Be Still And ListenFor many years, I suffered an illness that caused horrible pain in the right side of my face and head. I went to countless doctors, neurologists, etc for a few years and was given numerous medications with bad side effects with no relief at all. I was about to give up when, as a last resort, I decided to visit an elderly doctor who after much deliberation, diagnosed me with cranial neuralgia. He prescribed many more medications and nothing would work except for narcotic pain relievers (lortab, percocet, etc.). He also had me take a nerve pill called clonazapam. I had never been a pill taker, but the relief from the pain was amazing! (By that point, the pain had gotten so bad it made me vomit several times daily). I thought, "Well, if this is what it takes to get through the day, then I guess it's what I gotta do."
Slowly I became less and less myself. I was snapping at people for no reason, always sad and irratible. My relationships were suffering. I continued to work through all of this by the way. After about a year of this, the pain meds became less effective. The pain was starting to take over again and now I was in constant pain, mental anguish, and not at all a nice person to be around. I ended up losing my job because I could no longer function. I was barely eating, I would stay in my bedroom for days at a time sometimes, not even wanting to take a shower. I lost thirty pounds in a very short time. Still taking the meds in hopes that they would start working again. I contemplated suicide often almost daily and even cut my wrist in despair.
One day, while I was laying in my room, crying in anguish and pain, I heard God talking to me. He told me to stop taking the medicine and be still and listen. Ive never been an overly religious person, but I knew that it was God. No doubt. I was like, "Okay God, but this is not gonna be easy!" So I did just that. I stopped taking the pain meds cold turkey and weined myself off of the nerve meds because there is a risk of seizure if not weined off. It was very difficult to do, but I knew that God was in control and it would be ok. During this time, I started reading the Holy Bible for the first time in my life and going to church.
It now has been almost a year with no meds other than advil or tylenol. I still have some pain occasionally, but it has never gotten back to the point it was when I was diagnosed. I know God has a plan for me. I dont claim to know what that plan is, but I sure am glad that I just sat still and listened. :)
kayblue 36-40, F 7 Responses 4 Sep 4, 2011