To Binge Or Not To BingeI guess it's appropriate I write this on St. Patrick's Day, but I think it's mostly just coincidental.
I often see binging as evil. And, in my mind, being productive is good. My soul is a battlefield, constantly scarred by these forces pushing back and forth. I cheer when productivity makes an advance and moves it's white flag futher across my soul. Then binging and indulgence strike back and the black flag penetrates through the white lines.
I don't think this is the most accurate or healthy characterization of my struggle. I believe that vilifying my impulses to binge just represses them. It makes them stronger and then, when they break through the ranks of the good, they penetrate more deeply. In other words, repression just makes them stronger.
Once my desire to binge overcomes my restraint, my impulses just run rampant and there is no hope of controlling them. If I don't start out by trying to hold my impulses in check then, when they escape, they are weaker and I eventually - sometimes sooner than later - tire of them.
I've been writing all this as a means to set up an insight that just came to me. Now, unfortunately, after all this background desc
CatalinaVanilla 26-30, F 12 Responses 1 Mar 17, 2011