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Be Still And Listen

For many years, I suffered an illness that caused horrible pain in the right side of my face and head. I went to countless doctors, neurologists, etc for a few years and was given numerous medications with bad side effects with no relief at all. I was about to give up when, as a last resort, I decided to visit an elderly doctor who after much deliberation, diagnosed me with cranial neuralgia. He prescribed many more medications and nothing would work except for narcotic pain relievers (lortab, percocet, etc.). He also had me take a nerve pill called clonazapam. I had never been a pill taker, but the relief from the pain was amazing! (By that point, the pain had gotten so bad it made me vomit several times daily). I thought, "Well, if this is what it takes to get through the day, then I guess it's what I gotta do."
Slowly I became less and less myself. I was snapping at people for no reason, always sad and irratible. My relationships were suffering. I continued to work through all of this by the way. After about a year of this, the pain meds became less effective. The pain was starting to take over again and now I was in constant pain, mental anguish, and not at all a nice person to be around. I ended up losing my job because I could no longer function. I was barely eating, I would stay in my bedroom for days at a time sometimes, not even wanting to take a shower. I lost thirty pounds in a very short time. Still taking the meds in hopes that they would start working again. I contemplated suicide often almost daily and even cut my wrist in despair.
One day, while I was laying in my room, crying in anguish and pain, I heard God talking to me. He told me to stop taking the medicine and be still and listen. Ive never been an overly religious person, but I knew that it was God. No doubt. I was like, "Okay God, but this is not gonna be easy!" So I did just that. I stopped taking the pain meds cold turkey and weined myself off of the nerve meds because there is a risk of seizure if not weined off. It was very difficult to do, but I knew that God was in control and it would be ok. During this time, I started reading the Holy Bible for the first time in my life and going to church.
It now has been almost a year with no meds other than advil or tylenol. I still have some pain occasionally, but it has never gotten back to the point it was when I was diagnosed. I know God has a plan for me. I dont claim to know what that plan is, but I sure am glad that I just sat still and listened. :)

kayblue kayblue 36-40, F 7 Responses Sep 4, 2011

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Most important thing is that you realise the call from God, had you not such pain (which it sadenned me that u went thru) you might not have recognised God's voice.<br />
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Get well, remain well, you are a blessed child

thanks so much for your kind words to me. may God richly bless you.

your story is my food for thought this night. thanks for liking my comment. I have begun to think about my mother who suffering from pain...and is actually feeling very down lately...anything that you guys can advice me on this is welcome. <br />
hugz, meroli

Bless you and bless your faith and healing. We all have a sacred path, may yours always be well lit.

thank you, i hope your path is well lit as well my dear friend.

I BELIEVE in you. We don't change when we see the light, we only change when we feel the heat. Stay strong, I'm here for you. I want you to be happy,pain free, and content. That is my prayers for you.

thank you very much

Im glad things are looking up for you, i hope life stays peaceful for you. :)

sighhhhhhhh..........i m sorry about the pain and i can relate with u..!!! u know most of the time when i say i m in pain it just doesn't reach to my senses..........its like i have stopped been able to relate to it...i still sometime feel like its just a nightmare and i would be waking up any moment to realize its a bad dream.....<br />
i feel so very numb in my head that i hardly realize what i am doing....or saying......but i m better i m told then many people..........everyone says i have a strange and subtle energy within to combat this pain.....maybe they are right............there are people and there are dreams which keep me hooked and u are right my mother is a wise woman and a prime reason i still find this world a place where i wud love to live and laugh......!!! good to know u have a believe in god..........i have believe in the belief of people i love............and it works the same way....!!!!!!!

btw, got baptized in the gulf of mexico on fathers day this year. my daddy said that was the best fathers day present ever. ( I was a very bad child and gave him hell...:(..he kept praying for me though and was always in church)

Awh , I'm so sorry you went through that and are still probably dealing with certain aspects. It hit me hard because we've been talking so you have a place in my heart. Your an amazing strong woman. I respect your faith, its a beautiful thing. I can relate. I know exactly the feeling of starting drugs and the great feelings we get, but then that day comes where they arent working anymore. My god the fear I felt, I know exactly what your saying. I myself am currently on clonazapam, I've been on it for over 2 years. Good for you for coping without it. Its amazing how similar our experiences are. God bless and stay in touch. Hugs and Prayers!