Waiting. Waiting for that time. Waiting for her.

I chose this. I chose all of this. From the moment I was born, from the very formation of the particles that made up my existence, this girl has been waiting for me.

In the midst of my tears she came out of the blue. It was a "poke" on Facebook. A poke that started a conversation that started a war. The deal was if she won the "poke war" I would have to buy her Starbucks. If I won, she would buy me ice cream.

That was the deal.

Of course, it was a tie. So we are going to do both.

She seems really interested in me and I really truly hope that she wants to go out with me. From what I learned about her, she is completely my type. She plays video games, loves the internet, and is not afraid to speak her mind.

It saddens me that the one I was hoping for doesn't seem to be the one... I feel bad for chasing after this new girl.

But honestly I've had enough of waiting. I've had enough of loneliness. I've had enough of sadness. I've had enough of crying. I've had enough of addictions. I've had enough of hormonal imbalances. I've had enough of pain. I've had enough of lying. I've had enough of doing stupid things. I've had enough of falling for the girls I can never be with.

I want this to end. Please, let it end.

Please let her be the one to end it. Please don't let me jinx it.

She is at camp now. She will be for the next few days. Waiting... Waiting...

When she returns... I don't know how to ask her. I don't know if she even likes me. It really seems like she does... But I could be wrong...

People suggest I find out through her friends. And I would love too... But it's embarrassing... And I need to be able to do this on my own for once.

But then again... I'd rather be embarrassed then lose her.

I don't even know if I like her. I don't even know if she's the one... I don't even know if I should still wait for the last one.

But I can't wait. I could never wait. So if fate wants me to fail, fate would be wrong. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for her to return. I'm waiting for the best opportunity to ask her. It will come. I can do this.

I pray that how I think she feels is how she actually feels. I pray that she likes me. I'm almost certain of it. But "almost" is sometimes not enough.

What am I doing? Why am I doing this? I hope that soon I will know what to do... That I will know what the right decision is.

Don't let me down... Don't let me down again. Please... Let me live.
SomeGuy322 SomeGuy322
18-21, M
1 Response Aug 20, 2014

I waited all my life for her and because of me she's gone :'( and I'll never love again because I love this girl so much that I'm just not attracted to other girls.

You can find other girls~ and I know how it feels... As though she was the best thing that ever happened... But it's okay to cry... It's okay to feel sad and upset. Sometimes life makes an unexpected turn when you're in your saddest moments. That's what happened to me.

My advice is to find flaws if you can in her. Try and see if she really was meant for you or if you can find someone else. If you can't, then you know that she should be the focus of your life. At least try to set things right. You might never be with her, but you shouldn't give up on love. Another you can do is try to find at least 1 good quality in someone else.

I don't want another at all. I want her :'( I dont care if I am alone for the rest of my life. My hesrt is hers and no one else's :'(

If you feel that way then you should know what to do~ Look inside yourself~ tell her how you feel. Or if you can't then be alone, the choice is yours.

What's the point of life if you can't be with the one person you want to love and be loved by :'(

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