Finally Safe

To tell, write about, purge, vent, express..

Buuuut...mostly it's just to feel all better..hopefully...maybe...??

What you did...and what you said to me 3 months don't have a CLUE as to HOW FREAKIN MUCH those words, and your cold abrupt "exit" w/o ANY remorse, kills me a little bit STILL..each and every single you?

I told you of my own painful (and demoralizing) struggle with love, and you told me about yours too. We shared those intimate personal details and promised never to hurt one another. I TRUSTED you. You told me you are a good man. Again, I TRUSTED you. When certain issues arose I asked, begged you, to just let me in and help you. You took your own path and eventually found your way back. Happy and carefree and reallllly enjoying one another again. Until the next time.

Once more, practically pleading with you, just "LET ME IN", you chose your own private road to travel down, and shut me out once more. I was back home by now and so very VERY confused. This has NEVER happened to me before.  My friends have always been there for me, for each other. Why won't he let me in?? Have IIIII done something wrong? Said something wrong? Did I offend him somehow? So many very few answers...

I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a bff etc and a decent hard working God loving woman. I am NOT a one night stand, not a temptress of any sort, don't fool around online or off, and keep the people I love very close to my heart. I took our friendship seriously and as a very unique and special gift from God.  I truly believe He sent you to me in answer to my prayers.

What you don't know, won't EVER know, is that before I rejoined ep again last spring, I said a very profound prayer to God. You know how we both said we "weren't looking for anyone", and that our meeting on ep was just so random and crazy? Well, I never told you, but I actually prayed to God to bring me an amazing and wonderful, hard working, kind, intelligent, loving, funny man into my life. I told God I trusted Him completely and it would be an honor to
 welcome this dude and our new found camaraderie. I would cherish as a gift, the special man he saw fit to be my new friend, and I would do my best to keep and treat, our amazing friendship so very precious. Always.  

This is prolly why I am still having such a HARD TIME comprehending your last email and actions (or lack thereof).  Especially given your reasons for departing so abruptly without looking back.  I feel like SUCH a fool and maybe some day if you find it in your heart, you could give me some of my dignity back.

I actually wish we could just stay in the "Myles" days..those were some of the most special that I can ever think of...I can't tell you how much I miss our rainbows and ft's, blue eyed butterflies and waterfalls...and...Princess.

I'm pretty sure you do too. 
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Nov 12, 2012