Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Do My Parents Have The Right To Tell Me Not To See Her?

I'm a 24 year old mmale who just started grad school about a month ago. In order to save on money, I decided to move back into my parent's house. It should be noted that my parents are very traditional, conservative Christians. Before I moved back home to starct school, I was living in a different state and developed a relationship with a great girl who I now love deepply. It's the first time either of us have been in love and the love we have is very stong for another.

Well, my parents approached me about a week or so ago and told me that I should break up with her because she is not a Christian (This was after she came over to me house and met my family and they liked her and acted nice towards her, etc). I immediately told me that I would not do so, because we cared about each too much and because we shared a connection that neither of us have had. She is not an atheist, she just hasn't devoted herself to one religion or another. The Bible states that Christians aren't to be "unequally yoked" with nonbelievers, and my parents are saying that since she isnt a Christian I shouldnt begin a relationship with her for there is apossiblity that it could lead to marriage, which is taken to be wrong when looking at the Bible.

The weekend after my parents gave me their suggestion, I went to visit her. There was an uproar amongst my older sisters (who don't like her for me because "they think" she's not the one for me), and of course, my parents weren't happy because she isn't a Christian.

We miss each other so much and it is so difficult to say goodbye whenever one of us leaves the other. We only live about 4 hours away and we would really like to see each other at least every 3 weeks. She has told me that she will wait however long it is till we can see each other, but I know that being apart is just as hard for her as it is for me. I want/need to see her again next weekend, but my concern is that I'm going to face even greater opposition from my family when I tell them; I'm afraid they'll flat out tell me "no" this time and prohibit me from going.

DO you think they have the right to prevent me from going to see my girlfriend who supports everything about me, even my faith? Afterall, I am, afterall 24, but then again I am living in their house again. If they tell me not to this time and I still go, I feel that it might cause further strain on my relationship.

i just don't know what to do. I don't know how to approach them and tell them that I want to go and I don't know how to handle their response if it's just a flatout no. If anybody has any suggestion or advice, or maybe has been in a similar situation, please don't hesitate to give input. Thanks!!
friday3v friday3v 22-25, M 4 Responses Sep 19, 2011

Your Response

Cancel

They can't tell you that you can't date this girl, and it's not very Christian of them. They may just push you away by acting this way in the end. Try to talk to them and explain that you love them very much, but that you love your girlfriend and you want to be with her, and that your happiness is important too. Why would God in all his wisdom guide you to find such a beautiful gift as the love you have this woman, just so that someone else can torture you by tearing you apart like this. How would they feel if it was her family saying that about you because you are Christian, they would say her family are discriminating against you. <br />
My father was an athiest and my Mum is a Christian, he always supported that she believed her christian religion, and she supported that he didn't. Her father didn't like my Dad, and as she said it is my life, I love him, either you accept that and be happy for me, or you be unhappy and see me less than I would like for us to see each other, because I will be with him. They got married as soon as she turned 21 years old, (which was the legal age back then) and had 5 children together and 50 years of happy marriage, and her father accepted it in the end. I am now in a long distance relationship with an athiest and I am a Christian, we support each other's belief's, and love each other very much. My sibling's don'y like it, and don;t think it can last, but no-one can tell me that I can't be with him.

What your parents and other family members are doing is in fact pushing you two MORE together to endure the opposition. You want to be open with them but instead you may end up becoming more secretive. Is this what they want? Ok, so she's not in the same religion as you are, and that may be important to them, but this is your life. You are an adult. <br />
<br />
Yes you are living in their house and you want to be respectful to them, open and honest, etc... but that doesn't mean that you have to tell them what your plans are when you decide to take a trip out of town, etc. They are giving you a place to live, does require you to divulge to them every aspect of your life? It's time to draw the line, especially if this is what you want, and realize that you don't need their permission nor asked for their permission to have this relationship. If they decide to kick you out, etc - then perhaps you can live with her and her family (if she is still at home) and transfer to a school there... if available.<br />
<br />
Stick to what you want, if this is indeed what you want and tell them - the last thing they would want to do is be responsible before God for pushing a potential worshipper out of having the chance or desire to worship him because of their opposition. <br />
<br />
and... I sooo wish my LDR was as close to me as yours is (we are over 9,000 miles apart)

No, they do not have the right to tell you who you can and cannot date. Just because she is not a Christian does not mean that she is immoral. I was raised and am still in a large Christian family, my husband was not raised to go to church but he does not oppose it. We were in a long distance relationship for 7 years and some of my family opposed because of our age, and the distance (US and Germany).<br />
<br />
To be "unequally yoked" refers to being with someone who denies you your right to worship God. We cannot force someone to get baptized and to believe what we believe. She accepts your religion and supports you. There is another verse that says that if a woman is yoked with a non-believer that as long as he does not prevent her from worshiping God it is okay, for her faith may encourage him to become a believer ( I can find you the verse if you want) and I would assume it works the same way for a Christan man and non-Christian woman.<br />
<br />
What your parents are doing (and sister) is not Christian like. They should welcome her and let her see how a accepting, loving and faithful a Christian home is. Rather than snooty, backstabbing, and fake. <br />
<br />
Be sure that if you stay with your girlfriend, do not blame her for the squabbles you may face with your parents. That will only lead to resentment.<br />
I wish you all the best in your decision and if you need to talk or have a question, feel free to email me.

what you have to keep in mind is that your the one who's dating her, so only your opinion of her matters. being in an ldr is hard enough without having people be critical or unsupportive, whenever i tell anyone about my ldr and ask for their input or whatever the conversation might be i always tell them that they can either be happy for be or go **** them selves because my girlfriend and i have enough problems already without someone adding onto it. as for talking to them i'd say just stick to what you want if they truly love you then they should allow you to be with someone who makes you happy regardless of who they are, what they look like or where they live, and even if they don't support it you won't be living there forever.<br />
hope i helped i know what a pain ldr's can be