But, I Wish I Had Told You & Wish I Was Ready For You

It hurts so much to think of you, I have so much that I wanted to say & never did, I was afraid I would lose you now it does not matter, the way you loved me I was certain that my day would come where we would re unite & I could tell you why I wasn't always what you wanted me to be & why I would leave unexpectedly, I never saw or dreamt of the love we had together, & I had issues that I was trying to get on top of, it wasn't just you that was unhappy with me it was me too, the hardest for me to live with is not telling you my problems that I was trying to get over if I was just able to tell you my feelings it may not have been so hard to get over you, how intense our love was right to the end led me to believe that " someday " you would come back & as time goes by & the months go by I thought life would get easier since I have no idea & you made it clear that you did not want to hear or see me ever again I find my feelings that I keep bottled up just gets worse everyday life's a little sader. I have a lot in life to concour but you not being there just makes it that much harder, knowing exactly what to say to you now does not make things easier, I found out that when I finally found my greatest love I took it for granted didn't even know it when I had it but became so clear as you where no longer mine, I know I cannot act on my feelings I have to let them " her " go but what if you can't & I am more bitter about life now than before because why couldn't she have told me why did she tell me she loved me the last night I saw her no arguing just a kiss on her head as I left & walked into the darkness.
somedayandoneday somedayandoneday
36-40, M
Jan 13, 2013