Win the Lottery But Die Early

When I was between the ages of 8 and 10 I kept having dreams that I would win the lottery. I told my mother almost everyday we are going to be rich, I know it! Then soon after I kept having dreams that I would die before I turned 21! Now I was pissed! How can I win the lottery but then die before I could even enjoy my winnings?

At 18 I began to play the lottery. Pick 3, SuperCash, Power Ball; not often but just on the days when I felt it was my time to win. That lasted for a couple of years, but then I became very depressed because my 21st birthday was approaching. I was too scared to go outside because I thought I might be hit or shot at.  I became increasingly paranoid of my family and friends and their motives. It got to a point where a dog was my closest friend. He would talk to me and we would go on little adventures to save the earth. We fought demons and was able to control speed our minds.

To make a long story short, I'm 33 and still have not won the lottery and apparently still alive. As I reflected with my husband about that strong belief I had as a child, reality hit me. It's like God hit me on the head and said "duh" you did when the lottery and you did die before the age of 21.

How? I had a mental breakdown at the age of 20 and was diagnosed with schizophrenia paranoia; due to the fact my father also suffered from the disease, I was able to collect disability from his benefits, and therefore hadn't worked a day in my life. 

That was until 1997 and I became pregnant with my son. God revealed that I would have a boy the exact moment of conception. Everyone thought I was crazy when I told them! (no pun lol). From that point on the demons left, and I refused medication, I no longer visited my psychiatrist; my son gave me the strength to battle the disease with God's help alone.

Eventually I went back to school, and graduated with highest honors. I was reborn! A more confident and humbled version of myself with a new appreciation of life and an empathetic heart to those who suffer mentally, physically, and emotionally. These gifts are priceless.

I guess my point is: God has a sense of humor and his blessings are not always how we expect them to be but it all makes sense in the long run! Just have faith!


puttintang500 puttintang500
31-35, F
Mar 8, 2009