Spiritual Connection.........love....then Abuse.....i Leftafter 3 Years .......new Girlfried After 1.5 Mos

ITS BEEN AT LEAST 8 MONTHS SINCE I LEFT THIS ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP THAT I HAD. UNFORTUNATLEY, I WAS VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN . THE FIRST TIME I SAW HIM WE HAD AN IMMEDIATE SPIRITUAL CONNECTION AND EVEN BEFORE WE MET THE FIRST TIME AT THIS PARTY OR I FELT IT RIGHT WAY AS HE DID TOO. HE DID A DOUBLE TAKE SOHARD ON A STAGE THE AUDIENCE TURNED AND I KNEW AT ONE POINT ( EBEN THOUGH AT THAT TIME I WAS MARRIED ) WE WOULD BE TOGETHER. IT MADE NO SENSE TO ME AT THAT TIME. HE KNEW THINGS ABOUT ME EVEN BEFORE WE SPOKE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
2 MOS LATER I WOULD FREQUENLY GO TO HIS HOUSE WHERE HIM AND HIS WIFE (X WIFE NOW ), WOULD HAVE PARTIES. IT WAS A STRANGE THING BECAUSE I COULD NOT STAND NEXT TO HIM OR TALK TO HIM FOR LONG BECAUSE THERE WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING TELLING ME THAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER AND IT WAS PAINFUL AND I WOULD JUST RUN AWAY AND GO TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE I HAD A FEW MOS LATER BEEN TO ANOTHER PARTY OF HIS THAT WHEN I WALKED UP THE DOOR I HEARD HIM THROUGH THE WINDOW SAYING' " DAMN" WHEN HE SAW ME MEANING HE WAS APPARNTLY LIKING SOMETHING. HIS WIFE SUSPECTED HIM HAVING INTEREST IM SURE ( SHE WAS PREGNANT) . 6 MOS LATER WE SAW EACH OTHER AT A NITE CLUB ( WE ARE BOTH PERFORMERS I AM A DANCER) AND THAT WAS IT WE KISSED THEFIRST TIME AND FROM THEYRE IT WAS OVER. I WAS IN LOVE IMMEDIATELY. THAT NEVER HAPPENED TO ME LIKE THAT. I WAS IN A STARINED UNHAPPY MARRIAGE OF ONL Y THREE YEARS AND BEING WITH HIM GAVE ME THE FIRE TO EXIT THE MARRIAGE. HE LEFT HIS WIFE AND HIS TWO MONTH OLD SON . OF COURSE I WAS TOLD THAT HIS WIFE WAS VERY VERBLLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE AND THAT IS WHY HE LEFT. LATER ON TO FIND OUT SHE WAS ARGUING WITH HIM AND HE LEFT TO STAY WITH HIS MOTHER FOR A WHILE HE TOLD ME DIFFERENT OF COURSE. DURING THIS TIME HE WAS LOVING,CARING EXTREMELY ATTENTIVE, I WAS SO IN LOVE WIH HIM SO QUICK I COULDNT STAND TO BE AWAY FROM HIM. I WAS SO CONNECTED AND SO WAS HE. HE FELL IN LOVE OR WHAT EVER IT WAS THAT HE HAD FOR ME. EVENTUALLY WHILE STAYING AT HIS MOTHERS HOUSE THE WIFE FOUND OUT ABOUT ME AND DIVORCED HIM. I FELLL DEEPER IN LOVE WITH HIM AND WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO HELP HIM. WE WERE INSEPERABLE. PEOPLE WOULD TELL US IN THE STREET THAT THEY SAW THE LOVE BETWEEN US STRANGERS. THEN I ALWAYS WONDERED WHY HIS PARENTS HATED ME .......THEY BLAMED HIS LIFE ON ME. ANYWAY, ABOUT 10 MONTHS LATER IS WHEN THINGS STARTED TO CHANGE. HE HAD NO WORK AND DID NOT LOOK , HE WAS STILL MARRIED AND NOT TRYING TO GET DIVORCED AND I WAS NOT HAPPY WITH THAT. NO WORK NOT LOOKING,STILL MARRIED AND LIVING WITH HIS MAMA. HE BEGAN TO GET EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE . ONE NITE POURING WATER ON MY HEAD OUT OF ANGER , THEN BEGAN THE FIGHTS WHEN I WOULD TRY TO TALK ABOUT THE LACK OF JOB, STILL MARRIED AND IT WOULD SPIRAL . HE WOULD BLOCK MY WAY, LOCK ME IN CARS AND NOT LET ME OPEN THE DOOR. HE WOULD LOCK ME IN THE ROOM TAKE MY PHONE AWAY AND YELL FOR HOURS . HE WOULD YELL AND KEEP INTEROGATING ME UNTIL I BROKE DOWN, OR AGREED WITH HIM OR UNTIL HE GOT TIRED. THIS AFFECTED MY BUSINESS , MY HEALTH EVERYTHING. I HAD NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT. HE CLAIMED TO BE SO IN LOVE WITH ME. I TRIED TO BREALK UP WITH HIM SO MANY TIMES AND HE WOULD ALWAYS BE OUTSIDE MY DOOR RINGING THE DOORBELL OR CALLING ME 100 TIMES. WE WOULD FIGHT SO BAD I WOULD BE SO SCARED I WOULD CALL THE POLICE. BEING LOCKED IN THE ROOM, INTEROGATED AND HELD DOWN WAS VERY SCARY. ONCE I LEFT HIM AND HE TOLD ME THAT HE WOULD KILL HIMSELF AND DISAPPEARED FOR 7 HOURS FOR THE POLICE TO FIND HIM DRUNK PASSED OUT IN HIS CAR. HE WAS BAKER ACTED AND HIS FAMILY BLMED ME OF COURSE. EVERYTHING WAS MY FAULT ACCORDING TO HIM AND HIS FAMILY. HIS FAMILY NEVER LIKED ME BECAUSE I HAVE A HIGHER EDUCATION AND SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS THEN THEY DID AND OFTEN PUT ME DOWN FOR DRIVING A NICE CAR AND HAVING NICE CLOTHES. AND MY HOME ETC... THIS MAN TELLING ME THAT HE WOULD KILL HIMSELF WAS SO TRAMATIC FOR ME . I COULDNT EVEN BELIEVE THAT WAS HAPPENING. WE GOT BACK AFTER HE GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL TWO MORE YEARS OF THIS , 2 MISCARRIAGES, HIS FAMILY ALSO ABUSIVE WITH ME . ESCLATED TO SHOVING, GRABBING , HIS HANDS ON MY NECK, AND WHEN HIS HANDS WENT TO MY FACE AND NECK THAT WAS IT FOR ME. I KNEW I WAS DONE AS MUCH AS I WAS IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN. HE BLAMED THAT ON ME TELLING ME THAT I HAD BAD SPIRITS IN MY HOUSE THT WAS POSSESING HIM. I BROKE IT OFF TELLING HIM I ONLY WANTED TWO THINGS. 1( FOR HIM TO GET A JOB (BARELY HAD ONE IN THREE YEARS) 2) GET COUNSELING FOR HIS ABUSIVE WAYS. HE CHOOSE TO LEAVE ME ALONE AND FIND ANOTHER GIRL 1.5 MOS LATER. HEAR THEY ARE MADLY IN LOVE (UNFORUNAELTY I FOUND HER FACEBOOK AND COULDNT HELP LOOK AT IT ALREADY 7 MOS HAD PAST) . SO WHAT WAS THAT? 1.5 MMOS LATER ALREADY IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE ? I ENDURED SO MUCH SUFFERING ANDTRYING FOR SOMEOE WHO I THINK NEVER REALLY LOVED ME AND WAS JUST OBSESSED WITH ME IN A SICK WAY. I WAS ALWAYS WRONG, HE WAS A TOTAL NARCISSIST AND FOUND OUT LATER THAT THE THREE WOMEN BEFORE ME WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING . I HAVE HAD SUCH A HARD TIME FINDING CLOSURE ON THIS. I NEVER WOULD WANT HIM BACK NEVER THOUGT ONE DAY ABOUT THAT BUT I AM HAVING A HAR TIME GETTING PAST AND MAKING SENS EOF THIS ALL. ESPECIALLY WITH THE NEW RELATIONSHIP???????? WE WERE IN THE COURTHOUSE FILING A MARRIAGE APP AND 3 MO LATER HE IS TELLING ANOTHER WOMAN THAT HE LOVES HER AFTER I DUMP HIM . I AM HAVING A HARD TIME GETTING MY SELF CONFIDENCE AND SELF DISCIPLINE BACK AND NOW I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO REALLY BE INTO ANOTHER GUY (ITS BEEN 9 MOS ) . I DATE AND GO OUT BUT AM TERRIBLY AFRAID OF COMMITIING TO ANYONE AT THIS POIN ESPECIALLY WHEN I AM STILL THINKING OF THIS MANS ABUSE ,HIS BEHAVIOR AND MY CONFIDENCE LEVELS. I AM VERY BROKEN HEARTED OVER THIS AND ITS AMAZING THAT ITS THE SAME PERSON THAT I KNEW AT TIMES WHEN HE WAS SO LOVING .
OKANTOMI OKANTOMI
36-40
1 Response Jan 11, 2013

So powerful and true