circumstances. If any teacher raises a hand to my child, they will wish to God they'd never been born.

i Agree With taylorminor . Self Opinionated People are WindBags and Full of Bulshit . Living in Their own World .

I agree with corporal punishment as a last degree if others dont work .I got the cane ,slipper and hand when I was a kid did me no harm .If anything it made me respect other people.

good for you an that is wonderful for your school system to still use paddling in school<br />
it was a very sad day when they took out paddlee in the schoools system<br />
<br />
that is great you spank at home just lie we do also<br />
an im proude ot hear you dont care what ohters think i am sure that your kids behave alot better then any one else that has second thoughts about spanking

We get paddled at school it would be a happy day if they took the paddle away.

My personal view on this is If you do not discipline your children between the age of 2 and 6 then you will totally regret it. I Have spent a large portion of my life dealing with children of all ages and the one thing that shines through is kids that have had controlled discipline will shine through .. Disciplined and remember to add respect always respect for the parent and your elders... It was great for my kids... I love my kids they are my life ... they have there moments but they truly believe that the way they were brought up is how they will be bringing up there kids ... MY son is 24 married and has his first daughter who is hitting 1 and my 2 daughters 17 and nearly 15... all good well mannered kids ... Mark my son gave me a hard time at 13 to 16 and then it was all good . ... and he says i was not hard enough on him but at that time i was a single mum. Don't let anyone tell you that it can all be done with one parent because it really all depends on the children and my son would most definitely had done a little better at that age if the man was in the house.... But that really does come down to the children.... as they are all special little bundles of fairy dust................And this just my option ..I do think it is a little scary at the though of some one else hitting my kids..... so i would have that come down to each individual child and the parents would have that insight...so yeah....

School Corporal Punishment Paddling<br />
<br />
Uniform Guidelines That All School Systems<br />
should have in Place<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I can’t speak for other persons out there but I had seen a few school paddling’s back in the Seventies / Eighties era and from my personal view when used correctly with out using Brute or Harsh force when using a paddle maybe effective on both male / female pupils<br />
<br />
I disagree with School teachers / administrators being allowed use a Paddle board’s that are nearly the size of College Fraternity Paddles to Use on Young Children and Teens below the age of 18, It’s a well known fact that these sized boards being used do and have caused injuries and or server bruising. <br />
<br />
since most paddler’s doing the paddling tend to raise the boards high above in the air to give the blow’s to the receiving persons.. This is when the paddle is actually is being used as a battering weapon.. And is no longer considered an instrument for punishment,.<br />
<br />
Since must Pubic / Private School Systems in the U.S. Have guide lines that on average restrict the size of the paddle boards on the average size of 18 to 22 inches long and about 3 to 4 inches wide with the thickness of the board from ½ to 5/8 thickness of the wood These boards should never be raised above ones head high in the air.. <br />
<br />
Since you are mandated to use this type of paddle.. The Board should only be raised up to either your Hip or Breast level or Preferably between your Hip and Breast levels,... never high in the air !,.... that can also effect your proper aiming to the receivers rear end to. <br />
<br />
The most Preferable Paddle to use that are least likely to Cause Bruising or an Injury would be to locate or have one of the Old Type Slivernear Paddles that had the Comments written on them,. Heat for the Seat , Fanny Whacker , Aditude Adjuster , Butt Buster, ETC,. These boards are best on both small children and teens also in the case of a Teen you can ratchet up the force of your Stokes if desired with out causing serious damage or bruising to the receivers rear end,.<br />
<br />
If your allowed to use this type of board do so,. If you can’t locate one then have one custom made using cedar wood or ash wood.. Have the paddle coated with lacquer and sealed using a smooth gloss finish this will help prevent the board from splintering during use.. <br />
<br />
the size can be from three to four inches wide and about 16 inches long.. Thickness will not be over 1/4 inches,. Stings like fire but doesn’t cause damage,.<br />
<br />
<br />
Positioning Student:<br />
<br />
First Option Positioning : Pupils that are to be paddled should be standing legs can be together or apart,. Arms Grabbing the back of rest top of a Chair this is the best Positioning since there buttocks will be in a natural relaxed state and are allowed to naturally flex and absorb the force being applied to them from the paddle,. Ask Student to look up straight forward , this will prevent a jerk of the neck and head .. ” Surprise from the paddles application “ <br />
<br />
Second Option Positioning would be to have the Pupil bend over a Desk Palms of there hands flat on the top of the Desk. Also have them towards either sides - corner’s of the desk depending which hand / arm you use. “ Right handed “ / “ Left handed. “ Ask Student to look up straight forward , this will prevent a jerk of the neck and head .. ” Surprise from the paddles application “ <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Third option Positioning would be to have them bend over place there hands flat on the surface of a Seat or Chair Ask Student to look up straight forward , this will prevent a jerk of the neck and head .. ” Surprise from the paddles application “ <br />
<br />
Fourth Option Positioning : Slightly leaning against a wall palms of hands flat on the wall,. Arms Positioned around the shoulder to upper torso level. <br />
<br />
<br />
Positioning Don’t’s: IMPORTANT ! Don’t bend over with hands holding down Towards either the Ankles or the Knees this isn’t very safe for the Student, and increases the risk and dangers of the Student being knocked over or falling down during the punishment,. Also not bent over a Desk with the lower body torso and chest laying up / pressed up against the desk top.. Desk / Counter top will dig into the person. Lets remember risk of injuries.<br />
<br />
<br />
Positioning of Administrator / Teacher “ Paddler “<br />
<br />
Paddler should be positioned standing to the side of the Pupil, not standing to the rear side or back of the Pupil ,. Paddler should have view the Pupils Sides and Rear End, Back, Shoulders , Back of head, and possible rear side view of pupils face, Your Paddling Arm should come to even position with the buttocks of the pupil,. <br />
<br />
This is important.. It effects how the paddle will land on the buttocks, you want the paddle to land evenly on both sides of the buttocks,. Since its been noted a lot of bruising is caused by uneven impacts from paddles,.<br />
So Check your positioning now..<br />
<br />
Safe Test of Application of the Paddle,.<br />
<br />
Take Aim raise the paddle up between your hip and Breast line height, Do a few practice swings, Board will come to a complete Soft Stop on the Rear End or Soft Tap landing on the buttocks,. <br />
<br />
You are preforming the last safety checks here before the real paddling is to begin, board should be making even contact,. Also you should observing for any adverse reaction from the pupil at this point,. If the Student was jumpy or had slightly Quivered, or made a slight under breath Grunt from the Practice Taps, Wait a bit for a few seconds raise the paddle back up and redo the Practice Swings again,. <br />
<br />
This is perfectly ok to preform the Soft Landing Taps since there shouldn’t be any pain at this point,. If the same thing happens again you might consider lowering the amount of force to use during the “ Real Paddling “ to a mild level,. Also ask Student if they are alright about doing this in a smooth tone of voice,. Remember and keep in mind Your not trying to inflict Serious Emotional TRAUMA here,. At this point the student may have a emotional brake down at this point, .. if this is the case the Paddling will not commence and an alternative options maybe considered.<br />
<br />
<br />
If no Adverse Reactions were Observed During the Practice Test Taps,,.. Then Proceed with the Application of the Paddle,.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Application of the Paddle:<br />
<br />
all the above steps have been taken, Proper Positioning and Test and Aim has been Taken, Its Now time to proceed with the Punishment “ the is Paddling to begin “,.<br />
<br />
Announce To the Pupil the Amount of Stokes that will be given,. Tell them they are to remain still and keep there arms and hands clear and stay in position until He or She is told to stand up.. Or the last Stoke has been given,. Pupil is not to stay in position for a prolonged period of time after the last Stoke has been completed,. <br />
Start with the paddle rested once again on the buttocks then raise the paddle to the correct height then ask the Pupil if He or She is ready, Announce Are you Ready ?,. Pupil Will reply accordingly: Yes / Yeah ,.. This is the very last step before the paddles application ,. Once the YES is said.. Its GREEN LIGHTS TO GO ,. The Paddling will now Commence<br />
<br />
<br />
The Normal Reactions during the Application of the Stokes could be, a Yell of: Ouch , Yaouch , Ohoo, there maybe some slight crying and tears coming from the eyes, elevated breathing,. Maintain the application of the Stokes of Paddle,. If Pupil is hollering and screaming and crying excessively its acceptable to reduce the amount of force in the paddles application,. <br />
<br />
If the pupil states during the application of the stokes that they can’t take any more,. You are to state the punishment must be completed and the pupil has made there choice,. If this happens it is acceptable to stop the Paddling for a few moments / minutes , Its at your discretion to add or not to add additional Stokes inform the Pupil there will be additional Stokes,. Its also advisable to reduce the amount of force that is being used in the paddles application at this point too,. One or Two more Stokes added is ok,. . <br />
<br />
<br />
Completion of the Punishment,. Student is allowed to compose themselfs,. In no case are they to be allowed to return to class or allowed out in the halls Un- composed or appearing in the state of duress from the application of the paddling,. <br />
<br />
This is about as safe as you can effectively apply Corporal Punishment / Paddling of a Student that I can think of,. The above Steps might seem like a long process but once you’ve gotten in to the routine of doing the Above it should only take an additional 20 to 30 Seconds before the Application of the Punishment Starts. <br />
<br />
IF All of the Safeties above are in Place for the Students Well being.. And Or Emotional Well Being.. Remember Here.. There is a deference between a Spanking and a Battering.. And a Fine line between the both of them,. Spankings don’t cause TRAUMA.. But a Battering Will .

Well I was all for spanking until my son came home from school with black and blue marks so severe I had to take him to the doctor and he had to sleep in the recliner on his side. The marks that vice principal left on him were were 10 inches black and blue with blood spots!!! I have pressed charges on this man and will see him in court!!

You are a real dumb ***... <br />
I am not pissed off I or my kids were never BEATEN<br />
so ppl are just so STEWPID and if the shoe fits put it on and walk away

re: My kids and myself got spanked when I was in school. <br />
>>> Is this why you are sooooooo ANGY now and resent that others are not getting abused like you and your kids were abused???? Don't resent that others are not "getting what they deserve" - resent the dirty beasts that abused you and your children!<br />
re: Just look at kids today they get away with every thing becauce parents are told to not spank or do this or do that.<br />
>> Does it just break your heart that you were beaten up and here's all these kids getting away with sh*t? Is it possible that both the older and the newer generation were and are being raised WRONG? Is it possible there is a middle ground that very few parents can be bothered to learn and use to raise kids WITHOUT violence or indulgence? <br />
Sorry you are so pissed off that others are getting away with what you and your kids were BEATEN for but maybe it's slowly swinging in the direction of CORRECT and SANE child training.<br />
These folks have it right..........http://www.positivediscipline.com/

Ok spanking a child is not abuse. Abuse is when you hit a child a big difference... My kids and myself got spanked when I was in school. Just look at kids today they get away with every thing becauce parents are told to not spank or do this or do that. Well PHUCK this new crap cause thats what is wrong with this world today. You give your kid the car the damn cell phone when they are what in 3rd grade.. give me a friggen break. <br />
Make your child be Responsible for their actions.

re: UPDATE ON March 23, 2011.... since this story has been in such debate, I decided I would give you the perspective of a CHILD'S feelings about punishment consisting of Spankings. Almost two weeks ago, I grounded my Daughter from her phone ( her grounding time is almost up) as punishment for sneaking away from a teen-hangout joint, and missing her curfew by an hour! She also disobeyed by riding in a car full of kids, after me telling her ONLY to ride with the adult that was supposed to deliver all the kids home at curfew. <br />
>> Whew! Seems like there is a real big gap in the trust, respect and communications between you and your child! I'd recommend you learn about Positive Discipline:<br />
http://www.positivediscipline.com/<br />
<br />
SO... we are on week two of her having no phone to talk or text. She informed me the other night... " I WOULD RATHER TAKE A SPANKING AND HAVE THE PUNISHMENT IMMEDIATELY OVER, THAN TO GO ANOTHER NIGHT WITHOUT MY PHONE!" <br />
>> What was your response?<br />
<br />
So, to anyone that believes spanking is an abuse.... here's a kid that would rather be "abused" than be "civilly" grounded!<br />
>> Or whatever works for both of you! In any case, I'd imagine training your kid to do what's right BECAUSE IT'S RIGHT should be your parental goal - not just achieving OBEDIENCE!

In case you are interested: <br />
From: http://store.positivediscipline.com/Child-Discipline-To-Punish-or-Not_b_16.html<br />
<br />
TO PUNISH OR NOT?<br />
What do you think of when you hear the word “discipline”? Most people think of punishment. I invite you to think a little deeper starting with the exploration of the long-term results of punishment.When children are punished they do not learn self-discipline. Punishment provides “external” motivation. Self-discipline requires “inner” motivation. When children are punished they either comply to avoid the punishment (and may become approval junkies), or they may get sneaky and do all they can to avoid getting caught. They may they blatantly rebel—resulting in endless power-struggles with their parents. Then parents complain about the behavior of their children without taking responsibility for their part—how they invited the power struggles by using ineffective discipline methods (punishment).Positive Discipline does not advocate any form of punishment—no punitive time-out or grounding, no withdrawal of privileges, no yelling, no lectures, no threatening, no spanking, no rewards, no praise.At this point you may be wondering two things, “What else is there?”, and, “Wait a minute; praise and rewards aren’t punishment.” Praise and rewards are not punishment but they are external motivators, which do not teach self-discipline, self-control, and the desire to make a contribution ba<x>sed on inner motivation.In answer to what else is there; that is what Positive Discipline is all about

Yes I agree with everything u have said. Why do so many people want to regress? We're not animals, we're supposed to be teaching children to be civilized but I think hitting just teaches fear. While many don't like the idea of a "democratic family", studies have proven that authoritarian parenting styles is the LEAST effective with children. Therefore, those that say " children should be seen and not heard" and are extremely strict usually have the opposite effect on their children's behavior. In my psychology classes, I've learned about the various types of parenting, and authoritative parents, which are those that enforce rules, yet can be open-minded and loving, have the most positive effect on behavior.
And in regards to a nation of spankers, I think the US is. There are many countries where spanking is illegal and child abuse statistics are nowhere near like those in the US

To whom it may concern:<br />
<br />
Taken for: http://www.thedickinsonpress.com/event/article/id/46198/group/Opinion/<br />
<br />
Among the many acts of violence, great and small, that we commit regularly against each other and against animals, I wonder if we’ll ever dispense with one of the most common: hitting children.<br />
We call this “spanking,” but the term is used to describe a variety of practices that range from a mild open-handed pat on the bottom to a vigorous session with a coat hanger. At some point spanking shades over into abuse, but the precise point is too indistinct for many parents. If there are responsible ways to spank, many parents, in their anger, are incapable of practicing them.<br />
All spanking shares several characteristics: it always involves the ex<x>pression of authority of one person over another, it always inflicts pain and the vast majority of the time it is administered in anger, or at least frustration. Essentially, it’s always one person hitting another.<br />
Hit your wife and you could be arrested; you’re much freer to hit your child.<br />
Schools used to be a place where a child regularly ran the risk of being hit by an adult. According to the Center for Effective Discipline, twenty states — nearly all in the South, Southwest, and Midwest — still permit corporal punishment in schools, but the trend is in the right direction. And we no longer permit beating or caning of criminals, a method of punishment still practiced in some countries.<br />
In fact, the only members of our society who can be hit with impunity, outside of a boxing ring or hockey rink, are children — the citizens with the least capacity to defend themselves.<br />
And we appear to be a nation of committed spankers. Occasionally this subject comes up among my students: anecdotally, most of them grew up being spanked and, by god, they mean to spank their own children. Spanking often has that hereditary quality.<br />
But a careful examination of the motivations and conditions under which we hit our children might reveal that, like capital punishment, we do it more for ourselves than to achieve some goal. In fact, for many people, it’s just “payback” for what they got when they were kids.<br />
In fact, mostly, I suspect, we hit children simply because we can.<br />
<br />
There is more in the article if you care to read it and learn something.

emerald:<br />
re: People that have been ABUSED or BEATEN usually don't agree with spankings. <br />
>> I was physically abused by parents, teachers and some other adults. It's not that I 'disagree' with spanking. I disagree with the PURPOSE of such violence. Although none of you Spankers will ever admit it, I firmly believe your #1 purpose is to satisfy your self first and then pretend that you have achieved some noble goal by creating obedient (fearful) children! The thing us "abuse victims" know for sure is that abuse, violence, spanking, paddling DOES NOT produce better behavior - just better "faking it" to please the hitters.<br />
<br />
I get that. [I don't believe you do!] But they also don't get that there's a difference between a spanking and a Beating. <br />
>> They are precisely the same thing! A beating can be as mild as a spanking and a spanking can be as destructive as a beating - - - - depending on the style and intent of the ABUSER or the SENSITIVITY of the helpless little victim! Not that any of that would matter to a confirmed hitter!<br />
<br />
But the "beating" parent didn't understand that line, either.<br />
>> LOL and the sweet, innocent, "NICE" spanking parent does????? Give me a break!<br />
<br />
I feel sorry that this difference can't be determined. <br />
>> Feel sorry for the victims of these beater/abusers IF YOU CAN. The "difference" can be determine by a doctor or examining nurse or even an interested and conscious hitter!<br />
<br />
No one... kid, adult, woman, or even man... should be BEATEN by anyone! <br />
>> LOL, LOL, but anyone, kid, adult, woman, man can and should be SPANKED whenever a hitter determines that they DESERVE to be! I assume anyone with half a brain can see how idiotic this logic/denial is and what damage "kindly, pleasant, harmless, little ol' school paddlings" are doing!<br />
I offer this to anyone interested:<br />
http://www.unlimitedjustice.com/<br />
Jim

Ahhh, CC... what a fine way to twist my words. My daughter was one of those that spankings DID accomplish making her behave for quite some time. HOwever, due to her age and being female, I do NOT spank her, but rather take away privilages. I did NOT give her a CHOICE on punishment. Spanking or grounding WAS NOT a given option. It was the grounding... period. SHE SAID she would rather have a spanking. That IS NOT what happened or given a choice to pick from. She was comparing a QUICK (albeit effective on her) punishment VS a slow punishment of phone denial. <br />
I'm really shocked that noone yet has said grounding is a MENTAL ABUSE, and not acceptable either.<br />
HOwever CC... I totally disagree with zombie-fying kids on correction meds, too. THat's why my son is on a natural med for the ADHD and a natural mood stabilizer. My kid still has his "*****"! Oh yes he do!! LOL. And I too prefer him with THAT over being a robot.

Emerald, <br />
<br />
I have read, and reread your posting..and the comments made.<br />
<br />
Your last statement proves my point..a child that would rather than take a spanking than go a night without her phone.. a kid who would rather be abused than ..civilly grounded..What choice? Parents should not provide a ..choice, to a child, when being reprimanded, or punished..You DIRECT them, civilly, and cordially. Not shrilly, and with rage..I can see why your child responds with that answer, and how you can use it in your response, is not my cup of tea. It is downright pathetic. <br />
<br />
The world is in the sad state of affairs, because parents like you, encourage pain, and suffering, and your children will do as you did, and I weep for all of you. <br />
<br />
Chipperchick;(

Emerald, <br />
<br />
Yes, you have a different approach than I do..I am not criticizing, or chastising anyone in this group. <br />
<br />
I have witnessed those public displays of punishment on others, as a child in the public school system, albeit in the 50's and 60's..<br />
<br />
It did not discourage any behavior that was unacceptable..For the most part, children whose parents already used physical forms of punishment, were the ones, abusing the rules, and, they scoffed at it..You were able to trade a detention session, for a paddling..1 day, 1 swat..did they learn anything? No.<br />
<br />
I believe that an infliction of pain upon anything, is not required..<br />
<br />
I too worked in Emergency rooms, and there also cared for too many children, the wreckage of parents whose hands got out of control, perhaps caused by their own past abuse..?<br />
<br />
I am not saying that YOU, or anyone else here abuses their children..<br />
<br />
I have 4 children, one has Tourettes Syndrome, another ADD. I know what difficulties are. I stopped medicating, when they turned into zombies, but,hey, that's me..I do so prefer a little *****, than the walking dead. { in my situation only..many are helped,not mine}<br />
<br />
Parenting is not an easy task, and, I do not recommend it to many..but, it has brought me my finest hours.<br />
<br />
The techniques I use are universal..not unique, and extremely simple. <br />
<br />
I speak to the child as if they comprehend, and , gee, they do respond..the change in a voice tone.. I never even scream. <br />
<br />
Words, of course, the very young do not understand. But, one day, they will remember, and , in kind, repeat those words to me..and my heart swells up with pride.<br />
<br />
I sit with my friends, who were spanked as a child..their anger towards their parents, i understand. My ex=sister-in-law and her siblings, could not wait until their abusive mother died so they could get her money..<br />
<br />
that's all.<br />
<br />
chipperchick;)<br />
<br />
This does not sound like my wording..I am using tact., and attempting to be quite clinical.Not emotional. this is how many children should be spoken to, especially when they misbehave. try it..it might work. wanna bet?

I find it interesting that many of the negative posts here take the time to disect what is said or just simply say that spanking is not the answer while supplying no answers of their own. It is not an easy topic and what works great for one child doesn't necessarily work for another. I also find it disturbing that anyone sees a quick smack to the bottom and a beating as the same thing. Something is going on in the heads of these people I think.

LOL. NIce title at the end, CC. And I'm not offended when a parent opts to NOT use my methods. Although, in the SCHOOL'S defense... they only use paddlings with the parents ok. Or anyways... any parent that signs the note at beginning of year stating they DON'T want child punished this way. Otherwise, they use whatever means they see neccessary to fit the punishment with the crime, so to speak.

I am most happy that my mother did not follow your path.<br />
<br />
I would never send any of my children to a school that inflicted this type of punishment on my child, or any other child.<br />
<br />
ChipperchickThanksYouForSharingATotallyDiffeentApproachThanHowSheraisedHerChildren!!!

LOL. Amy... spit it out, girl! I didn't ask to be sarcastic or defensive. I simply want to know where your thoughts are going with this. If you mean: Do I think of spankings when my kids do something wrong... the answer is NO. Believe it or not I try to reason with them at first, if what they are doing is not an immediate threat to their safety or someone else's. My SON taught me this! He always asks: WHY can't I do this? WHy am I not allowed to do that?" As he's getting older, and reasons for himself.... sometimes he quits the wrong when I explain why it's not good, and might even be remorseful, and we just drop the subject with no further problem. Or if it's the first time he's done something that he shouldn't do, even when he KNOWS he shouldn't have... we will talk about why he shouldn't do it, and that next time he will have to be punished with grounding, time off from toys or videos, or even a spanking... if it's severe enough situation to warrant . But NO, spanking is not my immediate first response or action.

i MySelf was Raised By A Strict Mother in the 1950s . Spankings did me no Lasting Harm . in my teenager years My used A Cane Like the ones at The CatholicSchool i went to Used . davidmaher48@gmail.com

idk..nevermind..i was just thinking..<br />
i wish u best for u n ur family too.hugs

HIya Mother! :D <br />
I don't understand what you're asking, Amy. SPankings are not always on my mind. I'm too busy with other things going on with me and my children. Specifically, what are you asking?

I know it can be difficult to control unruly children at the best of times, one with ADHD or ODD would make it doubly or trebly difficult I'd imagine. I do feel for you and how frustrating it can probably be. I wish you well to raise your kids the best you can, as we all have to. ((hugs))

what would u do if the word ''spanking'' never was on ur mind,emerald?

Hi

LOL, Yo WB and Nixxon... I'm right here! Can I join the discussion?? ;D Kidding! <br />
Absolutely, there is no physical abuse going on between me and my hubby, nor parents to kid... IMHO. When my son gets overly unruly to point of not listening to me... hubby steps in and gets son to listen to him, AND will add on that he (son) needs to listen to ME and do as I say. Some days, the tag-team system is the only effective way to get through to son! I don't mean tag team as in we each spank our son. I mean joint-effort in settling him down and making him mind. Any parent that has an ADHD child or ODD child knows these kids sometimes have moods, anger, and bounce like emotional yo-yos that are harder to deal with, get under control, and help manage. Mine is one of them. Where one child might listen to a parent when they say, "NO, please don't do that", another child has to be shown why. And sometimes a 5 minute time-out on the couch doesn't SHOW my son why he didn't need to "do that". And let me STRESS one more time... spankings ARE NOT the only means that should be used, or even tried first!

@nixxon - I wasn't suggesting for a moment that there is any spousal abuse in emerald's life - I was just pointing out that behaviour is learned and children will imitate their parents.

Well..Jim<br />
Out fear and respect. Not "HUMILIATION"

This is such an emotive subject ... and rightly so ... I'm certainly not attacking you Emerald for your beliefs about this (and I hope you do realise that). We are each responsible for parenting in our own way and responsible for our own children and I would not assume the right to tell someone else how to tackle such a delicate task. It's just the issue of setting an example which bothers me about it. I believe it's a well documented statistic that boys who witness their father's beating their mothers often go on to be abusers themselves ... i.e. learned behaviour being carried through generations. I believe that children learn from seeing how their parents treat others, I just wouldn't want my child to think it was acceptable to hit anyone else.

Well, i'm not against physical punishment but spanking isn't good at all in my opinion.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
I mean i know families who allow spanking and those who don't allow spanking and they have kids of all kinds. "behaved" ones and "bad" ones.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
There are many physical and mental means of controlling kids but it all boils down to the parents wisdom and ego.. aaand the childs conformity.

Spanking is not the answer, the problem is usualy parents guiding the kids wrong! there ARE other more efective punishments than parental violence, next time u have the urge to spank do it to ur hubby or wife x it may even be fun x hope the kids get back in check . taking the ps4 away would be more efective !

Spanking is not "violence". Look at how horribly behaved the generations of children who didn't get spanked are. Each generation gets progressively worse. They do whatever they want to do and think the world revolves around them. They have no respect for their parents, no respect for their teachers, and no respect for one another because they know there will be no consequence for their bad behaviors.

AndrewPenney<br />
thanks for making the point that some kids are taught that "hitting' is OK and fun. I knew kids that actually enjoyed being hit by their parents and did not fear them or suffer from it. <br />
But you say you "couldn't do it". Why not? Why not do something that is FUN for both you and a child? What is the problem there? I'd think you would gladly and enthusiastically follow the lead of those other successful hitters. Please explain your preference for a non-violent relationship with a child.

AndrewPenney<br />
thanks for making the point that some kids are taught that "hitting' is OK and fun. I knew kids that actually enjoyed being hit by their parents and did not fear them or suffer from it. <br />
But you say you "couldn't do it". Why not? Why not do something that is FUN for both you and a child? What is the problem there? I'd think you would gladly and enthusiastically follow the lead of those other successful hitters. Please explain your preference for a non-violent relationship with a child.

emerald:<br />
LOL your ‘huffy’ reaction just shows us that something bothers you about your parenting otherwise you’d simply laugh off fools like me and go on your merry way! What is bugging you about your parenting?<br />
<br />
re: That must be why my kids come to me daily with smiles and jokes to share, hugs and bedtime kisses, and seek me out in play and advice. <br />
>> If this is all true, it would appear that you have parented more good than bad. It all comes down to percentages: Is someone’s parenting more good than bad, more loving than unloving, more respectful than disrespectful, more kind than mean, more friendly than ABUSIVE? Some people do not do as well as you claim and some do even better.<br />
<br />
re: They don't cringe, or get quiet and give me wary or hate looks. Ah, but yes, I Must be an abusive failure! ;)<br />
>> Only you and your kids know if you were a “failure”. I assume you must realize that not ALL parents are not like you claim to be and that child abuse can happen even with the best of intentions.<br />
<br />
SuperMother2010 on Mar 21st, 2011 at 8:38AM<br />
<br />
re: I never got a spanking in my life. If I did something wrong. My mother and father would raise their voices. I will behave.<br />
>> Do you behave out of respect or FEAR & HUMILIATON? <br />
<br />
re: Mother, I was typically a kid like you, too. But I can recall getting a hand-full of spankings over the coarse of my childhood. And they were all given for reason. And NONE were given excessively. I have great respect and admiration for both my parents. I suffered no ill effects.<br />
>> Which indicates that you had more good than bad experiences with your parents and were not psychologically damaged by physical abuse. Some people actually convince them self that hitting is GOOD attention and then go on to give and get that kind of (twisted) ATTENTION in adulthood. It’s pretty sick, IMO.<br />
<br />
Hmmm, according to Jimrich, Obama must be failure due to those spankings( O's admitted to) he got from his mama and grandma during childhood! ;) And half the other national and world leaders, and people in "the spot light". I guess half the world is **** ups either through their "failing" parents or their OWN failed skilled! Wonder if Charlie Sheen ever got spanked?! MAybe that's his trama now! ;D<br />
>> All you are saying is that some folks received better than worse parenting! If some victims turned out OK, they must have been treated better than worse - isn’t that obvious? If Obama or whoever felt loved, respected and appreciated in childhood, isn’t that enough? No one’s life and/or parenting is PERFECT so how about GOOD ENOUGH?<br />
<br />
nixxon on Mar 21st, 2011 at 9:09AM<br />
Dear Ms emerald, pls don't pay much attention to this adamant anti-spanker. At least, it's nice that we have democracy and everybody can freely express hic/her own views. <br />
>> LOL - not the helpless, dependent and defenseless child victims!<br />
<br />
As for me, I respect you and your methods. If it works so well in your case (in a different family with a different mother and different children it may work worse -- all families are different),<br />
>> No kidding! I'd think virtually all parents are beyond question and accountability according to you SPANKERS.<br />
please go on doing it. Two days ago my Mistress gf belted me and I respect and love her very much.<br />
>> Thank you for making my point that some victims of spanking, belting, etc. actually enjoyed and wanted that kind of attention (better to have painful attention than NONE AT ALL) and then you/they go on to CRAVING more physical abuse (LOVE) in adulthood. I find it to be a little sick but if consenting adults want to be abused (as if it's some kind of LOVE) , why not?<br />
<br />
basspla<x>yer on Mar 21st, 2011 at 9:26AM <br />
My best friend and his wife decided they would not spank their children because they didn't want to "teach" them to hit. Guess what? They learned to hit all on their own. They hit each other, they hit their parents, they hit whenever they didn't get their way. They trashed their apartment all the while being told "no, don't do that please". <br />
>> This is a perfect example of “too little” discipline! The kids noticed that hitting got some attention from their otherwise NEGLIGENT and INATTENTIVE parents. Once the kids realized hitting would get them the attention they needed and wanted and there was no counter response from their INATTENTIVE parents, they just went with what works and things got ever worse (though better for the kids). It’s the classic model of “too little control” = run away kids (and pets) verses “too much control”=intimidated, terrified, depressed, FRIGHTENED kids who look real “good & obedient” but are becoming made mentally ill.<br />
<br />
They couldn't leave anything out because the kids would destroy everything.<br />
>> You mean they couldn’t leave anything out BECAUSE they couldn’t be bothered to LEARN HOW to teach their kids better behavior! They had STUPIDLY swung to the other extreme of no control (NEGLECT) instead of over control (hitting)!<br />
<br />
I remember visiting one day when the girl decided she was going to draw all over daddys stereo with a sharpie. After being made to sit in a "naughty chair" she promptly drew all over the wall too. I just couldn't imagine living like this. Even small children need rules and if you don't follow up you will virtually be living in a prison in your own home because they will freely assert their own little will.<br />
>> You just said it: Even small children (and pets) need rules! But that means parents and pet owners have to know what those rules are and how to TEACH them! <br />
<br />
I rarely spanked my children but once in a while I did when I felt it was necessary.<br />
>> Necessary for who? YOU?!?<br />
<br />
I never had to put nick nacks away because I taught my kids not to touch things they shouldn't. Sometimes I would talk to them about it, sometimes I would move them onto other things that they could play with and once in a rare while they would get a swat. <br />
>> LOL when you just had to lash out since being nice and respectful was not satisfying enough for you.<br />
<br />
I never had to put locks on my cabinets and drawers either. If you don't start teaching your children rules by 1 to 1-1/2 by the time they hit 2 you are screwed. <br />
>> That's for sure! You just used the magic word=teaching. Did you find that they performed better when feeling respect for you or FEAR of you?<br />
<br />
I've seen so many parents that seem oblivious that the children are running them not the other way around. A 1-1/2 year old can understand a lot of things. <br />
>> Yes, they "understand" what works and they get that from their own parents through observation, parental role modeling and many other subtle yet affective ways and then the kids just do what they have learned and been taught by their parents and later on other folks. Very good points and I’d add that swatting, hitting, intimidating and over powering a defenseless child is also evidence of flaws and ignorance in the hitter! An intelligent, LOVING parent would FIND ways to teach and model good, responsible behavior WITHOUT VIOLENCE or their own need to get instant gratification and vent frustration on the helpless victim or whatever the emotional needs of the hitters.<br />
It’s amazing that hitters never admit their own impulsive needs when lashing out and hitting the defenseless target of their anger, frustration and NEED for revenge but very quick to cover their tracks with LIES like: you deserved it, it’s for your own good, I love you but have to do this, I couldn't help it after what you did, I can’t reason with you, you're just a little brat, this is the only thing you will understand and ever so many other LIES to hide the fact that the hitter JUST HAS TO HIT and the child is a much safer target than another adult for the hitters ANGER/FRUSTRATION.<br />
I’d respect all of you SPANKERS more if you were at least honest about your motives and violent actions against your kids. And I’d respect those who let their kids run wild if they were honest about their ignorant and abusive NEGLECT of their kids. Both of you need to get honest about your "too much/too little" parenting and go find out how to do it right instead of arguing and fighting with those who disagree with your very bad parenting styles. You both produce bad products and someone has to speak up about it!<br />
google: parenting and learn something instead of fighting with me!

@ Womaninbliss - I agree with you 100%. I also do not believe in hitting children to make them behave the way I want. Violence is not the answer imo.

well...

*raises eyebrows*eh i have to say that if i had a kid i d never,never,never,never,never do that .<br />
when i see some mothers do that to their kids coz e.g they cry n dont stop cryin i want to get up n say things to them..there were times i heard the ''i don abuse them'' n others agreed but when i see or hear the action happening that moment i cant..n i hate especially the word ''discipline''<br />
i love u emerald but just said so..(not attacking u just felt sayin..)

Dalai Lama Yoda Of Nannies!! ROFLMBO! I like that!! I'd like a lesson or two. <br />
People that have been ABUSED or BEATEN usually don't agree with spankings. I get that. But they also don't get that there's a difference between a spanking and a Beating. But the "beating" parent didn't understand that line, either. I feel sorry that this difference can't be determined. No one... kid, adult, woman, or even man... should be BEATEN by anyone!

Thanks EM<br />
<br />
LOL.. I'm proud of that comment too.

Mother, I saw that attack made on your story. I also like how you stood up and blantantly told the person (NICELY) that you didn't like their attacking manner! :) Then I laughed my butt off when you defended Nev for being chunky due to liking beer! Hahahahahahaha! Go Nev! Go Mother! ;D

It's in Christian schools, WB because the bible also says: Spare the rod, spoil the child. ;)

An interesting story and thread Emerald ... I can't agree with you that spanking is justified ... I have never believed that any kind of violence (however mild) is a good lesson for a child i.e. to get someone to behave in the way you want them to behave you have to hit them. I understand the arguments, I've heard them all before, but I don't accept it on a very basic level. I also find it interesting that it's the religious schools ... regardless of which faith ... which are often the ones dealing out the physical punishment to children ... in the case of the Christian schools ... is that what Jesus meant by "suffer the children to come to me"?

LOL..<br />
<br />
See? I can cracking up jokes too. I need a laugh after some was attacking me on one of my stories. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Say-Who-Look-Better-In-A-Bikini-Neve-Or-Denise/1464278?comment-sort=oldest&n=30" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a>#comment_em<x>bed

Right on Emerald! <br />
I had my son in a Christian school from 4th to 9th grade and I had to sign a punishment agreement form to say it was ok for them to spank him if he misbehaves. First of all, I didn't worry about it because I know he's never miss behave (he only did that at home, hehehe!!) and secondly, if for some reason he did misbehave I'm completely fine with him being punished.

i'll take anything i can get em. i seriously doubt if they will become spankers themselves. hell my grandma would beat on me like a drum and hum all the while. who the hell came up with that? really. i have never spanked my kids, not once. now my wife yea she spanked them a couple of times.

ROFL, Mother!! Now that IS funny!! ;D

LOL.. Maybe he will be okay if he got spanked.

*Rolls eyes and snickers* PT, you and the other S&Ms on here are SO NOT helping me make my point! Now the non- spankers argue that using spankings on kids will turn them into sex spankers as adults! Wouldn't you much prefer a good rub-down anyways, dear??? ;) LOL

i wouldn't mind if you gave me a good spanking. maybe once a week just to reinforce that fact that i will get spanked. lol <br />
<br />
seriously yes i agree with you. let them spank them.

LOL, Mother. Actually, I was being sarcastic. If anything... Charlie got one too FEW spankings than he needed! And a few groundings for doing drugs! Geeeesh!

You bring up a good point Em about spanking for Charlie Sheen when he was a child.

LOL, Winking! Indeed, one grab was all it took, and she never touched another thing in OUR home again, without permission! ;) Oddly enough, she continued to terrorize the OTHER neighbors... but not us!

Yep. Childproofing your house means you aren't doing your job as far as I'm concerned. I had one locked cupboard that I kept all the dangerous cleaning supplies in. People that lock cupboards with pots and pans in it crack me up. What do they think parents did before the invention of locks and wall plug covers? It's an entire industry that exists to make up for crappy parenting. When I had just my two daughters some idiots would actually say, "Oh, you're lucky. It's easy because you have girls". Bull!!. My youngest daughter was the most determined I've ever seen. It took consistancy of parenting to get her to play with her toys instead of my glass top coffee table. I spent almost two hours one day just removing her each time she would want to bang on it and taking her to her toys instead. Finally down the road I also had a son so I could silence the remaining morons that think a child is born "good". Oh, and as well as being well behaved, my kids knew early on to say please and thank you and not to interupt an adult when they were speaking.

Thank You, Bassy! Me and Ma were talking about the very subjects you mentioned! SHe made those points, too. In fact, she said: Oh hell! Don't tell those people about the time I put the cactus on the table knowing that our grabby little neighbor would try to pick it up! Someone at EP will try to lynch me!" LMBO! Ma DID do this! The neighbor girl was about 6-7, and would walk into homes WITHOUT permission, and start picking people's stuff up around their homes. This got on ma's nerves!. Whelp, the lesson was learned on the first go! LOL. LIke you, Bass, Ma's philosophy was: houseproof the child; don't childproof the house! ;)

"You Made It - The 50's, 60's, 70's, and 80's Didn't Kill You"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4oxEcTMy5s

My best friend and his wife decided they would not spank their children because they didn't want to "teach" them to hit. Guess what? They learned to hit all on their own. They hit each other, they hit their parents, they hit whenever they didn't get their way. They trashed their apartment all the while being told "no, don't do that please". They couldn't leave anything out because the kids would destroy everything. I remember visiting one day when the girl decided she was going to draw all over daddys stereo with a sharpie. After being made to sit in a "naughty chair" she promptly drew all over the wall too. I just couldn't imagine living like this. Even small children need rules and if you don't follow up you will virtually be living in a prison in your own home because they will freely assert their own little will.<br />
<br />
I rarely spanked my children but once in a while I did when I felt it was necessary. I never had to put nick nacks away because I taught my kids not to touch things they shouldn't. Sometimes I would talk to them about it, sometimes I would move them onto other things that they could play with and once in a rare while they would get a swat. I never had to put locks on my cabinets and drawers either. If you don't start teaching your children rules by 1 to 1-1/2 by the time they hit 2 you are screwed. I've seen so many parents that seem oblivious that the children are running them not the other way around. A 1-1/2 year old can understand a lot of things.

Mother, I was typically a kid like you, too. But I can recall getting a hand-full of spankings over the coarse of my childhood. And they were all given for reason. And NONE were given excessively. I have great respect and admiration for both my parents. I suffered no ill effects. Hmmm, according to Jimrich, Obama must be failure due to those spankings( O's admitted to) he got from his mama and grandma during childhood! ;) And half the other national and world leaders, and people in "the spot light". I guess half the world is **** ups either through their "failing" parents or their OWN failed skilled! Wonder if Charlie Sheen ever got spanked?! MAybe that's his trama now! ;D

I never got a spanking in my life. If I did something wrong. My mother and father would raise their voices. I will behave.

NIce... I'm a physically VIOLENT failure! Interresting! That must be why my kids come to me daily with smiles and jokes to share, hugs and bedtime kisses, and seek me out in play and advice. Yes, it must be all that parental Failure and Violence that DOESN'T seem to be effective in shrinking my kids from me! They don't cringe, or get quiet and give me wary or hate looks. Ah, but yes, I Must be an abusive failure! ;)

re: If people can't see that spanking can be used constructively, then perhaps they should live where the punishment is CANING or "eye for an eye-tooth for a tooth" punishment! Spanking and paddling seem MILD when you think of those options!<br />
>> LOL, mild but still MEAN, IGNORANT, INEFFECTIVE and BAD! All forms of physical violence are wrong, bad and only please the beaters. <br />
<br />
re: she used to throw herself on the floor when she watned something and wasn't given it. she would hit her head on the floor on purpose and cry!!! that's throwing a tantrum.<br />
>> And it is and was your responsibility to fix and correct that right from the beginning, not let it go on until you finally had to resort to violence to curb her behavior. If you had been a more loving and attentive parent, she might not have NEEDED to do such things to get your attention and aid!<br />
<br />
All of you spank and inflict pain because you have miserably FAILED your kids in early childhood through ignorance or neglect and were forced to resort to intimidating and painful methods to get your neglected and mis-trained kids under control. You, not them, are the wrong ones and using pain and intimidation to correct YOUR MISTAKES is both cruel and abusive. It's not love! You blew the chance to love your kids and as they grew older and became more difficult, you once again blew the chance to love them by now punishing them for YOUR OWN STUPID FAILURES!!!!<br />
When your kids act up and act out, they are trying to say: MOM, DAD - PLEASE LOVE AND ACCEPT ME!!! but you don't know how and so you turn on them with your abusive intimidation and then tell all of us you love them and how wonderfully you have put them in their place and broken their spirits - such nice little FRIGHTENED and passively intimidated kids!<br />
Sure you have all mastered the art of spanking and inflicting pain but have you ever considered giving your kids the love and respect they really do deserve and need from you? OK, I get it - you don't have it to give - just punishment and violent retaliation!!!<br />
TOO BAD...........

Cryingout... you TOTALLY hit the head of the nail with that last statement!!! :)<br />
And I completely agree with the student suspension thing too. THis is where parental/school cooperation is needed to figure out what influences the kid best to want to behave in school. And taking a kid out of school for days or weeks who wants to quit school in the first place.... isn't constructively dealing with the matter. This just shows laziness on all the adults involved!

Honestly, I've been to some really god awful schools with some very disrespectful students, that disrupted class a lot. In those cases I feel like there should have been punishment that actually worked. Suspension and whatnot does not work for kids who hate school to begin with. BUT I am a very good student who genuinely cares about my education and has holds those who provide that education with great respect, and I know that many biased teachers would abuse that authority, which would just make me lose all respect for them and cause more problems. Spanking only works when you know that the authority figure cares about you, and is doing it to really help you, and not just assert unearned dominance.

Dear ex-principal... indeedy, the Boy got into trouble AGAIN when he got home. I told him the next time he was paddled at school, he could expect another at home for causing enough problems at school to warrent the paddling in the first place. Although, THIS new school year, we are expanding our discipline to broader areas. We've discovered that taking away rewards of visiting public places or going to friends' and familys' homes, seems to make a longer lasting impression on his attitude than an immediate paddling for misbehaving. Taking away priviledges just seems the more sensible thing to do as he gets older if the longer bouts of possitive behavior continues. :)<br />
Force, thanks for sharing your opinion. :)

I think spanking is appropiate for all ages. I mean from about 5 years old to 18 or 19 years old.

Curry, that is sad about the strap. 1. that wasn't a spanking. 2. IMHO, 100 strikes of ANYTHING with ANYthing constitutes ABUSE!

As a child my sister and I were regularly spanked if we misbehaved. My sister reacted to being spanked by immediately bursting into floods of tears and begging for forgiveness. Meanwhile I, a boy, reacted to being spanked by taking it all in silence as if it meant nothing to me. This attitude of course annoyed my father which provoked him into further violence which I met with silence.<br />
We acted like two defiant bulls. Neither wanted to show a weakness.<br />
When I was 14 years old I realised that I was actually enjoying being spanked. There were times when I would provoke my father so that he spanked me. Unfortunately I don't think that he ever realised I had turned it into a game. <br />
Now, over forty years later, I remember my father by using a leather strap across my own hand. 100 straps on my right hand followed by 100 on my left hand.<br />
Thanks Dad

Hi emerald<br />
<br />
I am glad to see your point of view and the matter regarding the female menstrual cycle, it was another matter that was perplexing and concerned me. I would never smack or spank my daughter when she was in her monthly cycle, I knew it was not right and she would always be in some pain or discomfort anyway. I tried to understand her mood swings and made allowances.<br />
<br />
If I forgot what the date was and I was about to punish her, then my wife would stop me and wink and I knew what she meant. I must say I tended to give my daughter a hug instead.<br />
<br />
It seems though that schools in the main do not respect that condition and in one article it was written that if schools did not punish in a physical way just because of the females condition then it was unfair on the boys. I guess there is some justification for saying that. <br />
<br />
The answer of course is that the punishment is postponed even if the student wants to get it over with there and then. It should be denied and the student will need to wait. Now of course that means that the student has to adnit to their current medical condition which they may not wish to do. . But here again a waiver can be made if the student when being asked about any medical condition that could stop the paddling does not reveal that fact., they sign a form declaring that. The school can then honestlly say they were not aware of the students condition.<br />
<br />
I think there should be clear medical guidlines about that, however sadly there are not. A principal was interviewed on this very subject who tried to walk away when being asked questions about the schools policy on female punishment during their menstrual cycle.. When the interviewer asked a direct question :- "do you paddle or spank your own daughter in her period" he just smiled and walked away. That is not the sort of person who should be in charge of refuse collection let alone a school of children / teenagers. Obviously he did not care about a females dignity or stomach pains. I hate to use the word sexist because I am a male, but this person has no clue.<br />
<br />
It is interesting that not one complaint (or so it seems), backed up by medical eveidence has been accepted in any court., The courts and the school board will always back the school or the person who administers the paddling. This is amazaing because some of the bruising has been so severe.<br />
<br />
I am sorry to harp on about this but I read that in most schools the student does have the choice and yet when asked most said they were never given the choice. In one instance a child was restrained by 2 assistants while the principal hit the child 12 times with a paddle this of cause created massive bruising and traumatising the child<br />
<br />
It is curious that most of the rules say that a child or student can not be held down and a maximum of 6 whacks can be given. Again this case brought by the parent was thrown out by the schoolo board and the court.. Something must be wrong somewhere !!!!!<br />
<br />
Those are the reasons why in some schools paddling should not be the only option. The student should have the choice and if they want to spend their own time in detention (as I did in the UK) then that is an option for the child.<br />
<br />
For those that may not know, the UK schoool I went to had the cane but it was rarely used in the 5 years I was there, maybe twice and there were 600 pupils. The thought of the cane was enough and detention did work.<br />
<br />
I know " kids" (as we now call them - not children) are not the same as in my day or perhaps yours. That is probably our own fault or my generation's fault by joining the swinging 60's. We threw away some of our parents guidlines and now we are all paying for it.<br />
<br />
Hope I have not bored you all.

I tototally agree, Bottomly. And to your example of the 16 yr. old pregnant gal getting a paddling... I think that's absolutely WRONG. First, because of the pregnancy. Plus I'm thinking, ANY kid of that age should be repremanded in a different way than a spanking. And especially where girls are concerned, I follow my mothers' old rule.... when a gal hits menstrual age, no whacking the rump in an agressive manner! In fact, when I spoke of spanking my daughter, I was meaning in past reference. I no longer spank her bottom as she reached menstruation this past year. Grounding her from her social life has been a worse punishment than if I HAD spanked her! lol. But my aunt was paddled so hard at school one time, that it left bruises, and concerns during her next monthly cycle, as she had difficulties during that time anyways. No way will I risk that sort of thing on my daughter at this time or in the future.

I was spanked for many years after I reached menstruation. And yes, it was embarrassing! But I don't see that as a reason/time to stop spanking as long as it's not causing bruises/injuries/welts.

I came across an article where a pregnant girl of 16 was paddled against her wishes. She explained that she was 5 months pregnant and was clearly showing how far her pregnancy was. The female teacher still paddled her even though she protested because of her condition. There are many stories like that which must be a worry to most perople.<br />
<br />
I spanked my own daughter when needed and it was never too hard or left bruising. <br />
<br />
I did notice a comment on the net where a case was brought by a parent because of severe bruising (which required hospital treatment) ,the judge threw the case out on the basis that a paddling is meant to hurt and the case was dismissed. I am not sure too many would agree with that judgement. Yes it is meant to hurt but severe bruising is abuse. A parent doing that would have their child removed.<br />
<br />
However if a mild whack helps to keep order then I agree, but not if the child is severly bruised as a result of an over zealous principal or a huge sports coach as often tends to be the case when someone is needed to wallop a child in the school.<br />
<br />
For some kids a mild whack does 2 things, it is a reminder that they are not too old to have their Bottom Whacked and secondly the mere act of bending over in front of a teacher or principal is enough to make them think how stupid they have been, that is the essence of the paddle so they realise they have been very silly. Kids do not always have to be beaten to realise that.

If you are the head or headess (!!!) of a family which uses spanking, the belt, or the cane, then the kid doesn't have to have it explained WHY he was caned, spanked, etc. HE ALREADY KNOWS! Don't go rubbing salt or iodine into the wound, it will just make it worse!<br />
Don't send him to his bedroom, or the garden, or anywhere else. Punish him, then leave it. If he feels he HAS to go to be by himself, that's should be his decision.

My only input would be that I would prefer not to hand the option to another adult. I have no way of knowing how hard it would be done and what distress my child would be in. Also I would be interested to know if you aware before it was going to happen or was briefed after.<br />
<br />
I have read stories from the American South where young children are beaten quite a bit for not doing their work so well in the class. This is of course in the Bible belt where they freely admit it helps their learning capacity. One child wrote she was beaten because she did not do her maths so well. Another was beaten because the grades in the school exam were lower than the principal and teacher expected of the child. Both suffered bruising and these were young children. These are reasons why a guardian should never have that power.<br />
<br />
In your case if you are comfortable with someone else spanking or paddling your child then I would not and could not argue against your choice. As the parent you and only you can make that decision. You are the parent and as such are responsible for the well being and the good upbringing (where possible) of your child. From your text you are obviously well adjusted and intelligent parent. I would hazard a guess that your offspring will follow you in that as they get older.<br />
<br />
It seems to me that your prefernce is based on the knowledge that it is a couple of whacks which only sting and would not cause a youngster distress.

PD thank you for your input on this. I figured someone would disagree with my story LONG BEFORE now! lol. First, two swats over clothes, not hard but felt..... HOW can anyone call that SEXUAL abuse?? " THe Principal touched my butt inappropriately" just sounds like an excuse here for kids to use. Secondly, many of the books you listed are Psychological "effects" of spanking. The bottom line is: Spanking physically stings, and that hurts the kids' feelings. So what?! The intention is to cause it to reverse bad behavior. I'm NOT talking about BEATING a child. And that's WHY proffessional have had to step in and try to ban corporal punishment. Because of the loose-tempered, lash out parents that keep HITTING and BEATING and in general go overboard with the intentions of what a spanking is about. <br />
As I CLEARLY stated.... spanking is NOT the most effective way for some or even most kids. THere are alternatives. And I WOULD NOT use it as an only source. But I'm not telling the kid he's getting "time out" 50 times, and having the child NOT feel like being obediant because he/she ISN'T feeling in the "mood" to be obedient. And when you keep ONLY taking away rights such as tv time, or a favorite toy... they learn to find something new to occupy their time for the duration of their "in trouble time". What have they learned then? They learn to OUTLAST the parents by finding other means of fun. It becomes no punishment at all. I've done it MYSELF as a kid under punishment of "GROUNDING"! I simply found things to do AROUND the grounding! It left me, the child, feeling SMUGGLY like I'd not really been punished at all! My spankings... were immediate, I felt it, and I KNEW why I was given the spanking! And then I was forgiven by the folks, and our lives carried on.