I Have Been Thinking

I came here in November of 2007. Something drew me here in the first place, obviously. Something draws all of us, but I was new to this whole scene and I was skeptical and a little bit nervous. I didn't understand how to share myself or how to go about connecting.

I made some instant friendships though. I am still close with some of those people today. But this has been a wild ride and that's what I've been thinking about today. Maybe some people out there can relate, and maybe even some people who read this, if it is meant to be, will accept my apologies for past indiscretions and gain some insight into what happens when there are no accidents and people "collide" here.

It's simple enough, usually, but I can only speak to what goes on in my head. I see a story. Something about it catches my eye. Often I am attracted to something in the style of the writing but more often than not it is the substance. I find I connect with lost souls, people searching for something, or those suffering. I relate to that; the suffering is what draws us to one another right?

Oh I met people. I fell hard for one in particular, and that blew me away. All of a sudden the common suffering became much more, the intensity of the friendship just a tad overwhelming  because it was unsustainable. Okay, fine. That's just fancy language for we were both married and lived half a country apart.

He's gone now (I think, who can ever really know) and that is a good thing for both of us, but before we parted we had one hell of a time here. I found my voice with him, my political side, my wise-cracking side, even my angry side, and of course, at the end I found my vulnerability. The whole point of this story is that I got exactly what I needed from this place when I needed it. I learned a lot about myself and about people and I especially learned about how people react and relate. It actually changed my life.

I've written at length about avatars, blocking, circles--it's all relevant, and sometimes stupid, but I guess necessary, and what you do with all of those things (what's your avatar say about you? Who is and who is not in your circle? blocked anyone lately? been blocked?) It is so easy to get caught up and it's easy to get hurt--really easy to get hurt.

Relationships that are formed here are real and powerful and the sharing and the supporting and the deep connecting is phenominal and at times overwhelming. And I don't just think --I know-- they all happen for a reason. No accidents. I've learned from every single person I ever met here and every single experience I've had, and every story, no matter how stupid, has meant something to me when I wrote it. 

I've learned about human nature from Ep and I would have to say, I have a pretty good handle on the cause and effect cycle of a site like this--it's not always pretty. But mostly the thing that I realized today is that what Ep is really about is love--that's the force that overwhelms when you share on a deep level and it's the emotion that makes all of the other emotions irrelevant in that they pass, and when they do, what you are left with is the love.  

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26-30
2 Responses Mar 28, 2009

=> you were one of my first connections in this strange & sometimes addictive place. back then we didn't even have any experiences in common, technically, we still don't except for the one big experience of EP itself. thanks for staying connected to me.

I agree, Nora. Well said.