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Binge Over 20,000 Calories, Purge Over 100 Times A Day.

I use food as an escape from reality. I'm locked away in my own little world, and no one can get to me when I'm there. When I'm eating, my thoughts are all on food, and it's better then thinking about anything else... But of course, I can't get 'fat'. So I purge. In a way, the purging is used to remove all the negative emotions that I build up. I've tried recovery from anorexia and bulimia, and my illness has taken a turn for the worse. The amount I binge is sickening, and the amount I purge is deadly. The highest, close the 200 times.
I started this just throwing up a couple of times a week, just getting rid of little 'treats', usually around 600 calories in excess. Now? I'm lucky to be alive. I'm in danger of dropping dead any second. I get numb, I have heart palpitations, I'm always, ALWAYS cold, I struggle with insomnia, my hair is falling out, my nails are brittle and cracking, and I look like I'm the walking dead, with pale, crumbled skin...
Please, don't get as bad as me. Don't feel like you need to binge and purge to be happy or accepted. I've lost my friends, I've lost interest in everything I once loved. It's ruined me, and its an evil killer. Being thin and being popular is nothing when you look at the bigger picture. Your life is so precious, and you can do anything you set your mind to. Please, don't keep doing this to yourself. Stop killing yourself. <3
LittleMonster1011 LittleMonster1011 16-17, F 1 Response Feb 12, 2012

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You saved my life. So I'm going to save yours. I feel in my chest that you will win. You are going to rise above your mental battle. I swear you can do it, I swear you are better than this, even if you're not stronger, even if you are weak. If you decide you can. You can. Find support, find your life because it is never too late. Never too deep to extricate yourself from these illnesses. You are alive. You are full of this burning life and that conquers all. I love you.