All my life, I had tried reaching out for friendship, throwing my hand out there on the internet and in real life. Each time, I was either stabbed, hit, and bitten in the hand that I offered. I was really starting to believe that there was either something wrong with me or that the world had nothing to offer but mean people. :-(
So... I had attempted one LAST time to reach out and it was on EP. I stood on the edge of darkness and extended a hand, closed my eyes tight, and hoped like hell that I didn't lose fingers! :-o
And then, the most amazing thing happened... Hands grabbed mine! And attached to the hands were kind people, with smiles, and support! OMG! I was so shocked and I began typing wildly back to these people, my heart racing! I just was beside myself... someone had actually took the time to read my stories? And they understood them? And they wanted to be my friend??? WOW!
It was the first time in my life that people were nice and kind to me. And even now, I still giggle over it and have moments of amazement. :-D
So to me, internet friends are VERY real to me. I don't believe that a person on the other side of a computer is an robot. Even though it's text mostly and hardly a face or voice (unless I see them on Skype, then it's both a face and voice!), I know that there are real emotions there... a real person, living a real life. And no one can tell me any different! =p
My therapist tries to... She says the term "EP" as if it's some fake place and not important. And she sees my internet friends as temporary people, for me to bide my time on. WHAT??? She also says that I need "real friends" soon, ones I can see and talk to off the computer. I had tried to explain about my "real friends" I had off the net... they mainly didn't care about me and took me into dangerous places, where I was almost shot, because they thought hanging in bad neighborhoods was cool. Yes... these were adults, btw... :-/
So, I think I finally shut her up, by explaining that my two closest friends may be visiting me soon, in 2009. And I admit it, I sort of had a smirk of, "real enough for you?" on my face. XD
But whatever... I know my friends are real. And I'm real too! So now I'd like to stand by that edge of darkness, from the EP side, and wait for others to reach out... and when they do, they'll get my hand this time and my smile, letting them know that they're not alone! :-)