Emotional Eating?!

How would i know.... what are the signs if there are any..... I have always been the little girl who hated her body, there was NEVER a time when i opend my eyes and said i love my body and all of me.... I learned early on to lie about my self esteem issues because no one was ever there when i was having problems. I have always been a big girl, i remember the first time i started sneaking downstairs at 12 in the morning when i lived with my aunt and i would find the fastest thing to make in the fridge; i would throw it together before anyone knew i was downstairs. I would run as fast as i could back into my room.... my safety net and stuff my face until it was all gone then i would laydown and stare at the ceiling debating on whether i would go get more. I would always have mixed emotions after i ate like that, sometimes i would feel better less stressed out and other times i would hate myself soo much for what i did. i did this sooo much when i was younger i feel so numb now as a adult, because i never had to voice how i truely felt i always bottled it up inside and saved it for when i was alone. I find myself lieing to everyone around me about my true feelings because they are never dealt with when i need them to be its always on other peoples time. Now-a-days i barely know what I am feeling most of the time im numb. When i really begin to feel things i usually stuff my face with chocolate and anything else that is quick and easy to stuff down my throat. I barely taste food anymore because i try and fight my urge to beat myself up for eating as much as i do. I munch at night, i munch sometimes all through the day because i have these fits of emotions especially when im on my period or about to be. It like all of my emotions come flooding out of my little box but i have this problem with knowing if my emotions or real or fake. How am i supposed to know how i really feel when iv almost never let myself feel? When im on my period i always question whether the feelings or real or just there for the moment... im a very emotional person dont get me wrong but im emtional when its convienant for me.... I scare myself sometimes because i think im going crazy i ask myself will i end up in a corner rocking back and forth and talking to myself because i dont express myself.... I learned to be comfortable with talking to myself so when no one is around i voice whats wrong with me but to myself... i hate when i do that because no one is ever listening but who do i have to talk to? who would ever listen to me complain and go on and on about me and my problems? who would care enough to drop the things they are doing to appear interested in what i have to offer? i battle so many things on my own and rarely ever express myself out of fear that someone will say "god when will she stop complaining" i want to be a expressive person, i want to be comfortable in my own skin, i want to stop faking my emotions, and i want to stop stuffing my face with food and junk to push my depression further into my head...
TerrifiedoftheUnknown TerrifiedoftheUnknown
26-30, F
1 Response Jun 6, 2012

Try some counselling....Can help you have a skilled listener who can give you some tips and time to reflect on the things that bother you, and perhaps look at your relationships as well.